I didn't hide my joy when the Iv was removed from my body after a whole fucking week and Caleb was finally letting me go back to my own bed, in my own wing. He gave Creed half a dozen different bottles of antibiotics and very detailed instructions. He checked Creed's wound as well before we left. I had showered in the medic wing a few times, but I was craving the shower in my own bathroom. Creed wanted to head back to my wing so I could take the new medications and grab food. I was all for that idea. After all, I was absolutely starving for something greasy and full of carbs.

Creed probably wouldn't let me have something greasy and full of carbs but it was well worth the try. He held the door open for me and it felt nice to breathe air that wasn't cleaner scented. 

"What do you want for food?"

"Carbs and grease."

"Alexi, you need good food."

"That is my definition of good food right now. I don't want green juice or a salad. I want a good ass cheeseburger and fries with gravy."

"Let me see what we have for food and I'll let you know if that's possible."

"If not, Let's eat out."

"Where would you go?"

"Nonna."

"Yeah, That was my guess too, Also come to the kitchen with me, you need to take your antibiotics."

"Right. I'm not looking forward to this."

Creed got me a glass of water and four pills. They were all sorts of sizes from super tiny to jellybean-sized. I didn't even have a chance to refuse any of them because Creed was watching me like a hawk. Tossing the pills in my mouth I took a drink of the water and swallowed them. That was a task on its own. They were horrible to try to swallow all at once. 

"Come here."

I blinked at him before walking to him confused. He wrapped his arms around me and just held me. I didn't have enough energy to shove him away either, not that I was sure if I could even then. I was enjoying the heat that his body gave off, more so since the antibiotics seemed to make me cold. 

"Go find something on the Tv well I look to make sure we have food for what you want."

"Ok."

Sitting down on the couch the leather was cold on my bare legs. I was just wearing another one of Creed's hoodies. it was what I wore the whole week I was in the medic wing. Caleb would help me get it on and then reattach me to the Iv drip. He had been surprisingly not too bad, or drunk. From the looks of it, he had been sober for at least a week. If anyone knew how long he had been sober for it would be my uncle, but that was a great deal more than I was willing to discuss with him. What he and the doctor did or were up to was his business.

I felt bad for stretching out Creed's sweater as I pulled it over my knees and down to my ankles. I was super crunched upon myself, but that was ok because I was warmer now at least. The main reason I had wrapped the sweater over my legs was that I was too lazy to grab a blanket.

"Ok, so we have fries and onion rings in the freezer and ground pork and beef I can make into burgers, sound good?"

"Hmm. It will do."

Creed walked past me to the closet and grabbed a blanket and tossed it across the room onto the couch.

"If your cold, you could have asked me to grab a blanket before you turned into a human pretzel inside my sweater."

"I have a blanket now. So."

Creed just shook his head as he went back to the kitchen. Grabbing the blanket I untucked my feet and covered them with the blanket. Creed had grabbed a good fuzzy blanket. It wasn't long until I was starting to feel tired from the medication and being nice and toasty warm.

I could smell the food being cooked in the kitchen and could hear Creed tinkering around in there as well. Even with all smells and sounds I was fading fast. As I rolled on my side towards the couch and stretched out, the dog tags move against my skin. I smiled slightly in my sleepy haze. I closed my eyes, I just needed to rest them.

"Alexi, hun. Wake up, food is done."

I groaned and tried to ignore him. That didn't go as plan when he picked me. That made me open my eyes and look up at him. In my sleepy haze, I could appreciate how attractive Creed was. Even though he was a wall of a man he wasn't like a steroid pumping beefcake. He worked to gain and maintain his muscles.

I never noticed the way his eyes, from a distance, were hazel. But up close were bluer than anything. This was fascinating to me, something I had overlooked all of the times before we had made eye contact.

"Alexi."
"Huh? Yeah?"
"I'm trying to set you down."

I looked and realized we were in the kitchen at the table, he was trying to set me in a kitchen chair.

"Then put me down.." I said.
"I would, but you've made that difficult. I need you to let go of the back of my shirt. You have it bunched in your hand."

I quickly realized he was right about that. I was holding onto him. But I found I didn't quite want to let go. But I did. He set me in the chair and walked to the counter to grab the plates. He had made my burger and put the good pre-sliced swiss cheese on top, with a healthy amount of honey mustard. This man knew my burger, not that it was hard. But we had only gone out together for burgers twice.

"Made the way you like it. You would not believe how hard I worked to find two buns."

That made me smile. I covered my mouth with my hand because I didn't want him to see me smile.
Fries with gravy were also on the plate along with four large onion rings. I hated how much he knew me and how little I actually knew about him.

We are in silence, not because we had nothing to say, but because it was something we did. Only when we both were full did we speak.

"Hope the burger was ok, it's been quite some time since I've made homemade burgers, I was in my twenties the last time."

"Your burger-making skills are top-shelf. I enjoyed that."

Creed didn't hide his smile. I found myself wondering again, what he was like back then before I knew him. I reached down the neck of the hoodie touching the dog tags. He had everything before a wife, a child and a reasonable life. How that changed for him so quickly was devastating. I would never want him to go through that again.

"Alexi?"
"Yeah?"
"You're deep in thought, what about?"
"The past. Would you change any of it if you knew it would change the future?"
"No. I'm pretty happy with where I am right now."
"I would change the night I told you how I felt. I would have been honest with myself."
"Alexi, you don't need----"
"Creed, no. You need to understand that I will never let you go through what happened before, I never want you to lose everything again. That why we can't----"
"Shut it."
"No, you need to know that I want to----"

Creeds lips were on mine and there was no urge to shove him away, and that was the dangerous part. I didn't want to love him. But I was realising how late I am to stopping it.

"What happened before, will never happen again Alexi."

I was overwhelmed by his affectionate behaviour. I wasn't used to it, from anyone.

"I need to lay down."
"Let me walk you---"
"No no, I'll be fine."
"I'll wake you when it's time for your pills again."
"Thanks. I appreciate everything you do."
"I know."

I walked down the hall into my bedroom. It was clear Creed had been sleeping in here every night. Closing the door I felt regret. I was in love with him, and I was able to see that. But I was scared to tell him, or even show him. The dog tags on my neck were the fucked up part of it all. I knew with them around my neck how it made us look. How we appeared to those around us. How had the others decided that even with everything stacked up against them, they were willing to lose it all, for even a few moments of bliss?

Maddox had Emerson, Jackson had Zev, they both had children, they had chosen bliss over fear. I wanted that, I wanted Creed. But I didn't know if I could have bliss when I feared so much of losing him.

Touching my lips it was clear that Creed had chosen bliss with me, even though he had almost died because of me. For once I needed Creed to listen to me as he had never done so before because if he didn't, I might lose my mind trying to both have what I want and trying to keep it safe.

As my uncle said. I was fucked.