I lean my head against Aiden’s shoulder, watching the slow movements of his fireflies, the shimmering light they give off. The richness of their evanescent glow.

We’re sitting together on the stone edge of the deep blue cave pool. We’ve both got our jeans rolled up to our knees, our legs in the water. I’m pretty sure we should be freezing, but Aiden must be keeping us warm, because the ocean feels almost tropical in temperature.

I breathe out a happy sigh, slide my hand up Aiden’s back, and play gently with his glossy chestnut hair. I remember how it looked in the summer, when he first came back to Ketterbridge. The way the sun lightened it, threaded it through with a deep shade of golden brown.

Aiden closes his eyes, smiling at the movements of my fingers.

Before he closed them, I could see some complex thoughts shifting around in there. I’m curious about what’s going on in his head, so I nuzzle my nose into his neck. First gently - and his little smile widens - then harder, then hard enough that he laughs and pulls away.

“Keane.”

"Sorry, just trying to get your attention."

"Well, you've definitely got it now."

“Cool, because I'd like to know what you’re thinking, please.”

Aiden nibbles his lip, looking for the right words. I wait for his answer, my cheek against his shoulder.

“Did you mean what you said?” he asks softly. “About - the light making things beautiful?”

I did, and he knows that I can’t lie, but - part of caring for my Companion Plant is a little reassurance here and there.

“I said that your light makes everything beautiful, actually.” I lift my head, so I can meet his gaze with mine. “And yes, I meant it.”

The corners of Aiden’s eyes crinkle up with his smile.

“Good,” he says, more to himself than to me. “That should help balance things out a little.”

I stare at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Just…” Aiden fades off, winces at me. “Just that, um…”

“Hey.” I give his hand a gentle squeeze. “Take your time.”

Aiden casts me a grateful look, then falls into the silence he needs to construct what he wants to say.

I watch him affectionately, thinking of someone slowly creating a painting or a poem, one brushstroke, one word at a time. He’s so still, so silent, but he’s hard at work, carefully synthesizing something that might fall apart and be lost on its way to me. All this, so that I won’t misunderstand him.

I know Aiden worries that I get tired of waiting for him to speak, but I actually think it’s sweet that he puts in this much effort to avoid accidentally saying something thoughtless to me. He’s slow to speak with everyone, but most of all with me.

I don’t want Aiden to feel pressured to speed up, so I turn my eyes away from him, let them travel over the cavern.

Sleet is still shivering down beyond the cave entrance, and the rain-tossed waters outside are stormy. But inside of the cave, the water is moved only by ripples. The breeze is gentle and calm.

Aiden’s fireflies float overhead, giving the cave a lulling cadence. Halos of golden light shine out from their tiny, brilliant bodies. Refracting off of the azure water, off of every natural surface that forms this secret place.

It all looks like a dream, materialized.

Time passes. The water rocks in slow movements around our legs.

Aiden takes my jaw in his hand, turns my face towards his again. I had gone deeply into a place of peace within myself - something about this atmosphere transported me there - and I blink in surprise at his touch.

I look into his sweet, sensitive blue eyes, and see my dreams materialized there, too.

“I wanted to break it to you gently. This.” Aiden points up at the Heliomancer lights above us. “And what it - what it comes with. What I come with."

He stops, takes a breath before he goes on.

"I didn’t want to scare you. I actually wanted to keep you out of the rescues completely. Out of all the rough parts of what I go through, as a Guardian. The nightmares, all that shit... But then I got to know you, Jamie, and I realized that if you knew I was suffering or struggling, there was no way I could ever get you to just - close your eyes to it.”

Aiden swallows hard. He runs a hand over his beard, then adds: “Bringing you into this life, it - felt a lot like giving you nothing, and then asking you for everything.”

I have about a million protests I want to lay out in response to this. Aiden keeps going before I can say a word.

“I thought it would help if I could show you something good about it, first. So that I didn’t scare you off the minute you understood what was different about me. I - I wanted to give you something made of magic. Something beautiful about being a Guardian, since the rest of it is all so fucking ugly. Thought I could introduce you to it in a nice way, at the very least.”

My heart is swimming with a lot of different emotions right now, but I’m a little lost, because -

“Um - Aiden, my first introduction to it was when we saved Gabby.”

“Yeah, I know. Believe me, I know.” Aiden cringes with his whole face, rubs his temples with his fingertips. “But I tried to tell you before that. I tried a few times, actually. I made you flowers.”

“What do you mean, you made-?”

“I was gonna give you one, but I was being a coward about it. Things were going so well between us, way better than I had ever... Just - doing anything to jeopardize our friendship felt like being reckless with the most important thing I had in my life.”

Aiden tries to take a breath, but he starts speaking again instead. Faster and faster, frustration running through every word.

“I knew I couldn’t sustain it forever, keeping this shit a secret, but I just kept putting it off, and then..." He makes a painted little sound. "You have no idea how fucking shattered I was, that that was your first experience.”

Out of breath - not used to talking this much - Aiden falls sharply silent. He stares down into the ocean, avoiding my eyes.

“Can’t believe you stuck around, after that,” he adds, much more quietly.

I don’t answer him right away. I’m trying to process everything.

My mind goes back to the night we rescued Gabby from her sinking car.

Yes, the whole thing was a confusing, terrifying mess. It started with Aiden having a panic attack on my living room floor, and ended with us crawling out of a stormy river with an unconscious stranger.

And yet. When I look back on it now, my mind doesn’t go to the scary moments. It goes to other, brighter ones, like when I saw icy blue magic pulse through Aiden’s eyes for the first time.

Most of all, I think of how Aiden hugged me after we realized we’d pulled off a successful rescue. How he put his forehead to mine and laughed like I had never heard him laugh before.

That laugh was so free and uncontrolled and wild. Like it came right from his heart, made no stops along the way. There was a split second, a slice of space and time where he forgot about everything else, was unburdened, liberated, was just - happy. Just himself.

And the first thing he did when he felt like that was throw himself into my arms, so that his laughter broke against my neck.

In spite of everything that had just happened, I almost kissed him, right then and there.

And that night didn't end at the river. I also think of what happened after we made our save, when we went back to Aiden’s place to shower and crash from the adrenaline high.

Aiden pushed me into his bed. It was the first time we ever slept in a bed together. The first time I realized that I really like doing that with him. Even after the night we'd had, my mind was focused on the warmth of him, his sleepy voice, the thrill of knowing that he wanted me to stay.

Aiden steals a glance at me, then does a double-take when he sees that I’m smiling to myself. The dejected look in his eyes turns to pure confusion.

“What the fuck, Jamie?” he says, around a startled little laugh.

“I'm sorry!” I clasp my hands over my mouth, trying to hide my smile. “I was just thinking about that night. When we rescued Gabby.”

“And so this is the look on your face?”

“Yes, because I’m thinking about the good parts.”

Aiden stares at me with wide, incredulous eyes, apparently completely thrown off. “The good parts?”

“Yeah, don’t you - don’t you remember that hug you gave me, after we saved her?”

Aiden instantly falls silent. His cheeks color up, and he rubs his elbow.

“I thought you probably didn’t remember that, just with everything that was going on. It was only for a few seconds.”

“Um…” I laugh quietly, my cheeks flaming up, too. “No, I definitely remember.”

We stare at each other in silence for a second, then both laugh quietly. I lean into Aiden, and when he wraps an arm around me, I press a little kiss into the tender spot just below his jaw.

“I still don’t get it, sometimes,” he murmurs. “That you want to be with me, knowing what I am. Like - I’m trapped in this, but you don’t have to be.”

I sink deep into thought, contemplating all the pain that being a Guardian has brought Aiden. It regularly drags him out of his own life, brings him face to face with suffering, catastrophe, and loss. It torments him with nightmares, with noise. It cost him much more than that, too. His mom. His dad, in a way. The list goes on and on.

It’s no wonder the only beautiful parts Aiden sees in it have to shine this brightly, in order to catch his eye.

But I haven’t had the same relationship with this that Aiden has. I see other things.

“Aiden, listen… I know how much you’ve had to sacrifice because you're a Guardian. How hard it’s been on you. But you’ve carried this your whole life, and I haven’t. So... maybe it’s not my place to say this.”

“No - please.” Aiden looks at me with very serious, nervous blue eyes. “Say it.”

I bite my lip, struggling for the right words.

“I’m sorry that you didn't get to bring me into your realm the way you wanted to. But this-“ I gesture up at the fireflies sparkling against the damp walls of the cavern. “This isn't the only thing that’s beautiful about it.”

I take Aiden's hand, hold it tightly.

“Because of you, someone makes it through,” I tell him. “That’s what I saw, the first time I got to see you as a Guardian. And that's beautiful, too, isn't it?”

For a long moment, Aiden stares at me, perfectly still and silent - and then his expression seems to collapse, unravel. He turns away immediately, hiding his face from me.

But even from this angle, I can see the soft lines at the corners of his eyes, see that they’ve grown deeper. It means that he’s smiling really hard.

It makes me smile really hard, and suddenly I'm determined to make them even deeper. Good thing I have an arsenal of truths to do that with.

“I wish I could have seen the flowers, by the way. Although - you realize how much gorgeous stuff you’ve made since then, without even trying? I’ll never forget what my bedroom looked like when I told you that I love you. I mean, holy shit. And that’s one example of like, five million.”

“Okay,” Aiden stammers, his deep voice wavering. “Listen, I can’t - can’t handle you, man-”

“Honestly, Aiden,” I forge on. “I know you worry that this stuff is gonna come between us, but it didn’t then, and it won’t now. The way I feel about you… it’s above that. It’s above everything, it-”

I break off as Aiden suddenly turns, takes my face in both hands, and kisses me.

I don’t need the connection open to feel it. The absolute avalanche of love I’ve just been swept up in.

My mind goes completely blank, my heart soars into my throat, and I grab two handfuls of Aiden's sweater without registering what I’m doing. A tiny, stuttering little noise escapes my mouth. My nose and cheeks burn so volcanically hot that I’m sure all of my freckles have disappeared into the crimson color.

For a heartstopping moment, all the love between us exists within this kiss, and I feel set afloat by it, drifting like a firefly…

Aiden slowly breaks our mouths apart, but keeps his forehead pressed to mine.

We both need some time to get our breaths back. I don’t move away from him, and he doesn’t move away from me.

“I had no idea, by the way,” I tell Aiden, after a long stretch of speechless silence. “That you were so crushed I found out about your magic through a rescue. I mean - you seemed okay when we got back to Kent’s house, afterwards. As I recall, you called me a twerp when I stole your pillow.”

Aiden bites down on his smile, doesn’t answer.

“And the next day, at Mugshot,” I continue, “When you had to explain what happened, you actually seemed alright then, too. Like - nervous, but mostly calm.”

I blink in surprise as Aiden huffs out a soft, helpless laugh.

“I’ve had a lot of practice pretending to be calm around you, Keane,” he answers, and gently ruffles my hair.

~~~~

In the skillful fingers of the archivist, each discovery we made in the cave is wrapped up and tucked away into Aiden’s jacket. Then his hand folds around mine, and we step out onto the water.

I look back at the cave before we go. I know that I’d be terrified of this place if I came here by normal circumstances. The yawning darkness, the cold, the secrets it was keeping. But in Aiden’s golden light, it becomes peaceful, mysterious, beautiful. I’m almost sad to leave it behind.

I take another second to admire Aiden’s fireflies. How pretty they are, especially here. They’re so familiar to me by now, but I still get that sense of pure, childlike wonder when I see them shine.

We step out into the night, where the ocean is rougher and darker than it was before. The sleet is starting to come down in sheets, the waves white-capped and tumultuous.

I expect Aiden to get nervous, but he leads us out into the stormy night with surprising sure-footedness.

We move together along the rocky coastline. The boughs of the pine forest above us dance in the intense, blustering wind. I can tell that it’s brutally cold, but it doesn’t touch us. In fact, I’m experiencing the same kind of toasty warmth you get from sitting beside a campfire.

It’s too loud to talk, so I switch to my inside voice.

Aiden. One more question for you.

Okay?

If you didn’t want me to find out about your magic in a scary way, then… why did you turn to me for help? When you were terrified, yourself? I’m glad that you did, I’m just wondering.

Aiden shrugs his broad shoulders, smooths his thumb up the side of my palm.

Because that’s what I always do, he answers. It’s just that this time, you were - there.

I can’t begin to fathom what this means, and I’m about to ask him, but a boom of thunder snaps my attention up to the sky.

Aiden and I both stare up at the angry clouds overhead. I catch his eye, but he seems okay. He keeps up his confident pace on the water, not too fast, not too slow.

I realize suddenly that the fireflies have followed us out of the cave. They're glowing all around us, lighting our path.

The storm roars around us, and the sleet pours down. But I’m not cold, wet, or afraid. Even knowing that I have no control over this. That Aiden is the one who makes us walk on water, not me.

It doesn’t matter.

Sheltered beneath the wings of Aiden’s warmth, I follow after him, with no fear of falling through.