"Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair."

― Kahlil G.

River knew missing family Christmas and New Year's will bury her in a debt of favor that will push her to send money away as a solution to compensate for her absence. She preferred to make do with giving away cash as a trade-off over the emotional rollercoaster of nostalgia that comes with family holidays. Brother's birthday? Send them money. Halloween? Send them money. She will do just about anything to get out of seeing them even at the risk of losing her hard-earned salary bonus.

Her therapist, Dr. Malia, had recently been praising her for having come so far after three years of therapy work. Needless to say, her Dr. Malia was overestimating it. By this time, three years of work in therapy only alleviated a small amount of anxiety. She will not allow her small feat of progress to be disrupted by emotional disturbances from family. It was a threat to her newfound order in life. Her growth in self-esteem was delicate, and backsliding would be so easy at the first moment she goes under her family's microscope.

But instead of asking for cash, her little brother Rover pulled her absence debt so that he and his woefully underprepared highschool buddies can hike a dangerous trail in one of the most famous mountains of the world over the weekend. Suffice to say, she was bringing a bunch of entitled teenage boys through a famously brutal mountain by a span of five days.

"Are we there yet?" Killian asked, he was her little brother's friend who was along for the long hike. For the last few hours, he has been using most of his energy mouthing off his displeasure rather than use it to power through their already damned hike.

"We're close enough" she clipped, trudging ahead of them and willing them to go faster. Sunset was fast approaching and they needed to reach the next camp an hour ago.

"You said that 10 minutes ago, and an hour before that" he said with a breathy huff.

River looked back at him over her shoulder and saw that he was drenched wet in his green thermal shirt. His harsh breathing gave away their underwhelming preparations for a mountain the size of a freaking continent and he could barely carry a standard hiking backpack that was basically the size of a full-grown child clinging to his back. She realized too late that almost none of them were prepared for this extreme sporting adventure because their barrage of complaints already came in during the first few hours of their hike.

She shifted her backpack that was several stones heavier than the standard ones the boys were carrying and gave him a tired look before pressing on forward.

After a while, he asked "Can we take a break?"

She nodded, "Take a minute."

"I was hoping for a 30-minute break"

She bit back a sigh, noticing that these boys didn't pay much attention in orientation. "We can't do that. We get 3 minutes tops then we're gonna get back to it for the next camp. The porters are there with our camping gear waiting for us. Plus, we're already running up late. We should be getting there by sundown, at least"

Killian bent forward, wheezing "No way." he cursed, "I can't believe I let you guys talk me into this."

"Whose idea was this, anyway?" His other buddy Greg said to him, his eyes heated. It was clear that Killian got the idea to hike up the Ylein Mountain in the first place. Granted that they were taking the expensive scenic trail, it still was a humbling hike that broke down some of the seasoned hikers she knew.

Why these boys thought they could make it over this mountain without a shred of outdoor experience was beyond her. These city boys thrived under a constant dose of highspeed wifi, not 7-hours long mountain hikes per day. Five days going over the entirety of the mountain with these underprepared boys was becoming what she had anticipated this trek was going to be: a clusterfuck.

At her side, Rover's bald head was dotted with a sheen of sweat and he gave River a steady look that had been growing fiercer since the last couple of hours.

Here we go, she thought, expecting to meet his anger now rather than have it with a bigger audience at the next camp "Something wrong, Rover?"

He moved to her with a hiss, "This was your idea. We wouldn't even be here if it weren't for you. We could have taken another trail."

"Rover, this trail is the easiest. I know you had our dad tell me to help you through this mountain you set your heart on. So let me guide you. Trust me, I've been hiking this mountain ever since I was 11. I know what I'm doing." she said, already growing tired of the conversation. She had been arguing about this with her parents way too many times over, telling them that the Ylein Mountain was no place for first-time hikers. She came to find out that there was no use arguing with them once they set their mind on something. Their parents had posed a united front. And she was just a small little girl who didn't know any better. At least, in their eyes. She was 25-years old, damn it. Someone in her family should give her credit for that.

Rover's glare would have done her in to death if looks could kill. It started to dawn on her how much of a long time it was ever since she stopped bothering with his anger. Years ago, his direct confrontational anger would have murdered her inside. It was too toxic, it had a weird gravitational pull that used to drag her into a spiraling realm of depression. And no matter how much she tried to help him, the kid always seemed to be angry in however many ways it came.

Displaced anger, her therapist had noted. Do not worry so much about that. Take care to save yourself from drowning first before getting to others. Yes, he is using you as his scapegoat but realize that as the only child of the family, he cannot bear to put his anger on his primary caregivers, which are your parents, therefore his anger is displaced to you. The one he doesn't know so well. The alien one. The outcast.

She knew that in his eyes, she was the one responsible for the whole clusterfuck. However, their Mom was adamant that their golden child can triumph over it. Even digging for the fact that she needed to pull some weight for the family, which is hilarious, considering the fact that they dropped her off to be raised in a farm with her grandparents back when she was four years old just so they could raise their only son back in the city. Since then, she was estranged to her family.

But they came back for her, regretfully. At her twentieth birthday, the run-down motorcycle her grandparents were riding in broke down in the middle of a drive, killing them instantly. And the moment the tragedy happened was the start of her parents coming back to her life.

They never felt for her and only used River as a means to an end. To them, she was free labor, serving for convenience without cost. Merely calling on her when they needed a free set of hands. Pushing her to jump through hoops just to live up to their favors without so much as a thank you. It was exhausting.

Five years later after her grandparent's death, her family has still got their steel hooks digging onto her skin. To escape them, she moved to a bigger apartment with multiple roommates. And they provided more than enough distraction to get away from her family issues. Her friendship and career she built up with her roommates was a safety space that's been cultivated with years of work and diligence. Her ruined wreckage of a childhood be damned, she'd rather forget about it and put it to rest in the past where it didn't need to join her present life. What mattered most was the space of safety her new life provided, and the moment her past catches up to it, then it wouldn't be so safe anymore.

She had to do everything she could to protect her progress. She didn't think she could survive another bout of depression. A week before, Dr. Malia had asked her if she was ready to sort out her anxieties concerning her family, but she told her no. She wasn't ready. Her heart felt like a livewire of nerves held in a delicate state. She had to stay in her safety space a bit more before she could step out and face the music of her family.

Surprisingly, sending them money worked effectively well to fend them off. But she should have known it woudn't have last long before they were back to their thankless demands. And this was simply the most tiring out of everything they demanded: guiding three teenage boys through one of the most challenging trails in the world.