Kim Hajun

The next morning, I learned exactly how Jisu Seonbae had known I lived an hour away from school. He only lived five minutes away from me, even having seen me on the subway a few times after school. A confession like this could have given some people the creeps. But somehow with Jisu Seonbae, I was more charmed by how observant he was. He’d been paying attention to me for a while, and I never had a single clue.

“You really didn’t have to come all the way to my apartment building,” I said, still surprised to have seen him waiting for me earlier.

“It wasn’t even that far.” He smiled shyly. “I can do that much.”

“For your boyfriend,” I added with a cheeky grin.

It was probably the lack of sleep that gave me some courage to be able to tease a seonbae like this. Courage or lack of better judgment. Either way, Jisu Seonbae wasn’t angry, just incredibly embarrassed. I could see the panic in his eyes as he scanned the area to check if there were any people around us. There wasn’t anyone within earshot, which prompted me to be stupidly courageous once more.

“Seonbae, you’re cute.”

Nudging me on the shoulder with a hard fist, he whispered, “Stop it. Someone could hear us.”

“I don’t see anyone.”

I smiled at him widely, realizing it wasn’t exactly courage at all. This was how I always was with my friends. And despite Jisu Seonbae being a year above me, I felt comfortable around him. I could be myself, even if it involved a little bit of hell on his part. He was pretty cute when he was embarrassed anyway.

Our first date course was the movies. We ended up picking a foreign horror film because that was the only one that looked interesting to both of us.

“You’re not going to tremble in fear, right?” Jisu Seonbae asked in a rather challenging tone.

I scoffed. “I can watch any horror movie just fine, seonbae.”

“Good. So can I.” He sounded a lot more convincing than I did.

I didn’t doubt him either. Jisu Seonbae seemed like the person who would enjoy watching horror movies. I didn’t mean that in any twisted way. He just gave me a fearless vibe, especially thinking about all the chaos he must go through every day as the student council president.

As for me, I didn’t mind seeing blood and gore. I liked to think I had a strong stomach. However, when it came to jump scares, I simply couldn’t find the appeal in them. Unfortunately, this movie did have jump scares. A lot of them, in fact.

The main character was walking down a long dark corridor in an abandoned mental asylum. I would bet my entire left arm—being the left-handed person that I was—that one of the ghost patients would be waiting for her at the end of it. The background music was getting progressively louder and louder. The screen turned dimmer and dimmer. A faint silhouette of a woman appeared in the distance. 

There was a second of absolute silence.

“Ah!”

I knew it! I fucking knew she’d jump out!

I tightened my hold on the armrests to keep my hands from shaking. This was the fifth jump scare so far, and we were barely halfway through the movie. I didn’t know how much more of this my heart could take. I wished we could’ve just watched the romantic comedy in the neighboring theater…

“Hey, Hajun?”

Before I could respond to his whispered call, Jisu Seonbae placed his hand on top of mine. It was so warm and reassuring that I was able to relax my grip a bit.

Whatever was happening to that girl on screen didn’t come to my attention anymore. My focus was brought solely to our stacked hands. This wasn’t how it should’ve been done though. Perhaps he was being careful. We were in a crowded movie theater after all. But I also considered the idea that Jisu Seonbae might have simply been inexperienced with all this. I had no clue about his dating record.

I could’ve been his first.

To that thought, my heart was begging for me to do what I felt was right. I flipped my hand over and snaked my fingers in between his. He didn’t pull away.

We were holding hands—two boys—in the middle of a public theater. And thanks to the movie’s horror atmosphere, no one could see us in the complete darkness. We both held on without a single worry. I squeezed his hand a bit tighter, to which he flinched ever so slightly.

As dark as it was here, kissing would still be out of the question, right…?

I briefly turned to Jisu Seonbae, whose eyes were glued to the screen. Did I seriously just think that? Did I actually want to kiss him again? Right now? Right here?

I remembered the taste of ChapStick on his lips, the shared warmth from our close bodies, the sharp gasping of our breaths… Every detail of that faithful day sent all sorts of colorful signals waving through my body, only to dissipate upon reaching my head, which was telling me this was not the appropriate time or place. My heart remained restless, however, though it was hardly due to the jump scares now.

Let’s just watch the movie, I mentally repeated to myself a few times. It wouldn’t be as scary to get through anymore with Jisu Seonbae’s hand securely in my own. I would worry about kissing him at a later time, somewhere more private where I could really let my thoughts run wild.

The movie soon ended, albeit with an anticlimactic ending as most B-horror movies did. It didn’t matter. I was just glad to have the lights back on.

Wait, the lights were back on…

Jisu Seonbae pulled his hand away the moment people began standing up to leave. He looked uncomfortable now that there were eyes that could potentially stare. While I didn’t particularly care what others thought, he did. And I had to respect that.

We pretended the thing during the movie never happened. Jisu Seonbae didn’t even mention how scared I’d been despite my prior confidence. We walked out of the theater as casually as two friends, as normally as everyone else.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit disappointed. I was willing to fully commit to our couple status since we had already reached first base. My desire to kiss him again was as clear as today’s weather. I could do it without hesitation, if only he allowed it…

But Jisu Seonbae wasn’t as comfortable with everything yet. He wasn’t comfortable with us yet, at least not when out in public.

I understood. We were two high school boys dating. Our relationship probably seemed atypical to many people. It was simply how it was in the world we lived in—the society that we were born into.

I looked at Jisu Seonbae who had his head down, and something sparked inside of me. It was a strong sense of conviction. Now more than ever, I wanted to break out of our current world. I wanted to teleport to a different reality where Jisu Seonbae didn’t have to feel ashamed of us no matter how many people were around.

It was funny. Just a week ago, these thoughts would have never even crossed my mind. But things were different now. I was changing, opening up to new possibilities.

And I owed it all to this one person.

. . .

Han Jisu

I wondered if Hajun might’ve been put off by how quickly I yanked my hand away after the lights came back on in the movie theater. Honestly, it was such a reflexive motion that it took me a second to realize what I’d done. It took another second to realize why.

I wished the whole world could turn as dark as that theater. Then, I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. I clenched my hand into a tight fist. It was the same hand Hajun held earlier. His was just a few centimeters away. With a quick snap of the wrist, he’d be in my grasp again. But there were way too many people around in this shopping mall.

I turned to Hajun as we waited for the elevator down. It was impossible to suppress the guilt that was beginning to crawl up my throat to my face. Hajun noticed my stare. I worried he would see right through me and ask what was wrong. But in reality, he just smiled. No, smirked would’ve been the better way to put it.

“What, seonbae? Am I that handsome?”

“H-Huh?” I pushed him away, yet another act of reflex. Our hands were far apart now. Turning my head away from him, I said, “Don’t be ridiculous…”

“I’m not handsome, then?” He pouted.

How could Hajun say I was the cute one when he himself was like this?

No, you’re handsome and cute—

“The elevator’s here,” I blurted out, already taking a step forward despite the doors not having opened yet.

“Aw, come on, seonbae! Is that really how you think?”

He rushed into the elevator and was back at my side, still wearing that cute pout. For a second there, I was tempted to close the doors on him. But thankfully, I didn’t let my reflexes get the better of me that time.

Since it was just the two of us inside the elevator, I quietly let out, “Of course… you’re good-looking…”

“What was that?” Hajun said, leaning his ear closer toward me. From his grin, I knew he heard me just fine.

“I’m not repeating myself…”

“Seonbae, you’re cute.”

No, you are…