Taya jerked up in the middle of the night, sweat soaking her bedroll.

She fell onto her bedroll with a sigh.

The nightmares were getting worse. Why? Why were they getting worse? Wasn’t she okay now?

She was supposed to have gotten better. Things were going right for once. So then why was it that she still was haunted by terrors in the night?

Was it Bás Síoraí? Or was it Despair weaseling its way back into her mind?

Stop blaming outside factors. You cannot sleep because you failed.

Taya sat up, hyperventilating. No. No, no, no, it was back!

She got up from her bedroll and leapt up into the trees to deal with this where she might not wake the others.

Taya settled in a crook between two thick branches and let out a sigh.

Unchecked, it had spread. Her heart ached with guilt and grief. Everyone she’d known and loved was dead. She could’ve stopped it. She knew she could’ve. The Nikan could fling hundreds at her and she still could’ve protected them. If only...

It’s not your fault. Taya tried to convince herself.

But you still feel guilty. Why is that, I wonder? Taya...no, that wasn’t Taya. Taya was the woman who knew what she wanted, how to get it and never gave up. The part of her that wallowed in sorrow and remained entrenched in grief? That was Despair’s seed.

Get out of my head, you wretch. She demanded.

Despair stopped speaking. It caused her to ask herself how that was supposed to happen. It was just as much a part of her as anything else.

NO! Stop trying to lie to me! I may have been born with it, but it has no place here in my heart!

Was she supposed to feel nothing for mother? Was her life really that worthless?

Grief, yes. But guilt…

She could’ve stopped it.

Stop focusing on the past. What’s done is…

She was alone. Nobody in the world was left to help her. Everyone wanted her to stop. Would it not be simpler to just give up this hopeless quest?

Stay aware. Separate yourself from it. Taya repeated in her head, Deny it. Deny it. Don’t let it bind itself to you.

Did she really plan on spending her whole life entrenched in suffering? She’d drag everyone into this swamp with her and drown them. Already, she was doing it with these four.

Taya huddled into a ball in the tree, her arms threatening to crush her own body.

Queen of Crows...please…

She was fooling herself. The Phantom Queen was not the type to help her work through her problems. Even her own Shedim had abandoned her.

Why was she even so obsessed with her people? They had cast her out and left her to die. She should hate them.

Yes. Hatred. She was isolated already. SHe couldn’t let people continue to hurt her.

NO! It’s attacking you through Cooperation. Remember the mantras! True Weakness is Isolation!

What good would telling herself that do?

Don’t let it out of your sight. Stay aware. Maintain your Conviction. True Weakness is Fear.

Fear? She wasn’t afraid. She was guilty. She had all this power and yet was unable to use it properly. Perhaps she should try.

Humility! Your power is worthless if you squander it on abuse.

Her mother and father were dead. Those of her village who survived turned on her. Clearly, she must be doing something wrong.

Going at Cooperation aga...no...not that...which one?

The only people she had were a ragtag band of nobodies and the Dusk Circle, who most considered crazy.

That one was...I...I don’t know. It’s true.

Taya strained herself to keep from breaking down, but failed. Hush sobs left her as she pressed her head to her knees, muscles eager to crush something in her impotent frustration. She was alone. She’d taken a stand against the true gods of this world and as a result, doomed all those around her. Those who didn’t submit to the Nikan would die. And what was she to do if she died? Better to live as a slave.

“Taya?” a whispered voice asked.

Father? Taya’s head perked up and looked down at the forest floor.

“Bjorn?” She sniffed.

“You...You alright?” he asked.

“Y-yeah. It’s nothing.” She muttered.

Bjorn sighed, “You think I’m going to believe that for a second?”

How could she bear to look at him? He had been dragged along by her into what was surely his death. She had killed him.

Taya grinned and whispered to herself, “Humility.”

How arrogant was she to think that she had led Bjorn by the nose? That he didn’t have enough sense to know the risks of fighting the Nikan? 

“What was that?” Bjorn asked.

“Nothing.” Taya dropped from her place in the tree with a graceful landing. She stood up straight and sighed, “You’re right, Bjorn. I’m not as alright as I’d like to be. I...um, care to listen?”

Bjorn nodded, a hint of confusion on his face. Taya herself was confused. The confidence wasn’t an act most of the time, but for some reason she’d felt it necessary to put it on when she was supposed to be vulnerable. Taya did away with the facade and sat against the tree, patting the ground next to her.

As Bjorn sat, she stared up at the bright full moon. The dim light was brighter than usual, lighting up the night with a mystical aura.

“So...what’s got you...down? Afraid? I don’t know, how do you feel?” Bjorn asked, stumbling over his own mind, which was too quick for his tongue. Taya found that contrast rather endearing.

“I wholeheartedly believe that there’s a force of this world out to get us. Out to kill every single human.” Taya muttered, “A force so powerful it might be called the one true god.”

“What’s this force’s name?”

“Despair. Could also be called Apathy, Despondency, Devas-”

“I know what despair means.” Bjorn chuckled.

“I wasn’t finished.” Taya said, pouting, “You know, you’re not very good at this.”

Bjorn sighed, “Yeah. Sorry. Please continue.”

“Despair could also be called Complacence, Sloth, Cruelty, Purposelessness, and Fate.”

Bjorn blinked, “Fate? As in...destiny?”

“Precisely.”

“Well, I mean, it’s fate. There isn’t really anything you can do about it, no matter what you think of it.” Bjorn shrugged.

“Then you’ve already been killed.” Taya stared into his eyes.

“What?”

“There are eight ways in this world in which humans are weak, Bjorn. The weakness spirals and grows like a vile seed into Despair. Despair then kills you from the inside. It kills your care, your motivation, your courage. It won’t end your life. But it will end everything you could do with that life by convincing you preservation of what you have left is the most important thing after it takes everything from you.”

“That’s what you meant by kill?” Bjorn asked, “Not a physical death, but a death of the heart. Of the soul.”

Taya nodded, “It’s Fate that sows these seeds of weakness. Or whatever power made or controls the universe.” she glared up at the sky, “There is something out there, Bjorn. Whether or not it’s a god, I don’t know. All I know is that it’s frustrated. With us. It sees us succeed and ascend beyond what we were made to do and wants us to know our place. But we refuse.”

“If this being or force or whatever controls the universe, why not just kill us?”

“Because it knows that it must divide us to conquer us. It must first infect us with weakness. If I were in its shoe, I would say it’s doing the best it can.” Taya said, “It tries to divide us by having us be born different colors or putting us in different cultures. It tries to temper our will by making us face animals and natural disasters. It tries to cripple us with the fear of death. It tries to make us give in to our baser instincts when we feel hopeless.

“It gives us a false purpose by using good fortune to appear as a god. It tries to make us obsess over the past and convince our progeny to drag us with them after death through meaningless tradition. It tries to convince us that Conviction is wrath or that Complacence is Humility.”

“So what are we to do?” Bjorn asked.

“We frustrate Fate further. We become strong. Fate can do all it wants, Bjorn. It can influence and manipulate us. But ultimately, it can only control what happens to us. The decision we make of whether to be strong or weak in the face of it is still up to us. I don’t know why, but no matter what, that fact cannot change.”

“You seemed to have a tough time being strong yourself just now.” Bjorn said, “Is it all an act?”

“Ass,” Taya punched him in the arm. Not hard, but hard enough for him to feel it. “I learn what I can and try my hardest. It’s really all I can do. Fighting Despair is just like any fight. It’s a gamble. And one with low chances of success. But it’s worth it nevertheless.”

“How do we be strong, then?” Bjorn asked.

“That...is a long and hard road.” Taya said. “I could tell you about it all you want, but it’d be useless unless you figure it out on your own. Just know that it’s one big balancing act. We must maintain in equal amounts, idealism, conviction, evolution, remembrance, ambition, humility, cooperation and passion.”

“So did you come up with all this or is it part of a religion?” Bjorn asked.

“Neither.” Taya said, “It’s the way of the Shedim Master. A path to climb out of misery and into a life of joy molded by one’s own hands. Every one of us has something we struggle with. The Shedim are here to help us overcome our weakness and wield our strength as weapons against Bás Síoraí. I just thought the path was more linear than it appears to be.”

“Well, no matter the case, I’m certain you can push past whatever this is.” Bjorn said. “And that confidence isn’t unfounded. I’ve seen what you can do.”

Taya nodded, “Thanks, Bjorn. Having someone to talk to about all this stuff makes it seem less difficult and overwhelming.”

“Is...is there a way this path could help with something that…”

“There something plaguing you that you want to deal with?”

Bjorn shrugged, “I don’t know. I’m not sure I’ve gone through really accepting it as reality. Hell, I regret even bringing it up.”

“No, no, no, Bjorn.” Taya said, “it’s good to talk about it. If you’re not ready to tell me the story, that’s fine. But wanting to seek a solution is the most important thing you can do. Talking about it is the first step.”

The Ascommani sighed, “I...I did something. Something I regret. I don’t really wanna talk about it.”

“Well you aren’t the only one with big regrets.” Taya said, “Though, I guess in my case they aren’t really regrets anymore. Whatever, I suppose I’ll tell my story when you’re ready to tell yours. But I think we have quite a bit in common.”

“Maybe.” Bjorn sighed.

“Whatever it is, however mundane or extraordinary it may be, just as you had faith in me, I know you can get past it. I know you can be strong.” Taya put a hand on his shoulder.

He looked away, but she could see the slightest hint of a smile on his face.

“You know...now that I think about it, that’s the only time someone’s ever said they believe in me.” Bjorn said, “Well, said it and meant it.”

“Too often the only thing that drives us to do things we regret is the lack of faith people put in us. So, I think we ought to have faith in ourselves first. And from there, we need to put our faith in others so they too can find strength within themselves.” Taya mused.

Bjorn scoffed, “Sorry. I made this thing all about me.”

“No you didn’t.” Taya said, “We were done talking about my issues. It’s only fair you get a turn.”

“Have you ever thought about becoming a scholar?” Bjorn asked.

Taya scoffed, “I’m not too keen on people who use opaque language just to make themselves seem smarter.”

“Hm...maybe you should stick to public menace then.” Bjorn chuckled.

“That would work out much better for everyone.” Taya smiled.

“I’m not sure where I wanna go just yet, but...if you’re there, I think it’s as close to the right path as I can get.” Bjorn sighed.

“I’m not all that. But I won’t ever say no to the company of a friend.” Taya put a hand on Bjorn’s broad shoulder, “Whatever the world decides to throw at us, empire or frost giants, we’ll carry each other through, got that?”

Bjorn nodded, “I’ve got your back.”

Taya grinned smugly, “I know.”