I roll over in bed, bury my face into the blankets, then reach for Aiden. My hand slides over his hips, and I’m almost surprised to feel the soft fabric of his grey sweatshorts. It’s the first time in a long time that we slept together in our pajamas, instead of naked.

He didn’t sleep with a shirt on, though, so that’s nice. I lift my head, take in the view.

Aiden is stretched out on his back, one arm thrown up over his head. I sit still for a moment, looking at the graceful curve of his neck, which I never get tired of pressing kisses into. The tumble of chestnut hair falling into his face. The slope of a raised vein in his bicep. The early sunlight on his bronze skin.

I reach over and gently rub my hand into his chest; he lets out a soft sort of purring sound in his sleep. Smiling to myself, I let my fingers travel to the hard line of his jaw, give him a little scratch through his beard. His jaw goes slack, and he turns his face into my palm like a gigantic, contented cat.

I watch him with adoring eyes. I have the sense that no matter what happens in my life, the image of Aiden like this will stick with me forever, in perfect clarity.

It takes me a second to remember why we slept in our pajamas last night. As soon as I do, I sit up, running a hand through my hair.

My fingers already smell like vetiver.

I slip out from the blankets and pull on Aiden’s sweater before I pad out into the living room.

Ralph is where we left him, asleep on the couch. It’s so strange to see him in here, in Aiden’s place. I can barely see him at all, actually. He’s got the blankets pulled up all the way to his chin.

I drop to a crouch next to him. He doesn’t stir, but he seems okay, just passed out.

“Morning, Ralph,” I say quietly. “I hope you don’t have all your defenses back up, already. The version of you we talked to last night is way better than the normal version.”

No answer, but I didn’t expect one.

We know that Ralph didn’t have alcohol poisoning, but Aiden and I took turns checking on him every now and then last night, making sure that he was warm and breathing normally, that he didn’t wake up confused and alone.

I also took his phone out of his pocket, so that he didn’t crush it in his sleep. It buzzed a few times as the night went on. I checked the notifications, in case someone was worried about him or wondering where he was.

It was all texts from people looking to buy, though. Nothing else.

The sound of footsteps draws my attention to the bedroom door, and I’m greeted with a heart-stopping sight. Aiden, smiling at me with sweet blue eyes. His hands are hooked up on the top of the doorframe, and he’s leaning into them a little, stretching out his arms, giving me a ridiculous eyeful of his sculpted body. His pajama shorts are low-slung on his hips, and my eyes trace the divots of muscle disappearing into them.

“Hi,” he says softly, his voice rough with sleep.

“God,” I mutter, getting back to my feet. I press a hand to my heart, preemptively embarrassed by the blush I can feel building in my cheeks. “Hi.”

Aiden comes over to join me, yawning deeply. I push my hair back from my forehead, the sleeves of Aiden’s sweater reaching down to the very tips of my fingers.

Aiden gives the hem a gentle tug. “You look cute in this.”

I smile up at him, then pause, a thought occurring to me.

“Should I change, though?” I ask. “Does Ralph know that you’re bi? I know that Grant and Noah had no idea, but you and Ralph were close even before they came along, right?”

“Yeah, we were.” Aiden chews the inside of his cheek, looking down at Ralph. “But I never talked to him about it. He used to say shit that made me feel like I couldn’t tell him.”

I turn to look at Ralph with murderous eyes. “Oh, did he?”

“Hey, easy.” Aiden takes me by the jaw, makes me look at him again. “Just little things. And I don’t think he realized how terrible it made me feel.”

I take Aiden’s hand, squeeze his fingers. He meets my gaze, determination filling his blue eyes.

“But no,” he says firmly. “Don’t change. Keep my sweater on.”

My expression melts back into a smile. I roll up onto the balls of my feet to brush a kiss onto Aiden’s lips. He returns it, slowly and affectionately.

“Alright,” he rumbles. “I’m gonna go to Mugshot, get some coffee and food. Ralph’s gonna need it badly when he wakes up. You want your usual?”

“Yes, please.”

A minute or so passes in silence as Aiden quickly gets changed. He pushes a kiss onto my lips, gives my hair a ruffle before he goes.

I look back down at the couch, still warm and smiling from all the little gestures of love that Aiden just showered me with - and realize that Ralph’s eyes are open.

There’s a deep, uneasy silence.

Ralph sits up very slowly, puts the blanket aside. He looks at me, then at the door where Aiden just disappeared, then back at me again.

Based on his expression, I have a feeling that he didn’t just catch the end of that conversation. He heard the whole thing.

We stare at each other, equally uncomfortable.

“I didn’t fucking know,” Ralph blurts out, all defensive. “That Aiden - I wouldn’t have said that shit to him, if I knew. It’s his own fault for not telling me.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t say that shit to anyone,” I inform him. “Like, at all. Did that occur to you? You realize that it’s still disrespectful, even if you don’t say it directly to someone’s face?”

Ralph’s already dark expression sours further.

“They were jokes, that’s all. It doesn’t go beyond that.”

I tip my head to the side, my eyes narrowing. “Okay, so then why wouldn’t you have said them to Aiden, if you’d known?”

Ralph stares at me. He scoffs, trying to pull his face into its usual dismissive sneer.

He can’t do it. He’s clearly too broken for that, right now. I’ve never seen him look so raw, so wrung out. His eyes are usually perceptive and hawklike, narrowed in with precision on whatever he’s focused on. Today, they’re clouded and exhausted, and he seems unable to summon that arrogant vibe he usually gives off.

He also doesn’t exactly look surprised, which leaves only one possibility.

“You knew already, didn’t you?” I ask. “About me and Aiden?”

Ralph nods silently.

Whatever else he is, Ralph is undeniably sharp. I don’t know when he picked up on what’s going on between me and Aiden, but he must have had some time to sit with it. Otherwise I’m sure his face would look more like Noah’s did, when he found out.

He rubs his temples, wincing. “Can I get some water?”

I head over to the kitchen. Ralph gets up and follows me there, his eyes roaming over the room.

“Where am I?” he rasps.

“Aiden’s place. We took you here after we found you at your house last n-”

“I remember that part,” Ralph says roughly, avoiding my eyes.

I think this means that he remembers the conversation we had on the porch, too. Yeah, he definitely does. I can tell. He’s normally hard to read, his real emotions kept behind a door with steel bolts. 

Not today, though.

Ralph’s eyes travel around the kitchen as I pull a glass out of the cabinet. He stops, staring, when he sees the bottle of hot sauce that he left as a birthday gift for Aiden. His gaze lingers there until I offer him the water.

Ralph takes a big gulp of it, then folds his elbows on the countertop and drops his forehead onto his arms. Runs a weary hand through his blonde hair.

“So,” I say lightly. “This is Rock Bottom Ralph, huh?”

Ralph lets out a strangled laugh, but doesn’t lift his head. “Enjoying the show?”

“No,” I answer, and Ralph looks up at me, makes a skeptical face. “No, Ralph. And for the record, Aiden is right. This could be a really good thing for you.”

Ralph glares at me, then winces again. He takes another long sip of water.

“I mean it,” I forge on, while he can’t answer. “The consequences of your actions are pretty much undeniable, at this point. Now you can think clearly about what caused them.”

Ralph stares up at me with exhausted, irritable eyes. “I don’t know what you’re fucking talking about.”

“I’m talking about Noah, Aiden, and Grant all deciding that they don’t want to be your friend anymore. Why do you think they all made that choice, man? Or do you already know?”

“Of course I fucking know!” Ralph suddenly snaps, straightening up, his eyes blazing. “I’m not an idiot! It’s me, that’s the only fucking possibility left! I’m very aware, okay? Painfully goddamn aware, I feel like shit, why do you think that you guys found me like that last n-?”

He breaks off in surprise as my hands fly up over my mouth.

“The fuck are you making that face for, Keane?”

“Oh - sorry.” I quickly bite back my smile. “It’s just - you just admitted that you’re the problem. Out loud. Do you realize how huge of a step that is for you, dude? Like, holy shit. That’s major.”

Ralph’s eyebrows furrow. He looks confused for a second, and then he scoffs again.

“It doesn’t matter. There’s nothing I can do about it, so-”

“There’s nothing you can do about it?” I cut in, raising my eyebrows. “Couldn't you, um - try to change your behavior?”

Ralph lets out a ragged laugh. “Oh, what, and then everyone will magically want to be my friend again?”

“No,” I answer quickly. “That’s absolutely not what I’m saying. But again, that might be a good thing, Ralph. Maybe you should spend some time on your own. Figure out who you are, and what you want to work on about yourself. How you want to treat people, so that they choose to stay in your life, and you don’t have to trap them there.”

Ralph flinches at that last part, as if I just flicked hot grease at his face. He doesn’t say anything, just slowly twists the glass of water in a circle on the countertop.

I wait, but the silence goes on. Maybe Ralph needs a minute to himself.

I slip off to Aiden’s bedroom, where I brush my teeth, check my phone, and change out of my pajamas.

I’m immediately alarmed when I come back outside to find Ralph gone. But I hear voices from the porch, and realize that the sliding glass door is slightly ajar. I cross to it, then pause just inside, looking out.

Aiden and Ralph are standing there, each holding a to-go cup of coffee. Ralph is leaning his elbows on the porch railing, but Aiden is standing upright, looking down at him with very serious, wide blue eyes.

“-didn’t mean that shit I said,” Ralph is saying, avoiding Aiden’s gaze. “Like - if you and Keane are happy together, that’s - that’s chill.”

It’s not exactly an apology, but it’s staggering nonetheless. I press my fingers to my mouth, and Aiden huffs out a stunned little laugh, shakes his head in a dazed kind of way.

“Jesus Christ, Ralph. I wouldn’t believe you at all, but I’ve never heard you talk like this. And I’ve known you since we were like, thirteen.”

“I’ve never felt like this, man.” Ralph lets out a sigh that seems to deflate his whole body. “And yeah, I didn’t exactly love hearing that I’ve been making you feel terrible about this since we were kids, when we used to be best fucking friends. That doesn’t feel great.”

Aiden stares at Ralph for a moment, then settles his elbows down on the porch railing, too.

“Weird,” he rumbles. “I feel like this is the first real conversation we’ve had since I came back to Ketterbridge. It’s way easier when I don’t have to worry that you’re lying about shit and trying to manipulate me. You should have complete breakdowns more often.”

Ralph scowls at him, and Aiden raises his eyebrows. They both sort of laugh, looking away from each other again.

Ralph’s eyes flutter closed. He sways on his feet, his coffee slipping in his hand. Aiden catches him by the wrist, then pushes him down into one of the chairs by the porch table.

“When’s the last time you slept before last night, dude?” he asks, taking in the dark circles around Ralph’s eyes.

Ralph has to think about it, which is enough of an answer for Aiden.

“No wonder you’re being so honest,” he mutters.

Ralph shrugs, drags the back of his hand over his mouth. There’s a silence. Aiden watches Ralph, and Ralph fidgets with the sleeve on his coffee cup.

“I don’t know what to do,” he murmurs eventually, his voice gravelly with exhaustion. “Keane said that I should spend some time on my own.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. A little introspection wouldn’t hurt.” Aiden sets his coffee down on the railing, folds his arms over his chest. “And I wasn’t joking, man. I like you a whole lot better when you drop all the lies and games. You should just cut it out with that bullshit. People always see through it eventually, anyways.”

Ralph doesn’t answer. Aiden waits for a moment, then adds:

“There are authentic things to like about you, Ralph. You know that, right? I don’t know why you’ve got all these smokescreens up. Just put them down, like they are right now. I like this version of you so much better."

Ralph stares at Aiden, then lapses into thoughtful silence.

I take the opportunity to slip out onto the porch. I go to Aiden and lean against his side. He tenses up for a second, but then relaxes, wraps an arm around me.

Proud of him, I break into a warm smile, then turn to Ralph.

“Are you feeling better?” I ask, and he shrugs, looking down at his coffee.

“He is,” Aiden murmurs in my ear. “I can hear it.”

~~~~

I need to shower before my shift, so Aiden will have to be the one to drive Ralph home.

I have them wait in the car while I go up to my apartment. I return a minute later with my arms full, and bend to talk to Ralph through the passenger’s side window.

“Here’s your shirt,” I tell him, handing it over. “The one I borrowed when we found you at the bar.”

Ralph takes it, his eyes lingering on the other stuff I’m holding. “And what’s that?”

“This,” I say, handing it over, “Is one of Kasey’s old college textbooks, from her women’s studies class. You should read it, because Jesus Christ, you should hear yourself-”

“I meant that,” Ralph interrupts, stabbing a finger at the potted plant in my hands.

“This is a plant from the flower shop. I took it home, because it wasn’t doing well. It’s doing better now, but it still needs some extra love and attention.”

I hand Ralph the plant, then the piece of paper where I wrote out the instructions on how to care for it.

“Why are you giving me this, Keane?”

“Because you’ve spent a lot of time being destructive,” I explain, “And I thought you might want to try taking care of something, instead.”

Aiden breaks into a smile in the driver’s seat, quickly covers his mouth with his hand. Ralph stares at me with arched eyebrows, then rolls his eyes and sets the plant between his feet on the floor of the car.

“Please take good care of it,” I add. “I spent a lot of time bringing it back from the brink. I’m gonna be really mad at you, if it dies.”

“Well, that sounds terrifying, Keane,” Ralph says, with the air of humoring a toddler. “I’m shaking in my boots.”

“You’ve been warned,” I answer, pointing a threatening finger into his face.

I stand and watch until my car disappears around the corner.

I hope that Ralph takes our advice. I hope that he spends some time in his own garden, comes to understand it better, roots out what was smothering any new growth.

I’m curious to see what he might plant there. What might grow.