I scrub my hands in the wash basin between mine and Axellia’s beds, sighing as I watch the colors scrape off my skin.
Finger paints.
I wanted to get some from the roamers so bad before but now…I don’t care. I keep scrubbing at my hands to get rid of the last of the paints, making quiet splashing sounds. The only other sounds in the nursery is the rocking of Bebin’s chair, the clinking of her spoon against her tea cup, and the tugging of the tiny brush Axellia is dragging through her dolls’ hair.
My hands clean, I dry them off on a towel and walk back to the little table near the window. I stare out at the main hall. Father and the smart people have been in there for a while now. I wonder what they’re talking about. I watch for a little while longer, hoping that maybe Father will finish and come out. He doesn’t. Sighing, I go back to my picture. It’s of me and Nicholai, watching the roamers fly by. I only drew a detailed picture of the girl I saw screaming at the white line. She was the only one I got a good look at. I blow at it, trying to get it to dry.
Blow. Blow.
Creak. Creak.
Clink. Clink.
Brush. Brush.
Those are the only sounds being made inside the nursery. Everything is so quiet I can hear the guards talking outside.
“...burned half the harvest. How are we going to feed everyone?”
“Rice fields in the south were untouched as far as we know.”
“If the south’s smart they’ll keep it all to themselves, since they won’t be getting any crops from us.”
“The King should ask for a bigger donation from the cattlemen to make up for the loss.”
“They’re not going to give up more of their living than they normally would, are you daft?”
“They’re going to lose half of the cattle to starvation anyway. Might as well ease the burden on the rest of us.”
“We’d have more luck getting extra food from the Fire Isles. Isn't the governor the queen's brother?”
“Doesn't matter. That’s going to take too long. Winter’s already on it’s way. We need food now.”
I tap my painting to make sure it’s dry. There’s still a small bit of dampness but it’s dry enough. I pick my pencil and on the white space I left in the sky I write:
"I miss you."
My work done, I pick it up and go toward the door to the hall. Bebin finally looks up from her now cold cup of tea that she hasn’t even taken a sip out of.
“Child, where are you going?” she asks as I open the door. A set of guards are waiting for me, their spears crossed.
“I’m sorry, Prince Cai, but we can’t let you leave.”
“I’m just going to Nicholai’s room.”
“Sir, I-” the guard stops, and sighs, head hung. He glances over at Bebin. She stands and walks to me. Setting a hand on the top of my head, she bends down to see what I’m holding. Her lip trembles as she stares at my painting. She takes a deep breath and turns back to the guards.
“Let him mourn,” she says. The guards nod and pull back their spears to let me pass. I step out and realize there are lines of guards along the wall on either side of the door. Two come out of their places and walk on either side of me, leading me to the room next to the nursery. They stand on either side of Nicholai’s door as I enter it.
The bed's not made. School books are scattered everywhere. A breakfast tray is still sitting on the nightstand with a piece of crust on it. Sitting at the window seat, a bundle of clothes held tight against her chest, is Mother. She’s still wearing black, but it’s a different dress. There’s bits of white on the bottom and the sleeves. Mother’s sea serpent, Oris, has climbed up from the moat where he usually stays and is sticking his head through Nicholai’s window. Mother runs a hand over the ridge going from his brow down the back of his head.
She doesn’t seem to notice me. Oris does though. He huffs at me, winking one of his eyes. I wave to him as I walk over to the bed, to the side Nicholai always slept on. His pillow still has a dent in it. No one has fluffed it. I set my painting in the dent, and look back at Mother. She’s so still. The only thing moving is the hand stroking Oris.
“Mother?” I ask, walking towards her.
She doesn’t turn to look at me, but clutches the clothes closer against her. Oris chortles and I reach my hand out the window. He sets his nose against my palm and purrs, his skin squishy and blue as the sea. I lean my chin on the window sill and keep stroking Oris’ head. He bites down on a strand of my hair and tugs gently on it. I try to push him off but he keeps tugging at my hair until I force the corner of my mouth to curl into a smile. He purrs, lets go of my hair and taps my chin up with the tip of his nose.
“It’s all different now,” Mother says. Oris lets out a sad grumble as he turns back to her and sets his head in her lap.
“It’s all changed,” she whispers as she sets her hand back on his ridge.
I come closer to her, and see that she’s looking at the main hall. Is she waiting on Father too? Oris chortles to her. She glances at him, sighs, and looks back at the main hall. I wonder if Oris is talking to her. Familiars can talk to their holders, but not other people. At least that’s what…
…what Nicholai told me. I scoot closer to Mother and try to crawl into her lap. She doesn’t look at me. She doesn’t even seem to know I’m there. She closes her eyes and a few tears roll down her cheek. I begin to feel uncomfortable and scoot back to the other corner of the window.
A loud trumpet blows from on top of the main hall. Mother perks up a bit as she watches, wiping the tears away from her face. I look out too, wondering what she’s waiting on.
The Durcardi flag is lowered. The bull, the blacksmith, and sun on the orange background disappear to be replaced by a red flag, with a silver sword.
“War,” Mother whispers as Oris sniffs, sending out tiny jets of water. She closes her eyes, but the rest of her face never changes. There are no more tears. There’s nothing, once again.
I take a deep breath. I’m scared to talk but I feel like I have to.
“M-”
“Prince Cai,” one of the guards calls from outside as he pokes his head in. “It’s time to bring you back, sir.”
I turn and look back at Mother.
She doesn’t move. Oris turns his head from her, to me, to her, and back to me. He purrs and nudges his head towards the guard. I sigh as I walk back into the hall and let the guards lead me back to the nursery.
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