Han Jisu

“I’m sorry for keeping you waiting,” I said, opening the door to my apartment to let the two of us in.

“It’s fine, seonbae,” Hajun replied. “I didn’t wait that long.”

I still looked at him apologetically. Things ended a bit late with the student council, so I asked Hajun to head home without me. It was the same hour-long commute as any other day. But for some reason, the subway seemed to move slower than usual. It wasn’t so bad on days I had yaja, knowing I wouldn’t be able to see Hajun anyway. But now that we did have plans together after school, I caught myself checking the clock a bit too often the entire day.

“My room’s this way,” I said, heading toward my bedroom.

I let him enter first, to which he took a full look around. It wasn’t a particularly large room, nor was it all that special. But Hajun still seemed impressed.

“Oh,” he said with an approving nod. “It’s somehow exactly as I envisioned it.”

“What? How did you envision it?”

He turned around to face me, and I realized my room was a lot smaller than I thought with two teen boys around. That also reminded me, Hajun was the first friend I brought over since elementary school. No, he was the first boyfriend I ever brought over in my entire life. I couldn’t believe I was thinking about that fact now after I was the one to invite him here in the first place. Not to mention, he was already here—a little too close to me, might I add. Yet he took another step toward me…

“Well…” he began in a slightly lower voice. “It’s simple and neat, just like our student council president.”

“Ah, right—”

“But,” he cut in, “it makes me want to mess things up a bit.”

“Wha—”

Before I could even finish saying the word, Hajun kissed me. But it wasn’t like the one we shared at school. Perhaps it was because we weren’t there this time, or because unlike then, we were now dating.

This kiss felt limitless. It started with Hajun gently sucking on my lower lip, only to soon progress into him fully bringing his tongue into my mouth.

I dreamed of this very scene once, of a passionate kiss in my bedroom. It was back in middle school, right around when I was beginning to feel different about myself. There was this K-pop boy group I used to like, though I couldn’t recall their name anymore since they quickly disbanded. But what mattered was that I still remembered the face of their youngest member. There was something about the way he smiled at the camera while on stage that told me he was just a second away from causing trouble. Actually, that detail paired with his numerous ear piercings bore a striking resemblance to Hajun.

So, that was my type…

“What are you thinking about, seonbae?”

“Huh?” I gasped, realizing just how tender my lips had gotten. “N-Nothing…”

Though Hajun seemed like he wanted to argue with me on that, he pulled me over to my bed and pushed me down. Just as he wished, my once neat sheets began to turn into a crumpled mess.

. . .

Kim Hajun

If only Jisu Seonbae knew how much I’d been waiting for this all day. I could just tell him directly, but I didn’t want to do anything that would break our kiss. Then again, from the way he was kissing me back now that I had his full attention, I’d say Jisu Seonbae had been waiting for this just as much as me.

Somewhere in the midst of all this, Jisu Seonbae switched positions to be on top of me. Without me pushing him down anymore, he took the chance to lift himself up to catch his breath. I took that chance to marvel at his blushing face. Thinking about the fact that I made him like that tingled something within me. Perhaps it was some sort of sadistic side of me because I wanted to tease Jisu Seonbae a bit.

He hadn’t completely lifted himself off me. He was on all fours, each of his arms on either side of my shoulders. It made me feel caged like some animal. I couldn’t go anywhere without his permission. He had me pinned. I was entirely in his hold right now. I wanted him to realize that, too. And so, the teasing began…

“Seonbae…” I looked up at him with pleading eyes.

“W-What?” It seemed he hadn’t caught his breath at all. But even if he had, he was going to be gasping for breath again pretty soon anyway.

“Come back down.”

Both my hands clenched a fistful of his blanket to keep myself from pulling him to me. I was going to get him to come to me this time—to have him kiss me first.

“Seonbae…” My mouth hung open after the last syllable, yearning for his lips.

There was a moment of absolute silence as we stared into each other’s eyes. One dark gaze to the other, we became a direct reflection of one another. It was clear from our mirrored faces that we wanted the same thing here.

Jisu Seonbae finally lowered himself back onto me. He brought his lips to mine, and I released my grip on the blanket to slide my hands into his smooth, black hair. It was the most triumphant feeling, getting him to do what I wanted. But aside from the great content, something felt drastically different about this kiss. With his chest pressed firmly against mine, I thought we would melt into each other. Every inch of us was so tightly packed together. Our tongues intertwined.

Honestly, to think that the student council president—the model image of our school—would be such a hot kisser. Either he was more experienced than he let on or just an incredibly fast learner. I wished it was the latter. I wanted to have as many firsts from him as possible. I wondered if he felt the same way about me. I hoped so…

Whether he knew it or not, Jisu Seonbae had already taken a very important first from me. I’d never felt something this strong for someone—with someone. Sure, I had my share of kisses with past girlfriends. But those might as well have never happened because this one kiss with this boy outshined them all.

I wanted to go further with him. So that was what the tingling sensation was. It was my body’s way of telling me that kissing wasn’t the only thing I wanted from this boy. Jisu Seonbae’s body was telling me something, too.

I didn’t think he realized it yet, but a certain part of him was growing bigger and bigger. I was just two layers of fabric away from actually getting to feel how firm he was.

This was crazy. I was crazy. To think that a boy could make me feel a way no girl ever did. Yet, it wasn’t repulsive in the slightest. In fact, I welcomed it.

I freed one of my hands from Jisu Seonbae’s now messy clump of hair and let it act of its own accord, digging down between our warm torsos. As my hand glided across his stomach, he pulled his tongue out of my mouth and giggled.

“Hajun, what are you doing?”

His eyes were kept happily closed as I watched for how his face would change the moment I touched him. Though it was still over his pants, the tips of my fingers brushed over him.

He gasped, his eyes flinging open just above my own. Out of all the emotions I anticipated to show on his face, panic was not one of them. I thought he wanted this too, but perhaps I was too quick to make that judgment. He pushed himself off his bed, realized the incredible bulge in his pants, and immediately covered it with both of his hands.

He wasn’t giggling anymore.

“W-W-What are you doing?!”

If he was out of breath before, I worried he might not have been breathing at all now. His face was the reddest I’d ever seen. I couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment or rage.

I couldn’t look him in the face anymore. Every part of me was burning with a mix of confused emotions. “I’m sorry, seonbae. I don’t know what I was thinking…”

“Uh, um, well, I-I’ll go get us some snacks and drinks. Wait here.”

Even before I could give him an answer, he left and slammed the door behind him. Alone on my boyfriend’s bed, I drew out a long sigh while assessing what I had just tried to do. Although my actions were clear, I wasn’t so sure anymore what I had planned to accomplish by executing them.

Did I really want to go that far with him?

I didn’t have an exact answer now that Jisu Seonbae was in another room. My thoughts were all scattered and moving way too fast. Even so, something told me the answer to that question wasn’t a total no at least.

Maybe I did want to go that far with him. Maybe I wanted to go even further, whatever that could mean.

Covering my hot face, I murmured into my hands, “What the fuck has gotten into me?”