Azu sat up and took off the sweatshirt that he was wearing.

"What?!" Akira looked surprised.

"What, you don't want to do it?"

"No that's not it. But do you really want to do it now?" 

"Yeah, I'd like to." Azu looked at him hopefully.

But Akira felt that what Azu wanted was something else. "I'm sorry. But I can't. Not right now."

Azu's eyes drooped, hurt and embarassment evident in them. Rejections always hurt him and when it came from Akira, it stung even more. 

"But why?"

"I don't know. I just don't feel like doing it right now." Akira replied in a clipped tone. "Leave it alone, will you?"

His head down, clutching the bedsheet tightly, Azu spoke softly, "Are you tired of me?" 

"Can you say that again? I didn't hear you."

This was embarassing - making him speak out loud about this ; forcing him to face the insecurities that haunted him since his childhood. 

"I'm asking if you are tired of me already. Do you not like me anymore? Are you not attracted to me?" Before Azu could finish it, tears sprang from his eyes, unannounced. He sighed, fell into the bed head down and hid his face in the pillow.

"What's wrong?!" Akira was alarmed. Completely unaware of the torrent of emotions Azu was experiencing,  he tried to pull Azu's hands away from the pillow and force him to face him. 

"Babe, look at me!"

When he didn't budge, nor reply, Akira gave up. Putting his arms over Azu, he nudged closer to him and placed a kiss on his back. 

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I think we need to talk first."

Turing over, Azu replied, "Alright. Let's talk."

"Look, there are certain things I need to tell you but I dont want to mince my words. And there also are some questions that I want to ask to which I would like you to answer me honestly." 

Azu took a deep breath.

"All right, shoot." He was now looking at Akira eyes-widened, his expression so serious that Akira found it almost cute. He couldn't help but pat his head. 

His hands found Azu's and they intertwined. "Just now, why did you want to have sex?"

Azu paused for a second.  Did I hear it right?

"Why I wanted to have sex with you?"

"Yes."

"Well, I mean why not? " A shy smile tugged at his lips. "I like doing it with you." He squeezed Akira's hands.

Akira sighed, "That's not what I meant Azu. Let me put it bluntly - you don't look all right. You've been acting all happy and excited since the moment I came here -"

"That's because I am happy."

"I know, let me finish. But do you have any idea how you look?" Akira waited for Azu to say something but continued when he looked clueless. "You look drained, sick and from what I see, it seems like you are stuck in your bed all day. You are skinnier than ever and you've grown paler. And when did you last wash your hair? It smells." 

Azu winced. He was not so sure now that he could bear to hear what Akira had to say.

He tried to untangle their hands but couldn't, as Akira held on to it even tighter.

"Azu, I'm not trying to attack you or accuse you. All I'm trying to say is that I can see you are still hurting and I don't like it! You obviously don't look okay, there certainly are some things that are still bothering you and what I want to do right now is to help you out with that. Sex can come later."  

Akira stopped and continued, "But it seems like you don't want me to. You don't want to talk to me about things that matter nor do you want to help yourself. All you are trying to do is to find a temporary relief ..

This is something you always do, Azu. Everytime you're anxious, you either try to bury  it by having sex or you use me as a distraction." He swallowed. "Earlier, you were trying to use me just like you've done plenty of times in the past."

In that moment Azu felt as if his clothes were stripped off and he was laid bare infront of Akira.