It was heavily raining that day. I couldn’t understand. Why did my family have to go through this? Certainly, if the war hadn’t existed. My brother would still have been alive. Perhaps, it was our luck. 

Even with power, you can die far too quickly. My brother was an example. Nobody would comfort me. Everyone wanted to reap the benefits of my house. No one truly cared about me.

My niece Phil was left to me, my wife had passed two years ago, and my son is cursed. This life truly is a waste.

That was the day I swore to kill the demons. Even if it was inevitable, I still can’t accept that. I will rid this world of demons.

I was conscripted into war. But, this was something I wanted.

The military academy in the imperial capital was a place where status was unknown, cadets can die from training. 

< 2 Years Later >

“Cadet 504! What the f-ck are you doing!? Don’t you know how to f-cking fight?” he said. The instructor, he was someone who would train people to the bone. This man was merciless. 

“No Sir!” - I wanted to become stronger. I need to become stronger.

“Cadet 504, you will be privately trained.” he said.

< Training Facility >

He punched me. Again and again, and again.

“Get the f-ck up. You incompetent bastard.” - he was right. I had no strength. I was weak. 

“Get up! And punch me! Spineless bastard.” - My head was spinning, my nose was bleeding. I wanted to run away. But, I won’t. My resolve amounts to much more than this. I am not a coward.

“Here take this!” - I finally landed a punch on him, but by that point my hand didn’t have any strength.

“Stupid boy!” - He punched me once, I was knocked out.

I was unconscious. I had to get up and beat him. 

I opened my eyes, only to be blinded by the lights. I was in the infirmary. 

“Hmm~ Looks like he woke up.” said the old woman near me, she had a nonchalant atmosphere, not something I would expect from a healer.

“Huh? He finally woke up?” - It was the instructor.

“I…. Will…. Beat you!” I shouted.

“Shut up boy. Your face looks horrible, get better.” - he said. Was he concerned about me? That was something I hadn’t expected from this harsh instructor.

“Ok sir!” - Saying that, I felt tired. So, I slept.

< 3 Months Later >

“Finally, you’re getting better. And here I thought you were a wuss.” he said. The instructor looked proud. 

There were 10 instructors for every 500 cadets. He at least trained 50 cadets, I was one of them. Yet, ever since that day; He has always trained me harder than everyone else. 

I finally gained strength. I was able to fight. Two years had passed since my brother died. I was finally able to join the army. 

I will get my revenge. I swore this upon myself.

But reality wasn’t so simple. The attack against the western front of the demon continent. This front was still holding even after centuries of war. If this front was broken down, the demons could be eradicated. At least that’s what I had thought.

I was already called the “Aigrm DaeMon” - words meaning the black demon. I used to wear a black tailcoat, always leaving a trail of blood wherever I went, that’s what earned me that nickname. 

I had destroyed 100’s of demons, no maybe even 1000’s. Yet, I didn’t feel any satisfaction. Is this truly what I wanted? 

No….. this is what I wanted. I just need to kill more. 

I had lost myself.

I thought by killing the demons everything would be solved. But, the more I learned about them, the more I wanted to end myself.

They had families, children, wives, parents, sisters, brothers… They were like us. So, what does that make me?

I was now a demon.

I had now become what I had sworn to kill. I had abandoned my own son for my petty revenge. 

But, there was one person who always stayed by my side. That was Baronet Alck. He had a family, and had a purpose to return to his own home. He was a close friend.

There was also one other companion, one who was younger than me, he was Ryoko Jin Schwer. The three of us were friends, though Alck wasn’t very strong. He kept us going.

But all of it ended that day.

Alck died protecting me from an enemy archer.

Ryoko didn’t say anything. Neither did I. The both of us broke apart after that. I constantly killed demons, I would almost die at many times. But, I just couldn’t die, I constantly escaped death. I wanted to die.

I had met Ryoko after two years, we were both in the tent at the western front. Yet, the first thing he told me was; “You look horrible, you bastard.”

“What do you know?” I told him.

“What do I know? You’re asking me?” - “Yeah.”

“I know you’re trying to kill yourself, that’s what I know.” - “Shut up! What do you even know about me!! You’re a disgrace of the Schwer family! What the hell do you know!?”

“Certainly, I was the disgrace of the Schwer family. But I didn’t abandon my responsibilities. Unlike a certain someone.” 

“What should I live for?! I have no one!!” I shouted at him. I truly didn’t have anyone, what would he know.

“You dare to say that to me? What about Alck!! What the f-ck did he die for?! For you? I’d rather have him live!” he continued. 

“Alck lost his family, and his life! For you! Your worthless life! You abandoned your son, your niece, and you leave your territory to a butler, and you say that I don’t know what I’m talking about?!”

He held me by my neck and had eyes that despised me, he truly hated me.

“At Least Alck died a hero, what would you die as? The duke who abandoned his own house. Be real Var. You’re the real disgrace.” - He dropped me to the ground.

“.....” I didn’t say anything. Afterall, he was right. 

“Goodbye.” he said. Leaving the tent.

I couldn’t do anything, I was just kneeling on the ground, crying. What did I fight so hard for? I was in service for one more year.

After my 5 years of service. I was given a 2 year break to return to my home. But, what did I even have, to return to? 

But, I still would have to return back after this break.

Returning home, I was relieved to come back. It truly felt like I had escaped hell. Yet, I felt empty. I had only lost more, in this journey for revenge. It was raining out, with thunder and lightning. I could see the old man waiting for me at the entrance to the estate.

“It’s been five years, my lord.” he said. Though he is my servant, I don’t know anything about him. His family comes from elves, they have served our house for generations. 

“My son?” - “He is in his room, my lord.”

Room, huh? I’m guessing he never got out of there. Well, it’s only right that I check up on him.

“Var- Son, I- I’m home.” - “.....” as expected there was no reply.

“...come...in...” did he say something?

“I’m coming in.” I went in, yet I couldn’t see my son anywhere. I found him. He was curled up in the corner of his room, covering both his face and body. His fingers looked like they were of a decaying corpse, his body emitted a nasty smell. Yet, I didn’t feel disgusted. I couldn’t feel anything. I didn’t even sympathize with my son who was suffering.

“He- Hello father… It’s been… a whi-”

“Take care of him.” - I just left the room. “As you wish, my lord.” - Did I care about my own son? No, I abandoned him. Even now.

I then went to bathe, yet when I looked at myself in the mirror. I couldn’t see myself. Only an empty shell, that had lost all purpose.

That was also the faithful day when I met her. A simple maid. But she was determined. She wouldn’t settle down without finishing her work. A hard working and happy person. A far cry from me. I truly envied her.

“Oy! Lilia… What are you doing!” she said. The maid.

“I’m sorry…. I didn’t know what to do..” replied her friend.

Even though I was walking by, she didn’t notice me. 

“Forgive my impertinence, my lord.” - Or rather she did. “It’s fine.” - I wonder. Would I have been happy just like her, if there wasn’t a war. There’s no point in this.

Wiping my body, and wearing casual clothes, I went to sleep. Yet I couldn’t. 

I wanted to be a loving father.

I wanted to be the ideal son.

I wanted to be a dependable husband.

I wanted to be the funniest little brother.

I wanted to be the respectable and dignified lord.

But, I’ve lost all those aspirations. I’ve now become something akin to trash. No, maybe something worse.

Yet, she changed something in me. She was one person who was never afraid to talk back to me. In the beginning, I had thought she was just a person who didn’t have respect for me. But, I didn’t bother to do anything to her. Certainly if this was years ago, she would’ve been executed immediately. But, now I had no intention of doing that. Soon, I realized that she was just someone who was looking for the best for her lord. 

This girl was very interesting, and for that I hired her to be my personal maid. And of course I gave her full rights to talk to me freely. She also took care of Varkhaz of her own accord.

“My lord… Are you really going to wear this..?” she asked me. What was wrong with it? Certainly, it was old and a bit dusty. But it was a good pair of clothes.

“Yes, is there something wrong?” - “My lord… for someone of your status, you don’t seem to be caring about how you look.”

“Ah well… I have no interest or point in that.” - “No! We can’t let our handsome lord look so dull, you have to look dashing!” she said. How funny. This servant seems to care more about her lord than the lord himself.

“Haha…. Well fine, I give up.” - “Finally! Let’s get tailors to stitch you the best suits!”

It will take a few weeks to arrive, so I had to postpone the meeting with the nobles by a month.

After the suit had arrived, the maid told that they’d need a week to prepare, and we had enough time, and so my face was then ‘redone’, my long and unmaintained beard was completely cut down. My hair was combed back. My mustache however was left untouched, and all my clothes were now new. She had even ordered a spare sword for me, just for the sake of the meeting.

But all of it was pointless.

We both loved each other, I had truly thought that this was when I could turn my life for the better. Yet… 

After I had left for war, I had received news that my innocent maid had died. Temporarily coming back to the territory with special permission, I was back. 

Even though I had come back.

I couldn’t even find her body, it was obvious. She was afterall a random maid in the ducal household, nobody would bother. Would she have been alive, If I had announced her existence. 

The only thing left of her was a child, this child was being taken care of by the maid’s friend. Even she had not known whose child it was. I knew that this child was mine, I had soon announced that; I wouldn’t make another mistake. Yet, even then they’d question the authenticity of this child. I did my best to shut all the nobles up.

Looking at this child, I was afraid. I didn’t want to give her the pain of being abandoned…. I had named this child Estrelle. She was named after her mother. She looked beautiful.

I held her in my heart and cried for days… I couldn’t bear to see this child alone… 

Yet, I had given this child to my maid’s friend. Perhaps this child will be happier that way. Being the child of someone like me, is a curse.

I hadn’t seen the child since. I didn’t want to see her. I didn’t want to remind myself of my failure. From the reports of the head maid who was appointed after my maid’s death, apparently my child was happy. I knew this was a lie. The numbers never made up, I have never seen the child in this house, nor have I seen my maid’s friend. 

I wanted to never see this, so I lied to myself. I told myself that she was happy. I was never prepared to take care of this child. My son had also lost his only maid who ever took care of him with love. 

I didn’t do anything, and just went back to service. I had once again left my territory in the hands of Arbor, I wouldn’t be able to return for 6 years.

< 5 Years Later >

Soon, I had gotten a letter.

This letter too was very vague. I’ve had my suspicions, but now they have been proven. Arbor has always sent letters like these, but the difference is simple, I’ve also had my own vassal send letters to me. But, this vassal has not sent letters in the past three months. I can only take this, as his message. The message that means ‘he was dead’. 

By the time that I had reached the territory, all my trusted vassals were dead. The territories which I had allocated to my vassals, had now come under my name. The four-sector policies were broken. The tax rates were unbearable. Only territories on the border had been unaffected. But, the borders had also started to get ‘screwed over’.

Soon after reaching, I executed all the nobles who were ‘leeches’; Those who only lived to ruin the lives of the common. 

“Arbor. What do I do now?” - “You may kill me, my lord.”

“Why did you do it?” - “I wanted to ruin you, my lord.”

“My son?” - “I was the one who cursed him- No, I wanted to curse phil. The curse was redirected.”

“.....” - “He was only healed by a curse, meaning he could never live more than 2- Maybe 4 years.”

I couldn’t speak. What more can I say? Of course he would betray me, afterall our family has been keeping these elves enslaved for more than 500 years. He was grinning. Even at the moment of his death, he was grinning. I beheaded him. As blood spewed everywhere, the life in his eyes disappeared.