Kim Hajun

“That’s it for today. Start your cleaning duties,” Ms. Kim said on her way out of the classroom. She hadn’t spoken to me once today. What a relief…

I was in the clear, and it wasn’t my turn to have cleaning duties this week. Finally, there was nothing stopping me from going up to meet Jisu Seonbae now.

“Hajun, wait up!” Hyunwoo called. “What are you in such a hurry for?”

Rushing toward the door, I said, “Leave without me. I have to talk to the student council president.”

“Again? Aw, you really have it rough, man!”

I felt bad that I couldn’t hang out with Hyunwoo and the other guys after school for the second day in a row. But after today, things would be back to normal. Well, besides the fact that I would try extra hard not to be late anymore. No more trouble for me. And once I apologized, there would be no more reason for me to meet Jisu Seonbae anymore.

Right…?

A thought hit me the moment I arrived in front of the student council room. I stood frozen. How could I have forgotten about that part?!

Kissing aside, Jisu Seonbae still told me he liked me yesterday. He confessed his feelings to me, and I had yet to give him a reply. I just assumed it was already an automatic no. However, I did kiss him, which wasn’t the typical thing a person did when they rejected someone.

I had my apology more or less ready, but I never even considered preparing a rejection. How did one even reject a seonbae politely? It felt like no matter what I would say, he’d be angry. I already knew Jisu Seonbae could be scary, so I did not want to find out how much more he’d be when angered. Just imagining it gave me chills.

I wanted to turn back and gain an extra day to think things through. At the same time, Jisu Seonbae was waiting for me in there. If I didn’t show up, he’d only get angrier at me.

What the hell was I supposed to do?!

The door opened, and Jiwoo Seonbae walked out. I knew what she looked like from the pictures Hyunwoo had shown me. She was also a part of the student council, which was probably the biggest reason Hyunwoo immediately signed up to join back in March in the first place.

“Uh, hello, Jiwoo Seonbae,” I said nervously.

“Hi there.” She tucked a strand of long hair behind her ear. With a kind smile, she asked, “Do you need something?”

“He’s here to see me,” Jisu Seonbae said from inside the room. He was seated at the end of the conference table like yesterday.

Jiwoo Seonbae’s smile immediately dropped as she turned to look at him. She blinked slowly a few times as if she needed some time to process the situation. She then turned back to me, no longer looking so inviting. “Hm, alright, then. I’m off, Jisu.”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow. You may come in, Hajun.”

He was looking straight at me. Running away was no longer an option…

“Hello,” I said, cautiously entering the room.

I shut the door behind me, and we were alone together. It seemed like a repeat of yesterday. I was completely unprepared like then, too. If I had to find a positive in this, at least Jisu Seonbae didn’t look as serious today as he had yesterday.

“Please ignore Jiwoo. She’s always like that,” he said, before quietly adding, “around cute guys.”

Cute—

“What?” I blurted out, my head shooting up to look at him.

His eyes widened as they met mine. But right away, his gaze shifted to the side, up, and down—basically everywhere except at me. Seeing him unable to focus on anything made him look almost as nervous as I was.

Apologetically, he said, “I was talking about Jiwoo.”

“Oh. Yes. Right. Of course.” Gosh, I sounded so fucking awkward!

“Yeah… So, you wanted to talk to me?”

I stood a bit taller with a deep breath. Ready or not, I had to get this over with. “Yes, it’s about yesterday.”

“I figured.” He took quite a huge deep breath as well. “I actually… have something to tell you, too.”

The room was completely silent, neither of us taking the lead in the conversation. Jisu Seonbae could’ve just been waiting for me to speak first. In that case…

“I’m sorry—”

“—Give me a second chance.”

We spoke at the same time and paused equally in sync. However, this time, I didn’t wait as long in the silence.

“What?” I asked, unsure if I had heard him correctly.

Jisu Seonbae got up from his seat to be at the same eye level as me. There was no hiding his true feelings now. He looked terrified.

Even so, he spoke, “You were brave enough to kiss me even though I was the one to confess to you yesterday. But then, I just dismissed you because…” His voice was shaking like he was on the verge of tears. “Because…”

“You were scared,” I finished.

He nodded. Had I been in his shoes, I would’ve felt the same. He was giving me more credit than I deserved. He was much braver than me to even be able to make that confession in the first place. To deviate from what we all considered the norm…

I now understood why I had kissed him. It wasn’t simply an act on impulse, and it certainly wasn’t out of pity. He inspired me, and that naturally made me follow in his footsteps. I wanted to be brave, too.

Jisu Seonbae cleared his throat to bring some stability back to his voice. “I’d… like for this to work. Only if you’re completely okay with it, of course.”

“I’m okay with it.” My response came out with so little thought needed that it surprised me.

And like that, I found myself following his lead again. This simply felt right, just as it had yesterday.

Jisu Seonbae let out a sigh of relief. “Then, let me try this again…”

“Sure.” I began holding my breath with anticipation for his next words.

“I like you, Hajun… Would you go out with me?”

To deviate from what we all considered the norm…

The sole reason I wanted to turn him down before was that Jisu Seonbae was a boy. I only got confessions from girls. This wasn’t what normally happened. That was really the only reason.

“It’s gross, isn’t it?” He told me that with so much shame. But someone as brave as him shouldn’t ever have to feel that way. I could make that happen. I could take the chance. It wasn’t something that was gross, after all.

Jisu Seonbae was waiting, and I had my reply now. It was one I didn’t feel shameful about at all.

“Yes, seonbae, I will go out with you.”

. . .

Han Jisu

He said yes…!

Wait, how was I supposed to respond now?

I settled on a short, “Okay.” But even that much made my heart feel like it was about to leap out of my chest. It wouldn’t surprise me if I passed out at any moment.

Hajun chuckled.

“W-What—” My voice cracked.

Hajun chuckled again. “To be honest, I thought you were pretty scary at first.”

“I… do hear that sometimes…” It was mostly from the other student council members, minus Jiwoo.

“But you’re not.”

I sighed with relief. Hajun was now the last person I wanted to feel scared of me. “I’m glad—”

“You’re actually pretty cute.”

“What?”

Instead of addressing the absolute nonsense he just spewed out, Hajun turned around and took a step toward the door.

“Where are you going?” I blurted out, sounding a little too desperate.

He looked at me with a smirk. I could’ve sworn he was quite nervous himself just a minute ago. Was this what Hajun truly was like?

I’d be lying if I said his face wasn’t what got me initially interested in him. Humans were visual creatures, after all. But I wasn’t sure how to react to that very face grinning widely at me like I was some small kid. I was older than him, and we were about the same height.

“I just felt like I was taking too much of the student council president’s precious time this afternoon,” he said, nodding toward the pile of documents at my seat. I would’ve told him they weren’t anything urgent if only he hadn’t added, “I should head home now anyway.”

“Oh, right. You should go home if you’re not staying for yaja.”

(*Yaja: the time after school when students can remain in their classrooms to study; at the time of this story (2014), yaja usually lasted until 10 p.m.)

“Are you?” he asked.

“Yeah, until ten.” Talking about yaja reminded me that we were still at school and probably should stop our conversation here, especially before Hajun said anything more ridiculous.

“Jisu Seonbae.”

“Yeah?”

“You should call me once you’re done with yaja.”

“Are you sure? It’ll be pretty late.”

“It doesn’t matter.” His smile this time wasn’t teasing but rather sweet. “Call me as late as you want. I’ll be waiting.”

. . .

Kim Hajun

“Hello?” Jisu Seonbae said.

I knew I was the one who told him to call me earlier, but the fact that he actually did had my heart racing like crazy. I was lying in bed, taking a few quiet deep breaths to make sure I didn’t sound overly excited, which was proving to be harder than I expected. I felt like a fluttery teenage girl talking to her boyfriend on the phone for the first time. It was technically true too, minus the “girl” aspect.

“Hello?” Jisu Seonbae said again.

“Hello,” I finally said back, embarrassed for holding him up. “Did you get home?”

“No, I’m not home yet. I just got off the subway.”

It was five minutes to eleven. Yaja ended at ten.

“You must live pretty far from school, seonbae.”

“Yeah, around the same as you.”

“Really? But you come to school so early every day.”

“Well, that’s because I have to. I’m used to the long commute now, but I couldn’t say the same during my first year. That’s why I understand your struggle.”

There was something nice about Jisu Seonbae saying he understood me. Finally, there was someone like me. And that someone liked me, too.

My heartbeat wasn’t planning on slowing down. I didn’t fully get what was going on with me. I was pretty sure no girl ever made me feel like this, definitely not to this extent at least. Yet, how was a boy capable of doing so?

“So, um, it’s Friday,” I mentioned to bring myself out of my wandering thoughts.

“About time,” he said in a tired, low voice.

He let out a long sigh as if he was letting go of all the tension from the week and allowing himself to relax for the first time. It seemed like I was talking to a different side of him that he never showed at school. Then again, he had shown me a completely different side already once before.

“You worked hard this week, seonbae.”

“Thanks for saying so. But to be honest”—he paused—“the hardest part was asking you out…”

He really was making me feel all sorts of things, both emotionally and physically. It was hard keeping my tingling body from rolling off the bed. I stared at my closed room door to check that I still had absolute privacy. I didn’t know what kind of face I’d make should my parents come barging in on me right now.  

“Well, the hardest part is over now,” I said softly. “You got me.”

“Haha, yeah…” He definitely had a huge smile on his face as he said that. It sucked that I couldn’t see it myself. “Anyway, I’m almost home.”

“That’s good. You should get some rest—”

“Wait!” He sounded so urgent even though I wasn’t planning on hanging up just yet.

“Yes?”

“Um… Are you… free tomorrow?”

As if he couldn’t get my heart racing any faster than this… “Yes, I am.”

“Then, let’s meet up.”

“Okay.”

I wondered if he could sense my smile over the phone line as I could with his. It at least appeared that way from the relieved sigh that escaped his lips. I had a feeling both of us were smiling even more widely now.

“It’s a date, seonbae.”

“Yeah, Hajun… It’s a date.”