Dark circles under his eyes, a raw lip from chewing on it, unkempt hair despite the newer haircut…
Jack pulled his eyes away from his reflection. He didn't get it. Maybe on some base level he was attractive enough. He used to have no trouble getting a date. Getting them to stick around was another story, but at least he could initiate and maintain a normal conversation. But now… Now, it was obvious he wasn't right in the head. His skittishness didn't help matters, either.
He used to be able to cover up his anxiety and depression with a carefree smile. Now, it was all laid out for the world to see, and he just didn't have the energy to fake it anymore. He chewed at a hangnail as he thought about how Kieran had managed to coax a smile from him. He stopped chewing when he tasted blood and dropped his hand.
No, there had to be something else that Kieran was interested in. Maybe word got out again. Missy and her brother wouldn't have said anything, though. Helping that kid build his first computer and getting him out of his shell had put Jack squarely in Missy's "this is mine" pile. Outside of hacking into the police station to peruse their digital files, he hadn't done so much as offer a cracked program. His new alias had zero reputation and just made skins and templates for websites. Just enough to survive.
He gazed back at the mirror. Maybe he looked desperate enough to be a quick and easy lay. One well-placed compliment, and he'd happily lube himself up? He grimaced at his reflection. Did wanting companionship give off the same vibe as wanting to get laid? Who could he ask without sounding weird? Without sounding more broken?
Tara knew about his preferences since high school and never judged him, but she just didn't get it. He was thankful that she didn't feel uncomfortable about it and would freely tease him over his lack of sexual desire.
He turned away from his mirror and went to his dresser to find something clean to wear. Or, at least, clean enough. He pulled on a dark grey long sleeved shirt and found his jeans from the day before at the foot of his mattress. He just needed to get out, get Candace a birthday present, then hole up in the library for a while. No one needed to be impressed.
For a brief moment, he contemplated getting his own internet or bumming off his upstairs neighbor's still unlocked wifi. He shook the thought from his head. It wasn't worth the risk. It was bad enough his name was on his apartment's lease.
He paused as he looped his laptop bag over his head. He was forgetting something. Windows were locked. CD cases and bottles were arranged. He looked over every surface until his eyes landed on his keys laying on the counter. He grabbed them and was on his way.
Jack poked about the shelves of the small metaphysical store. He still wasn't sure if he found the overpowering scent of incense calming or obnoxious. He moved on from the display of candles and incense to see if there were any books that Candace might enjoy.
The door chimed as Jack flipped through a book on tarot. Maybe he should just get her a gift card. He wanted to get her something nice, something that showed he paid attention, but there was too much to choose from. Too many books, too many candles, too many pendulums, and too many smells clashing together and making it hard to breathe.
He put the book back on the shelf and clutched his hands around his bag's strap. He needed to leave. But if he left, then he'd have to come back. Even if he'd been in the store with Candace enough for the cashier to recognize him, it would be too awkward.
He could always shove some cash in a card. Would that be considered thoughtless? He liked free money. Sometimes. The guilt and indebtedness, he could do without.
He began chewing on a hangnail as he stared miserably at the bookshelf.
A figurine of a green fairy was thrust in front of him, and he jumped back with a strangled gasp. He looked from the fairy to the person holding it and relaxed under Tara's smile.
"You forgot, too?" he asked.
Tara scoffed and shook her head. "I'm here for sage. I already got her the blue one of these ugly things," she said as she turned the fairy over. "You should get her this one. She's been staring at them everytime we come in."
"Maybe she thinks they're ugly, too?" Jack said, examining the fairy. It was porcelain and painted to look like a vintage figurine. He didn't see the appeal, but if Candace liked it, then he'd gladly get it for her.
"Candy, sorry. Cadence actually cooed when she first saw them."
Jack raised his eyes to Tara, saw her frown, and looked back at the fairy. "I'm not calling her 'Cadence.' Anyway, if she hasn't already gotten them, then… How much?" he asked.
Tara smiled and patted Jack's shoulder. "Twenty-five bucks. Like I said, she's been staring at them. Very pointedly."
A small smile slipped from Jack, and he took the fairy from Tara. "This makes things a lot easier," he said gratefully.
Jack bought the fairy and a matching card. He'd be free from his patchouli and sandalwood prison soon. He watched as the cashier wrapped it up in bubble wrap then looked at Tara. "Can you take it home with you? I don't trust myself not to break it."
Tara nodded and held open her tote bag for Jack to place the wrapped up fairy inside. "I'll even be nice and wrap… Woah. Hottie alert," she said, her eyes glued to the shop's window.
Jack looked over as he heard the cashier murmur an agreement. His breath caught at the sight of Kieran looking at the window display.
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