Chapter 9

Harry Johnson's POV

I ran home. I had to create as much distance between me and Lucas. 

Once I reached, I immediately sped upstairs to my room. I slammed the door behind me and, without wasting any time, sprinted to the attached bathroom. The vomit burned like acid as it uncontrollable projected out of my body into the toilet bowl.

I wheezed out the remains of undigested food, spat, then flushed the toilet. 

Feeling revealed, I leaned backwards onto my hands and stared up at the bathroom's fluorescent lights. Its brightness made me feel dizzy, a minor strain compared to my inner thoughts that rocked my brain like an earthquake.

I kissed a guy. I mean, he kissed me but I liked it. I liked kissing him. 

I groaned and rubbed my temples. 

I should stop staring at these lights. 

I dragged my weight off the ground. My body moved like a heavy sack of potatoes as I waddled towards my bed. As I laid down, the quilts welcomed me with intense warmth. 

Was I gay? Didn't I like pussy anymore? I couldn't comprehend what was happening to me or why I was having these thoughts about a person of the same gender. It was like I  was being controlled,  conducted by an external being. 

I was a puppet on a string and he, Lucas, was the puppet master. I had never felt this way before. I felt vulnerable, exposed, the same feeling you get just after you step out of a warm shower and are bare to the cold elements. The warm water had fallen from underneath me and I was left a naked, shivering and confused boy.

He made me feel small. I didn't like it. Who was he to make me feel this way? I clenched my teeth subsequently buried my head underneath my pillow. At least I was in my bed, my bed was my safe space. 

Just then I heard a knock at the door. I didn't move. I didn't answer it. 

Then there was another knock followed by a voice. "Harry." 

It was my sister. The sound of her voice caused me to jerk up in my bed. She was supposed to be out of town at university. 

She opened the door. "Suprise! I know you weren't expecting me but—"   Our eyes met. "Harry?"

Bonya was small and round. Her protruding curves accentuated the burgundy trench coat she was wearing. A rich winter blush occupied her otherwise colourless face. Her beady eyes stared at me with blue concern.

She shook her head slowly. "No...It's happened again?"

"Fuck off, Bonya." I shot back at her. 

"You need to tell me if it's happened again!" Urgency rose in her tone. "Harry!"

I closed my eyes. "...No." I breathed. 

Bonya sat on the edge of the bed. "Look me in the eye and promise."

I pried my eyes back open to look at her. "It's not that, I promise." 

I felt my chest contracting under Bonya's judgemental gaze.  Since our parents were always working, Bonya was the one that fed me, clothed me, and taught me right from wrong. She basically raised me. 

"Bonnie." I croaked, my bottom lip trembling. 

Bonya took my hand. "You know you can tell me anything."

Usually, I could but not this. I bit my lip to stop it from moving. "I thought I liked someone but now there's someone else."

"Is it a girlfriend?"

"Something like that." 

"Well, remember when we were younger and I used to hate vegetables?"

I nodded. I remembered she used to say she was allergic. It drove Mum crazy when she would chew her spinach just to spit in a napkin later. Younger me had found it funny as the chewed spinach resembled a giant snot ball inside the tissue. 

"Well recently I tried vegetables again and I realised they aren't half bad. I just assumed I didn't like them because, well, that's what little kids are supposed to say huh?" 

I pondered her words intently. 

"What I'm trying to say is feelings change. It doesn't make you a bad person if you've had a change of heart." She rubbed my back. "My little bro is having girl problems?"

 "Yeah." 

"What's their names?" 

"Brook."I hesitated. "...and Luca."

Luca was a passable girl's name, right?

"Which one do you like more?" 

"I thought I liked Brook, she's was my one and only,  but Luca makes me feel things I hadn't before." 

"She gets the juices flowing, eh? Must be a Latin girl with a fat behind if I know my little bro's type." She laughed which surprising irritated me. 

"He isn't–. I mean, no, she isn't like that. She makes me feel vulnerable." I corrected her. There was a forcefulness in my tone. 

Bonya's eyes widened. She had never heard me speak about a girl in this manner."Sounds like you really like this girl, Luca." 

I shrugged then changed the subject. "I feel sick." 

Bonya placed the back of her hand on my forehead and frowned. "You're hotter than a stove."

"I threw up earlier, can I stay home tomorrow?" 

"I'll ask Mum and Dad for you."

"Thank you, Bonnie." I laid my head on her shoulder. 

"Not a problem, that's what big sisters are for."  

"How long are you going to be home for?"

Usually Bonnie came home to visit for a week or two, then she would travel back up north to Bristol where she lives now. The first time she left for university, I secretly cried for a week in my room. Nowadays it's easier to watch her go and you get used to the loneliness. That's not to say I'm not thrilled whenever she came to visit.

"Actually, I'm staying forever." She replied.

My heart jumped in my chest. I sat up and gawked at her. "Explain."

She sighed. "I dropped out."