I am spent. Giddy exhaustion washes through my limbs, even though my heart still races. I am not certain where the covers have ended up, so I am simply lying naked upon my back on the bed, exposed to the Blessed Dark without care. The sheet feels refreshingly smooth beneath my skin. It is a cool contrast to Meshani's body heat as he dozes. He is draped half upon me with his face pressed into the crook of my neck, and I hold him posessively to my side with my arm. 

He breathes as hard as I do, and I feel his own heart hammering against my ribs. Exhalations puff warm against my skin, and he murmurs wordlessly every once and again. There is a sense of contentment about him that I gladly embrace as my own. 

At the moment, the darkness is muted in color and my senses are calm. Usually there is too much to take in. But the moments after release are one of the very few times when stimuli are not bombarding. For the moment, I am completely at ease.

Meshani stirs, and I feel a half hearted spike of arousal. I cannot help myself; even when I am utterly spent, he can still bring me awake with his touch. But he is not ready for more yet. Instead, he sighs, and I hear a deep contentment in his voice as he nestles in my embrace. 

Idly, I caress the arm he has draped across my chest. Meshani gives a faint hum, almost a purr, and I feel his muscles soften. 

"I have missed you," he murmurs into my neck drowsily. "I have missed this. You work too much."

I smile lazily up at the ceiling. "You are a blessing," I reply. I can hear a faint slurring in my voice, a result of the absolute contentment I feel. "I cannot express adequately how lucky I am that you tolerate me. In any language," I add, staving off the words I anticipate he will speak next. 

"Tolerate? Tarriq, you give yourself too little credit." He shifts a bit of weight off my leg, and I moan faintly at the stirring of my libido as his skin slides along mine. 

"Okay, perhaps a bit more than tolerate," I allow breathlessly. Meshani chuckles softly. I feel it more than hear it, so soft is the sound.

"How are you not exhausted?" Meshani asks. I can hear the smile in his voice, and I caress his arm again.

"I am," is my sleepy reply. "But some of me seems to have not gotten that memo."

Meshani gives another throaty chuckle. "Dark, but you are insatiable." I can only give a wordless sound of agreement and stroke my hand over his hip. We both know I only halfway mean it, but it is an invitation he may answer or not as he chooses. "Soon," he promises, and I feel a quiet thrill at that simple word.

"I am yours when you wish it," I respond, a faint growl of wanton lust coloring the words, and turn my face to brush a soft kiss across his forehead.

Meshani sighs, and I hear deep contentment in that quiet sound. "Four years." 

I feel a thrill at his words. "Yes. Four wonderful, amazing, blessed years."

"Do you remember, Tarriq, when we first met?"

I feel myself smiling. "Like it was yesterday," I affirm. "It was at a formal recognition event for IO. The council was trotting us all out for a public exhibition to show off those of us that keep this city functional. Merrick and I had to accept those blasted plaques."

Meshani chuckles at the scorn in my words. "Yes, but you looked so handsome in your formal wear."

"That was hardly formal attire," I snort. "Merrick at least looked the part in his tailored jacket and trousers. I had to purchase a whole new outfit that morning because everything I owned was threadbare and far too casual, and I felt like I was wearing a shapeless sack because there was no time to have it tailored properly.”

"That shirt matches your eyes with perfection." Meshani reaches up and he brushes against my eyelid with a feather light touch. I trap his hand to my cheek and lace my fingers into his. Part of me wants to nibble lightly at his wrist, but I refrain for now.

"You are the only one who would notice," I reply instead. "Everyone else would be too busy screaming at the lack of corneal white to notice they are violet."

Meshani chuckles. He squeezes my fingers briefly and I release his hand after brushing my lips across his wrist. I feel his breath catch faintly, but he merely rests his hand against my chest. 

"I was in the crowd," he continues at length. "At the front, in the VIP section. My sister wanted to be there to meet you, but she was sick that day. I think she had a quiet crush on you," he adds with a chuckle. 

"Oh, I remember seeing her disappointment when you introduced me to her and she figured out I had no interest in women." I realize I have failed entirely to keep the smug satisfaction out of my voice. "She definitely had a crush on me."

"I think she has finally forgiven me for taking you away from her." Meshani is smug as well, so I do not feel quite so bad about my response. 

It is my turn to chuckle now. "As if I were simply for anyone to take. As I recall, you had to pursue fairly aggressively to get me to pay attention."

"You ran as far as you could, as fast as you could," Meshani agrees mildly. "It is a good thing I am patient." His hand slides down to my hip, and I shudder against a wave of pleasure at his touch. But there is also a well of aching sadness that follows close on the heels of his words. It is hard for me to open up to anyone. So I forge ahead before I have a chance to consider otherwise.

"I was scared." My voice is soft, barely even a whisper. "I did not know how you would react to me. To who I am. To what I am. I could not have borne it if I was pushed away. If I had to see that fear from one I actually came to care for. I saw your fascination for me from the very first, as you stood there in the front row. I felt you watching. You attracted my attention as well. But I did not dare to hope it would be different this time."

I can feel that Meshani has come to a quiet sort of attention. His breathing is soft, as though he does not dare disturb this mood. I have not spoken before of this, and it is difficult to admit to him. I know he is waiting for me to continue, so I pause only long enough to settle myself.

"Always, I have been different. At 13, I passed every academic course and was granted my GED. I took over my sire's position in IO at 15, when he was killed, and I excelled at it. Work was the only place where I did not feel like a freak, but only because I had grown up assisting my sire from the time I could carry song. Everyone else pushed me away; my schoolmates, my instructors, even strangers at the market. I have had to wear my goggles since I was a few months of age, and they mark me to even a casual observer as different. As other."

I have to pause again, to swipe tears from the corners of my eyes and swallow back the old fears. Meshani takes the opportunity to roll onto his back and pull me close, switching our positions. I press against the length of him and twine my leg about his as he gathers me into his embrace.

"It is your difference that makes you so attractive to me, Tarriq," he murmurs into my hair as I rest my bowed head on his shoulder. 

"You are the only one who has ever thought so."

He brushes a gentle hand across my face, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear and smoothing my wild mane back from my temple. "You are beautiful, wild, and magnificent, my heart. Darkness take me, but you make my pulse race with the sight of you."

I chuckle weakly. "My swearing has worn off on you," I note absently, feeling suddenly awkward in the face of his impassioned compliments.

"More than just your swearing, my heart." 

I choke up, then, hearing the profound love in his voice. He holds me as I begin to weep softly. I let the tears come, letting them fall onto his chest, and he rides that wave of unexpected emotion. It is nothing new, and yet he is never surprised when my unstable shifts of mood ricochet wildly.

"Blessed Dark, but I love you." I manage the words at length, between sniffles. "I once thought I would never have someone. Now, I only regret that I did not stop running sooner."

"You had to come to the truth for yourself," Meshani replies softly. "I wondered upon occasion if I could ever succeed. If you would ever let me in. I knew it might take some time. But I did not understand the depths of your pain until now."

"No one has listened until you. I learned to hide it. To shut it away behind walls and defenses to keep me safe. If I showed it, I would be mocked. So I kept myself separate, except for the occasional incident. I was a small child when my matron died, and my sire was always busy. Gram tried to help, but she did not understand me either. Denzai are not naturally aggressive like humans, and she did not fully understand the cruelty of human children. Grandy was still working until his accident when I was 11, and by then, I was assisting with repairs in IO." It feels good to let everything out. I cling to Meshani like a drowning man to a lifeline as the words pour from me. 

For his part, Meshani listens without comment or judgement. He holds me close, his arms strong and comforting. I shiver once with emotion. Meshani simply murmurs softly and brushes my hair back away from my forehead.

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me," I sigh at length, turning my face up toward his. I cup his cheek in my hand and draw his mouth toward mine, asking, never pushing or insisting. He agrees without words and I draw him into a slow, impassioned kiss. 

Meshani is slow to rouse; not hesitant, but fatigued still. I can feel my own heat rise once more, but I take control of it. Somehow. Usually, Meshani is the one with enough presence of mind to rein in my impulses. But this time, for him, I slow down and let myself feel enjoyment at the building burn in my belly. 

This time, I modulate the passion of our kiss. I quest ever so gently, teasing, and nip at his lower lip as I pull back. There is a quiver to his breath, and I smile to myself as I settle against his side once more. Meshani seeks out my hand with his and twines his fingers into mine. “Insatiable,” he murmurs faintly, and I can only chuckle deep in my throat.

I turn the conversation back to our previous topic somewhat. “I may not have ever stopped running if it had not been for the transformer explosion. Do you remember?”

“You were always so careful before that to never let me see anything you did not wish me to see. I remember you would share a meal with me, or spend some time in my company, but you never stayed long. You kept me at arm’s length, even when we embraced. I think that was only the third time I had walked with you to your work. It was at least a year after we had our first dinner. I thought perhaps you were shy to have it be known you were interested in someone.” There is an undercurrent of humor as Meshani speaks, and I understand that he is seeing my actions in a new light. “And then the grid blew. Everything happened so fast. I was amazed that you put yourself in danger to protect me, and that was when I understood that everything you did was to protect me. All of the distance, all the half hearted explanations, the furtive kisses and brief hugs. You did not wish to hurt me or frighten me.”

“Part of it, certainly,” I affirm. “But I also did not want to be hurt again. I was protecting you, but I was also protecting myself. It would have broken me if you had run screaming from me. But that…”

“...did not happen.” We both speak the words together, and I realize we have locked gazes. Where my words are full of wonder, his are full of quiet defiance. He slips his hand free of mine to run his fingers through my hair.