It’s only a short walk to the park from the auditorium. The city planner of Eustace Springs was smart enough to put the public schools relatively close together, with a nice little park and community center in the middle. Elena and Julian find their usual picnic table, brushing a few oak leaves off the tabletop and benches before sitting down.
“So, I’ve been working on some lyrics for this one song. I sent you the music for it, but I haven’t figured out how the lyrics will fit in,” Elena says, pulling a small leatherbound book out of her bag. “It’s from a poem I wrote, so…”
She trails off when she notices Julian’s expression. He has made no move to retrieve his sheet music or his phone to play the recording she sent. He simply stares off into space, eyes unfocused, seemingly thinking deeply about something.
“Jules…” Elena says softly, laying her hand on top of his. He snaps out of his contemplative state, looking at her with wide eyes.
“Sorry… I’m sorry, what were you saying?”
“Um, what is bothering you?” she asks, crossing her arms and leaning on the table. She has that determined look on her face that Julian has grown accustomed to. The face that means “we are talking about this now, don’t try to avoid it.”
He sighs deeply, focusing on the wood grain of the table, tracing it with his finger. “I think I might… um… I might have a little itty-bitty crush on Theo.”
“Ok, and?”
Julian’s head snaps up and he meets her eyes. “And? What do you mean, and?” he asks with an incredulous tone.
“I thought we already knew you liked him?” she says, confused by his reaction.
“What makes you think that?”
“Oh, gee, I don’t know…” she holds up her hand and starts counting her reasons on her fingers. “You guys have been sitting together at lunch every day for weeks, you sang a duet from Grease together, I heard from the girls that he did the stage kiss with you and then you were all jittery afterward, you look at him like he’s the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen, you’re blushing all the time around him-”
“Oh my god! Okay, I get it!” Julian says, burying his face in his hands, trying to cover how his ears are turning red.
“Oh, hun,” Elena says, “did you really not know you were falling for him, like, this whole time?”
Julian mumbles something bitter into his hands that she can’t understand.
“Listen. It’s not the end of the world-“
“I know, but it still isn’t good, Elena! He has a girlfriend! Any time someone mentions anything remotely gay, he gets all stiff. Do you remember what happened at Jimmy’s?”
“Well yeah, but-“
“But nothing! I hate this. I can’t even, like, confess and get it over with, because for all I know he might freak out and leave the play. I can’t do that to you guys.”
“Babe, for all we know he might like you back,” Elena suggests.
“Yeah, right. Stuff like this only works out in movies, Elena.”
“Ok, but have you noticed the way he looks at you?” she asks. He looks at her inquisitively, and she continues. “The way he always picks a seat next to you during rehearsals. The way you guys just talk so naturally during lunch. His girlfriend doesn’t sit with you guys anymore, and what is his main focus still on? You. He keeps you so busy during lunch that half the time you talk until the bell rings. During the Grease duet, he couldn’t take his eyes off you. And he shared his food with you after! Don’t think I didn’t notice that, by the way.”
“That… that doesn’t mean anything. He might just be friendly, and I don’t want to scare him off.”
“Um, he did the stage kiss,” Elena reminds him. “You know he could have asked to skip it, right? Told Reba he was uncomfortable? Why do you think he did it anyway?”
“Because… he’s an ally?” Julian offers.
“No, you idiot! Oh my God!” she lets out an incredulous laugh. “Because he’s in gay panic mode and he wants to be close to you!”
Julian sits for a moment. “I just… it feels different, with him. I know I’m still young or whatever, and I’ve only seriously dated one other boy, but… Theo makes me feel safe, in a way that’s different from a friend. Different from a boyfriend, too. It’s something bigger than that.”
“Different like a husband?” Elena suggests with a wiggle of her eyebrow.
“Wh- no, Elena! I’m being serious here!” Julian grumbles. “I guess I’m kinda scared. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and I’ve only really known him for like, a month and a half. I just don’t want to act too fast and scare him away and lose this feeling. Does that make sense?”
Elena nods sympathetically as Julian slips into contemplative silence. He twists a ringlet of his short brown hair around his index finger while deep in thought. Elena sighs, before unlocking her phone, giving him time to sort out his feelings.
- Elena- miss girl I need your advice
- Susan- ? what’s happening
- Elena- Julian JUST figured out he has a crush on Theo -_-
- Susan- omg we called it!
- Elena- yeah go us! But now he’s like,,, not believing me when I say that Theo probably likes him back??
- Susan- well yeah, I’d be skeptical too since he has a gf and all
- Elena- right yea ok but heres the thing… I think we should set them up…
- Susan- parent-trap style?
- Elena- we have the same brain <3 You know how there’s that carnival next weekend?
- Susan- say less ;))
~~~
With a flick of his blinker, Theo turns into the parking lot of the local Olive Garden. Jess is content, scrolling through her phone and humming to her music that she is playing through his auxiliary cord. When they both get out of the car, she hurries over to him, wrapping her arm around his waist. He puts an arm around her shoulder, wondering why she is so affectionate today.
“Two, please,” she says to the hostess, leaning into him while they are brought to a corner booth. After he scoots into his seat, she sits beside him, leaving the other side of the table empty.
“It feels like forever since we last went out like this,” she says, twining her fingers together with his. Theo notices his heart beat a little bit faster, but it’s still nothing compared to the triathlon it ran last Friday with Julian.
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” he replies distractedly.
“I’m so glad they gave us a booth near the back… you know how older couples get with young people and their PDA,” she giggles, leaning up to kiss behind his ear. He flinches as her lips tickle his neck. He gives an insincere chuckle, reaching for a menu.
“How was practice today?” he asks, hoping to move the conversation to focus on something else while he picks an entrée.
She lets go of his hand so he can flip through the pages more easily. “It was fine. I know as a captain of the team I shouldn’t say this, but I’m getting bored of practicing the same routine over and over.”
“Ah, that makes sense. I’ve heard the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results,” he says, shrugging his shoulders.
Jess turns to face him fully with an inquisitive expression. “Where’d you hear that?”
“Uh, Julian told me it. But Einstein said it first,” he gives an awkward chuckle.
“Welcome to Olive Garden, my name is Stacey. Can I get you guys started with some drinks?” a waitress in a black dress shirt and slacks approaches them, placing a few paper coasters on the table as she speaks.
“I’ll have some water with lemon, and he’ll have a Diet Coke,” Jess answers, tracing her fingers along Theo’s forearm as she speaks. The waitress nods and smiles before swiftly moving away from the table. Once the lady has walked away, she drops her hands into her lap and leans back in the wooden booth.
“How have your lunchtime practices been going?” she asks with a flat tone.
Theo involuntarily perks up at the mention of his favorite time of the day. “Oh, it’s been great! Mrs. Reba has been pretty impressed with my memorization, and Julian is hilarious. He’s just so easy to talk to, and we have the same sense of humor.” Unknowingly, Theo smiles softly to himself while thinking of his very platonic lunch buddy.
Jessica sits up and leans in closer to him, and he turns in time for her to press herself against his chest. Her right hand trails down to touch his lower back while her left hand squeezes his inner thigh.
“Don’t you miss me during the day?” she whispers sweetly in his ear, making the hairs on the back of Theo’s neck stand up. It has been a very long time since Jess has been in a mood like this.
Theo remembers their last sensual interaction happening around last October, and he recalls feeling blood rush south as soon as she pulled her usual enticing moves. They broke up once or twice since then, so it has been a long while since he’s had any action. He thought if he was given the opportunity, he would be elated, just like any teenage boy would. But now, he sits in the booth at the back of the Olive Garden feeling nothing but discomfort.
Jessica has a flirtatious routine she follows. It isn’t like she’s doing something new that he had never experienced before. No, these are her usual signs that she wants something to happen. So why isn’t he as excited as her? Why does he feel like shuddering when he feels her hand move further up his leg?
“Uhm. I-uh. I- I don’t think we should… we shouldn’t uh, do this. Here. I mean, it’s Olive Garden,” he stutters, quickly moving to catch her wrist before her hand wanders any further.
Jess stares at him with a look of disbelief before pulling her hands away from him. She stands up from the booth’s bench. “I’m going to the bathroom,” she says over her shoulder as she pulls out her phone, typing furiously as she disappears from his sight.
Theo lets out a deep sigh. It didn’t take a genius to tell that Jess is definitely upset with him. Stacey the waitress comes back with their drinks, notices the absence of the flirty redhead, and quietly takes her leave to give them more time to decide on their order.
Why was he feeling like this? Was he just tired? Obviously not. Theo knows why the touch of his beautiful girlfriend simply doesn’t excite him anymore. He just can’t say out loud that the sweet, tan, assistant director he had known for a little more than a month had made his way into Theo’s heart.
It didn’t feel that simple, though. Theo remembers being over the moon when Jess first asked him out. And he felt the same way when she asked him out again, four more times after that. But as she kept coming back to him just to walk away after a month or two, his heart stopped fluttering when she walked in the room. His face stopped flushing when she held his hand. The butterflies in his stomach had simply flown away.
But now, there was someone new who caught his eye. Someone who made him laugh, and texted him first, and was willing to listen to his problems. Someone who was patient, and helpful, and talented in more ways than one. Someone who made him question the ways things were and made him want to challenge himself to be better. Someone he trusted. Someone who made the butterflies come home.
Theo knows that he’s still young, and he knows that nothing really means anything in high school. But with Julian, everything seems to make sense while still being in complete chaos. With him, it felt like standing in the eye of a hurricane. Maybe it doesn’t have to be black or white, straight or gay. All Theo knows is that Julian makes him feel something that he’s never felt before, and even though it scares the shit out of him, he doesn’t want to lose that feeling.
Theo’s phone buzzes in his pocket, forcing him back to reality. He fishes it out to see a message from Jess.
- Jessica <3- Something came up. Brandy from dance is coming to get me.
- Jessica <3- I got my bag out of your car already. You should roll up your windows.
Theo sighs deeply once again before beckoning Stacey the waitress over to apologize and get the check for his Diet Coke.
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