Nineteen: Regret

*Thanks to nickyfury5150 and Dewdrops&Honeysuckle for your support!!*

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Damon had to change professions. Being the pack accountant was a no go. Because he must be really bad at math.

If Jun was telling the truth right now, and also wasn’t just mumbling deliriously from the heat, then something just wasn’t adding up.

Jun joined the pack six years ago, according to what Damon has heard from Mark and others. Jun has had approximately six or seven heats depending on the time of year he joined.

Damon came back from college just this year. After the end of last year’s Season. Damon did not know Jun in the two years before he left for college.

Ergo…Jun shouldn’t have known Damon existed, and thus, would not have ‘thought’ about Damon during any of his heats. Not unless Jun met him somehow in the two years they shared pack territory, and became attracted to Damon then.

That didn’t seem likely. Damon would have noticed. Right? Damon so seldom received positive attention from others that he was usually quite aware when an alpha was just looking at him – let alone noticing him so much that he became a star in their wet dreams. And Jun was definitely a starer.

Damon was about twenty, then, when Jun joined. Jun is two years younger than Damon, so he would have been eighteen. Someone like Jun, who had professed to never have been very interested in having a relationship, would be unlikely to have noticed and fixated on a relatively unremarkable omega such as Damon, especially at such a young age. Besides that, Damon had dated Malachi during one of those two years. And Jun had never been the type to pursue or fantasize about someone who was unavailable.

While Damon’s brain continued short-circuiting, Jun was getting antsy. His mouth was now affixed to Damon’s collarbone, sucking marks into the skin. His hands had wandered to the backs of Damon’s thighs, pushing and pushing, trying to get enough leverage to enter Damon.

Okay. There wasn’t anything to really think about, was there? Jun’s sole focus right now was to breed Damon – of course he wouldn’t really be able to answer the question seriously. He was thinking about Damon right now, so he said so. That was all.

Something about that didn’t sit right. But Damon had more pressing things to worry about.

Like where the fuck Mark was. Did he realize how hard it was to distract a horny alpha? Damon’s ass was in serious danger here!

After Jun’s answer, Damon was kind of stumped as to what to ask next. Ask what they did when Jun thought about Damon?

…Damon could guess. And asking Jun to elaborate on that would not do anything to quell his lust.

A particularly hard nip at the base of Damon’s throat brought him back to the present situation. He gasped slightly – which was really a big mistake. Jun began to purr at the sound, taking it as a positive signal. As cute as that would be in any other circumstances, Damon couldn’t afford to give Jun an inch. Because he would take a mile right now.

“Jun,” he tried again, sterner, and Jun whined – loudly – in protest. Because Damon was interrupting him and there was no version of Jun, heat-crazed or otherwise, that wouldn’t listen when Damon was talking to him. Though it clearly took a lot out of him, Jun paused briefly, and lifted his head to show he was listening dutifully.

Damon opened his mouth – about to ask another nonsense question – but his eyes widened, spotting Mark, standing over Jun’s shoulder, poised with a syringe, about to plunge it into Jun’s derrière. Somehow, Mark had moved so quietly Damon didn’t notice him, and had managed to circle around Jun to catch him by surprise.

But Damon ruined it. With Jun looking at him intently, he of course noticed Damon’s widening eyes, and accurately guessed that he was about to be ambushed. Though Jun was clearly aggrieved at having to leave Damon’s body for even a moment, he rolled to the side and Mark’s plunging hand hit only empty air. He stumbled, apparently having prepared to stab Jun so hard he wouldn’t be able to feel his ass for weeks, but quickly righted himself.

Damon couldn’t make another mistake. So the minute he was free of Jun, he rolled in the opposite direction and sprang to his feet. Then the three of them were standing in a triangle formation, looking at each other. Seeing that Mark had stopped going after him, one-track mind Jun made to go after Damon again.

But this time, Damon flinched back, taking several steps away, and Jun, surprisingly, froze.

Damon froze as well, confused. He watched as Jun’s expression went rapidly from agitated and horny, to purely struck, like he had just slapped his own mother.

It was the look of someone who had just realized they were doing something wrong. It was the look of a sweet alpha who didn’t know that cupcakes only get candles on birthdays.

Before either Damon or Mark could react, Jun promptly dropped to the ground, knees drawn to his chest, fingers gripping his calves. He lowered his head to his knees. Mark and Damon shared confused looks, but Damon felt something weird swirl in his stomach – a sudden need to go over and comfort Jun, because someone that good should never have to feel upset at themselves.

“Damon,” Jun suddenly said – voice clearer than before – “you should go.”

Damon knew he should. He should really leave while Jun had control of himself. But something stubborn settled into Damon’s bones and he didn’t move. He opened his mouth to protest, only to find Mark in front of him now, pushing him back towards where they’d left their clothes. At least one of them had a sensible bone in their body.

“He’s right,” Mark said. “I’ll take care of him.”

Something in Damon still insisted that Damon couldn’t leave. It was the omega in him, his distress mirroring Jun’s. “But, I – ”

Damon cut off, catching sight of Jun’s hands. His fingers were clenched so tightly on his calves – he was drawing blood. Ruby red streams dripping to the earth.

Damon left.

Once he was back to where he’d left his clothes, he was clear-headed enough to realize that though Jun had seemed incredibly lucid and well-controlled back there, he was still in that heat haze. He had not had enough time to go from heat, to that hours to days long period of clarity that came eventually throughout a heat. That usually took at least a full day or two or longer for every alpha. There was no record of an alpha being in heat for twenty minutes, and then miraculously surfacing into sanity.

Jun had fought his own basic biology – an impossible feat for any other alpha – because he thought he had scared Damon.

Damon swallowed hard as he dressed and booked it back to his house, hand clenched tight on his phone. He knew that the minute Mark had Jun settled, he would text Damon with updates. If Damon checked his phone compulsively every other second, that was his secret to keep.

It wasn’t until Damon had sunk onto his couch, covered in dirt, grimy from rolling around on the forest floor, yet unwilling to shower until he knew Jun was okay, that the reality of it all settled in. He’d known what this would mean. He knew from the moment he started stocking up everything possible in his house to hide away and avoid Jun and his heat pheromones for the duration of the Season. He couldn’t see Jun anymore. Not unless Jun came to him in a lucid moment. They were in a courtship, yes, but not in a physical relationship. Well, not physical in any way that would count to the pack doctor. If an alpha wanted to spend their heat with an omega, they needed to essentially reserve that omega, which meant making an appointment with the pack doctor in which both the alpha and omega would sign a document agreeing to the arrangement.

This was a necessary formality for a few reasons. In the case of accidental pregnancy, for example, the omega would be with only the one alpha, and thus paternity was guaranteed.  It was also so that someone would know for sure that that omega was helping an alpha. The pack doctor would send out betas for all the reserved omegas to periodically check in on them and make sure they were okay. An alpha in heat wasn’t really capable of properly taking care of their omega, so they wanted to avoid any potential health problems or exhausted omegas. They especially wanted to avoid situations where the omega changed their mind at some point during the heat, but wasn’t able to safely escape their alpha.

But Damon had never even discussed that with Jun. They hadn’t gotten to a point in their relationship where Damon was comfortable being that intimate with Jun – or comfortable just discussing that type of intimacy.

So Jun was essentially on his own for the next month and a half. Not only did that take away from Jun’s rightful courting time, it was also going to be an incredibly hard heat for him, knowing that he had a special omega and yet couldn’t be with them.

Damon’s throat felt tight. He snatched up his phone for the millionth time, and sent a quick text to Mark, asking if he would be one of the betas responsible for checking up on Jun throughout his heat. At least that way, Damon would be sure Jun was being taken care of, and he would be sure to receive thorough updates.

Damon scrubbed his hands over his face, took a deep breath, and decided that sitting around and neurotically checking for messages was only going to stress him out more. He would shower, watch some tv, and make dinner and not worry about Jun. He would not think about Jun hurting himself. Or about Jun hurting others and making that awful, struck expression again –

Yeah. Not happening. Damon laughed at himself, just a touch of something unhinged in it. And when he lifted his eyes again, he caught a glimpse of the invitation from the Reynes that he’d left on the coffee table. Well, at least one of Damon’s problems was solved. Now he can’t take Jun to the gala.

Damon did eventually do all the things he told himself he would do. But it wasn’t until almost midnight that he made himself dinner, ate, and forced himself into bed for a fitful sleep.

And then, once he started to drift off, his phone, which he’d left on his pillow so it would wake him up if he got a call, rang. Damon shot up in bed, answering it without looking at the caller ID.

It was Mark. As relieved as Damon was to finally hear some news, the fact that Mark was calling, and the fact that it was the middle of the night, made for a horrible combination. Damon could only think that something absolutely horrible had happened.

“Damon,” Mark greeted, voice tired, but still notably flustered. “Sorry to wake you. Um. If you were sleeping. I don’t know. But – Jun has been calling for you. He’s refusing to rest or stay in his house until he sees you and apologizes. He insists that he’s in control, but if you don’t want to – ”

“No,” Damon interrupted, fully awake now. “I’ll go. Tell him I’ll be there.”