Present time

Perhaps I should have gone with an apartment farther from the subway station. Everywhere I went, there were floods of people. It was a Friday night, after all. Groups of men, young and old, were out for a smoking break amongst their hours of drinking. Girls—most likely college students like me—laughed together while walking along the sidewalks, shopping bags in their hands. A typical busy night in the city, yet here I was bawling my eyes out on a bench.

There was no way I would go back to my apartment tonight. Yes, it was my apartment. Sure, the place was under my dad’s name, but he was my dad. Elsie should have been the one kicked out, not me. She had no right to stay there anymore. No right to have ever used my bed in such a—

Ugh.

My face went fully red at the memory. How unflattering given my currently swollen, weeping eyes. I promptly buried my face into my hands to save everyone the embarrassment of having to see it anymore.

I didn’t want to think about Elsie nor her dirty deeds anymore. I thought I had it in me to face that short moment of shock and push it out of my head forever. But that wasn’t happening anytime soon. The traumatic image was still as clear as day in my mind and had no plans of leaving me alone.

Elsie’s naked body— I was crying all over again.

The sound of heavy panting drew closer and closer, eventually coming from right in front of me. “There… you are…”

I lifted my face from my hands, only to immediately cover it again from the great blush on my cheeks. I couldn’t look at her anymore.

“Yura…” Elsie’s voice was extra breathy whenever she said my name. It was because of her English accent, the way she didn’t put stress into the R. My name came more as a sigh than a call. This time, it was a sigh of relief. “Yura, I was looking everywhere for you. Why didn’t you bring your fucking phone with you? I got worried…”

I sniffled back my tears, anger rising up my throat. Elsie had done absolutely no good tonight, yet here she was swearing at me now. I scoffed, “Yeah, like you’d ever actually worry about me.”

I wasn’t entirely sure what expression was on my face as I stared up at her, but it had Elsie cautious. Perhaps conscious as well. She took a seat next to me on the bench, careful to leave some breathing room between us.

“Look, I’m sorry. I… I’m sorry, Yura. I don’t know what else to say.”

A cold breeze brushed past us, reminding us that early March was still technically winter. Elsie shivered, making me notice she only had on a hoodie.

I stood up, walking in the direction of our apartment. Elsie followed me with her head held low. She didn’t speak until we reached the front door.

“The girl’s gone,” she said when I hesitated putting in the passcode for the lock.

Who was she? How did you two meet? What was her name? I had plenty of questions to ask her. This was despite the fact that I had told myself I wouldn’t get involved in any of her affairs. But in the end, I didn’t say a word to her.

I entered the apartment, and my eyes immediately went to my open bedroom. The covers were left a mess. A pillow was abandoned on the floor. I did not want to know who had touched it. I especially did not want to know which part of them did. Ignorance was bliss.

I headed for Elsie’s bed, which was actually a futon that doubled as our living room sofa. I plopped down, and she got the message.

“I’ll sleep on the floor,” Elsie said quietly.

I didn’t understand her. Wouldn’t a normal person choose to sleep in the very bed she boldly had sex on? She already used it without my permission once. Like it would be any worse for her to do it a second time on the same night. There was no worse than what she had already done.

I hated her. That was why I said nothing when she took a pillow and lay down on the floor a few steps away from me. I didn’t care if she was uncomfortable. She made me uncomfortable from the day she first walked in here.

I had been keeping my distance from her, building a brick wall between us that only got taller and taller by the day. How could she have been so casual about admitting something so far beyond me?

Just so you know, I’m a lesbian.

I had never met a lesbian prior to her. In fact, I barely even knew what it was beyond the dictionary definition before she forcibly made me see the details.

Although, before the hate fully surfaced, what I felt the most about Elsie was actually dread. I had no idea how to approach her. Even now with a few weeks of living together, I still didn’t know how to make a proper conversation with her. But it wasn’t so much that I was scared to talk to her anymore. Rather, her voice simply repulsed me, especially whenever it called my name in that breathy way.