~Rhett~

“Rhett?” A sob escapes, my entire body shaking as I death-grip the blankets, my head spinning around old and new memories as years of pain come flooding back all at once. It won’t stop. I can’t make it stop. I can’t even force myself to laugh or even open my eyes. “I’m sorry--” I barely hear him say, and I wish I could tell him not to apologize, this isn’t his fault. Fuck, none of this is his fault. 

Anger bubbles inside me, no, it isn’t his fault. It’s theirs! This stupid government that pretends to protect the people with magic. It's them who sent me into the hands of a man who despised me. It's them who came after me when they watched my mother die and did nothing. They’re the reason she hid me. They’re the reason I have a fucking brand burning into my side! They’re the reason Niko is in danger. A shiver rolls down my entire spine when the sudden weight of a massive wing lays over me, snapping me out of the anger and dragging me back into reality. “Please,” there’s an underlying panic in Niko’s voice, a pain. He’s begging, but I couldn’t hear anything else. I don’t know what he’s asking for. But whatever it is, I’ll give it to him, I’ll give everything to him. 

He makes me want to stop fighting it. He makes me want to break down and stop hiding, let all the walls come crashing down and let him pull me out of the wreckage. He makes me want to swim to the surface and gasp for a breath I haven’t had since my brother left for college outside the city. He makes me want to tell the truth, to stop laughing and finally let someone see me cry and know why. 

“What did you do to me?” my voice breaks and when I open my eyes, I can see the darkened blanket where my tears have been soaking into the fabric. There’s a heavy flinch against my back and I immediately regret saying anything, realizing the words hadn’t come out how I’d meant for them too. Fuck! Another sob leaves my throat and I turn myself around painfully, shifting away from him until my back meets the wall as I pull my knees into my chest and a broken laugh leaves my mouth. “I can’t make it stop.” My voice shakes, the words still not making sense as my body tries to laugh it off. I can’t look at him. If I look at him I might lose all control and spill every secret I’ve ever kept in my entire life. 

I’ve never told anyone about Carl except Robby, and that was easy because I didn’t know what I was saying. But I want to tell him. 

After a moment, Niko climbs in front of me until it’s impossible for me to ignore his looming presence anymore. His hand is so gentle as it cups my cheek and my body leans into his warmth without me even having to think about it. “I’m sorry,” I shiver, trying to breathe out the words calmly but biting my lip when my voice starts breaking again. 

“Rhett, please look at me,” pain sharpens the grimace as it crosses my face, my eyes blurring further when I look up to see the worry and care and love in his swirling green eyes. I could get lost in those eyes. I want to get lost in those eyes. “Please talk to me,” Niko’s wings are spread out behind him, filling the room from wall to wall and still bent slightly, he’s shaking now and I know I’m the cause. Where do I even start? How do I tell him the truth-- a truth I’ve never told anyone? The cops probably don’t even really know everything that happened… all they know is that this villainous shadow-core kid murdered his vetern foster-father. 

The only one who might actually have some idea of what happened that night aside from Robby is Wes… but I haven’t seen him since Robert’s parents got me out of prison. 

It's so hard to breathe, I’d forgotten what this felt like. I haven’t really cried like this since my mother died when I was eight. Fuck… its been so long… “I wasn’t in the system until I was eight… my mother tried to keep the government from finding out about me because she knew what they did to kids with light or shadow-core magic. We were unpredictable, so we were pawned off to them as soldiers or experiments or just watched constantly…” I stare down at my shaking hands, trying to keep my voice steady. Maybe I sound stupid, but I couldnt think where to start, so I just started at the begining. “After the crash, when she died… I was thrown into the foster system as soon as I was out of the hospital. My mother taught me not to use my Gift in front of strangers, so they didn’t know what I was…” the room is spinning now as I try to tell the story, focussing on the soft feeling of his hands wrapping around mine instead of on the dizziness washing over me. 

“I ended up in a home with an older man named Carl… he was ex-military and he…” I try to find the words, “he had a lot of rules.” My heart rate spikes, my body going tense under the aching memories of the pain he’d inflicted. “I was up at five am sharp every morning and everything had to be exactly right… At five thirty I needed to wait for him at attention by the door and when he came in, he’d give three specific orders I needed to complete before breakfast and I needed to recite them back to him exactly as they were said… but my memory wasn’t that great…” I remember the first time I made him angry, his Gift making his voice echo through the room as if there were speakers inches from my ears. His giant hands raked through my hair as he dragged me out of my room to the stairs, shoving me to my knees. I pull one of my hands from Niko’s to run it through my hair, trying to force away the phantom pain in my skull as I look away from him. 

“He had this… wooden baton that he carried around with him.” I chuckle, trying to hide the pain again before remembering that I shouldn’t. “If I messed up,” my voice continues as I try to force back the laughter bubbling in my throat. Old habits die hard, I guess. Its funnier because literally nothing I'm saying is remotely funny, but all I want to do is laugh. “He’d smash it into my arms or my back or legs, sometimes my gut or my chest… I was a kid, so of course I cried the first few times..” I chuckle before cringing. Damn it all. “But that just made it worse. He’d hit me twice as much when I cried, telling me not to be weak and to take it like a soldier.” I can hear Niko take in a sharp breath and it surprises me because normally I can’t hear smaller sounds like that. It almost makes me giddy… almost…