Chapter 2 

After a moment of contact, Percy goes to step backwards but there’s no way I’m going back to the pain of the bond after having it subside, so I don’t let him move away. Instead, I stand up on my tiptoes and press my lips to his.

Percy instantly kisses me back before he pushes me away. “Hang on, I want answers,” he says, placing his hand on my chest to keep me at arm’s length away from him. I step back, shrugging.

“What’s there to answer? We’re mates, we’ve already done the deed and we’re finally back together again. After you vanished on me,” I say a little saltily. I can’t help it, I used to think a lot about how great things could’ve been if he hadn’t vanished, if we’d been able to stay together.

Percy scoffs, crossing his arms. “That’s rich coming from you; you literally fucked me and then left while I was asleep.”

I open and close my mouth, impersonating a dying goldfish rather effectively. The thing is, Percy isn’t wrong. That’s exactly what I did. But I did plan on coming back, and I did do that too.

Clearing my throat, I mirror Percy’s body language. “So what? I’m an alpha, I had to check on my pack. I shouldn’t have even been out at that point. And then when I came back later that day, you were already gone. You’re not any better than me.”

Percy glowers at me, taking a step towards me and placing his fingers on my chin, tilting my head up to look at him. “Well guess what sunshine; I was an alpha too, and because of you-“ Percy abruptly looks away from me before stepping back, his hand dropping from my chin. 

I swallow a little thickly; I can totally see how this guy would be an alpha now, but back then? He was so…wimpy-seeming. 

“The point is,” he continues, finally meeting my eye again. “I’ve been through hell with this damn bond because although I was busy waiting for the day I’d meet my mate again, it seems that you didn’t give a shit about me and only cared about yourself.”

Oh fuck. Percy’s words strike a chord within me, hitting on one of my biggest insecurities: my selfish, self-centred nature. And the problem with Percy’s words is that he’s right once again, and that makes me so fucking pissed off. 

“So what?! I was just supposed to wait for you to waltz into my life again?! Like hell I was going to do that! You’re just naïve for thinking that we would ever mean anything to each other; you’re just a random wolf that I don’t give a single shit about!” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I instantly regret them. Not only did I shout at my mate, I said…awful things to him.

Percy just stares at the floor, fiddling with one of his braids before sighing. When he finally looks up, he doesn’t meet my eye, but I can already tell - I made him cry. For fucks sake, Emmi. God, I really just hurt the people around me and that’s all I’ll ever do.

“Well, if that’s how you feel then I’ll get out of your life again,” Percy says quietly before turning around and walking back through the door we left through. I let out a groan, covering my eyes with my hands and leaning my head back against the wall. 

I don’t have anything against Percy; I’m sure he’s a lovely guy. I just…I’m not made for emotional relationships; it’s not that I don’t want an emotional connection with Percy - I do, I just- I can’t. Not without hurting him and probably myself too in the process.

That’s why things worked with Keye; she doesn’t care about the emotional side of things and I don’t feel like I have to have an emotional connection with her. But with Percy, my mate…there’s no way things wouldn’t be emotional.

And I just don’t know how to do emotional relationships.

—————

-Percy-

I wipe my eyes; there’s no point being sad about this. I should’ve known that he didn’t care about me, he wouldn’t have left me like that if he did. But I still hoped…the thought of my mate kept me going through so much of the pain of these last four years.

To begin with, I resented him. For leaving me, yes obviously, but also for…distracting me. If I hadn’t met him that night, I would’ve gone back to the pack sooner. I could’ve helped them. But instead…

By the time I got back, they were all dead.

We were a small pack to begin with; only around 50 wolves. We were close; a true family. But we weren’t fighters. And we had land that the rogues wanted access to. So they attacked, and just…killed everyone.

It’s most likely that I would have died if I hadn’t met my mate that night. But I would’ve died alongside my pack; a worthy death for their failure of an alpha.

Instead, I got ‘taken in’ by the rogues’ alpha. He didn’t like me very much- or no, I think he liked me a little too much. He found it hilarious that I had survived and that I so badly wanted death. So, he kept me alive. He taught me to be a rogue, taught me to fight.

And then he had me fight him.

I got absolutely annihilated.

And he found that hilarious.

After that, he didn’t find me as amusing. He had no use for someone disabled in his pack, so I was…cast out. I was finally free again, but at this point I’d spent two years with a pack. So then I was on my own again. 

But at least this time, I was strong. Well. With the caveat that I was still figuring out how to walk again after not being able to for…quite some time.

So, I survived. And I kept just thinking that I had to find my mate. I wanted him to apologise. And I wanted to thank him. Because if I hadn’t met him that night…I would’ve died alongside my pack, and I never would’ve had a chance to avenge my pack.

Which I fully intend to do, but not right now. I’ll kill that alpha, but first…I need to sort out my own life. If I kill him like this, I’ll just become consumed with hate and sadness. I’ll no longer have a purpose, and I’ll be left with nothing.

So first, I wanted to find my mate.

And I found him.

But he doesn’t want me.