(Pre- Chapter 1)The story of my 2th love

2017 January 2 I met a girl and I fall in love; it wasn’t that early when I realize I liked her in an intimate way. I still remember the first time our eye met, she’s smiles at me and still try to talk to me even when I’m plain being rude. Well, at least that’s how I remember. I don’t really know wend we started getting close, before our school start, we’ll take turns to wait for each other’s arrival some time we’ll go down to our nearest food truck to get keropok* or mango, those good time. For the longest time I thought we could be close for a long time but, I’m a shitty person I don’t deserve anything good in life. I person who is so nice, kind and patient to me I’ll still some how will push them away. There’s no redeeming ark for me I’m not a good person, family, friends and partner.    

We sat next to each other in class

Eat with each other at lunch

We were basically sewed together

And now I realize I might have lock her because I’m selfish

Our friendship was never meant to last, I realize that at the very beginning. We did have interesting moment that maybe only I remembered, what a shame. My memories don’t last long with me but somehow, they stayed.

The first-time meeting Puan Chan, we were just walking from the main gate to the canteen, this teacher come out of nowhere call out to us

“kid come help me out”

“um, ok”

“hey I’ve never seen you two before when did you two transfer”

 “eh ha, we just form 1 we didn’t transfer from anywhere”

“no way you both seem older, I see, anyway just come help me out”

And we help her carried some boxes and go on our marry way. That was kind of the first time we click; we just laugh it off though I felt insulted.

 I thought it was fun having each other around, and it felt incredibly lonely when she’s not around like when she didn’t come to school. It’s not like I don’t have other friends is just that it felt different when it’s just me and her. It was mid-April and she got sick and didn’t went to school, so I went with another friend group of mine I don’t remember much, just the bitter felling of knowing she’s sick and not being able to help her crushes me. I can talk to others just fine and being with them all right. The week later she came back she jokingly ask

“was it lonely hun?”

“no, I just leach off other. Are you better now, I was kind of worried?”

“I’m find totally” while smacking my back really hard

“see, quit being a worry word, otherwise you’ll be sick form worrying about me it’ll make me guilty”     

Will you really feel guilty though? From my point you don’t.

Uneventful as everyday goes but having to spend time with you are truly amazing. That time we were having lunch right beside out school stage we were singing 告白气球*, at the end

“在说我，愿意*”

“hey if I have the chance, I really want to kiss my lover after singing like that”

I scoff “I would too”

“It would be nice to be in a romantic relationship, right? Since our school have so many couple”

“yeah, maybe who knows I never been in a relationship before”

 “ya, it be nice if I have a boyfriend, that someone who would care for me, cherish me, touch me and love me”

“right…”

“but I still have standard um he must be taller than me, stronger than me, fair and hot. He must be kind to me and my family, remember all anniversary oh oh and know how to swim. Say what’s your type”

            I didn’t say anything. How could I answer her I don’t have the guts and I thought I wasn’t mature enough to think about it I simply answer

            “They just have to take my felling back, that will be enough”

            “wow is your standard really that low”

            “if I love them and they love me back that will be enough”

If you could like me back the way I like you that would be nice.

keropok- a malay deep fried cracker

告白气球- a song by Jay Chou 

在说我，愿意- the last lyrics of 告白气球