Jun doesn’t give himself any time to think about the reality of his feelings, he has no interest in metabolising any of it. He wants the image in his head, the words echoing in his ears to stay somewhere in the air around him until they’ll become faint enough to dissolve on their own.

“Nothing happened.” A mantra he’s been repeating at every worried inquiry from his daughters.

“He’s just mad about the hotel getting rid of that hideous wallpaper.” he can hear the roll of his wife’s eyes in the sound of her voice.

Normally he would have dwelled in some healthy, conjugal bickering, but he doesn’t this time, he stays quiet and lets his family fill the silence. He watches over their backs, listens to their words carefully as they all walk to their favourite restaurant in the area. 

A nice waitress welcomes them as soon as they step inside and helps them find a free table. Jun can't help but feel relieved at the sight of the round tables, at the welcoming, spicy scent of the food typical of this region. His mood improves significantly as he sits down with the small, oily menu in his hands.

"Oh, our little boy was feeling hungry! Is that why you were so grumpy?" Yanli makes fun of him as she pinches his cheek.

Jun just turns to glare at her, to great amusement of their daughters.

He’s worked so hard for this, he’s worked so hard to be normal .

The walk back to the hotel after lunch is calm and pleasant, the old town is not particularly interesting, it reminds Jun of his hometown, where the stone gates in front of the houses are the only things from a past era still standing. Jun tugs at the neckline of his shirt, starting to feel a dit damp. Everything touched by the sunrays boils and melts, but the light breeze coming from north keeps the temperatures mild and comfortable.

"Mom and Li are going to the lake this afternoon." Yunying nears him as they stroll through a busier street, filled with tourist traps.

Jun hums, once again foreseeing what his daughter is trying to say "Sounds nice." he smiles at her, "You want to go too?"

"But the hike…" she circles his arm and squishes her cheek against it.

"The mountains aren't going anywhere. We'll have three more days to explore them." he reassures her,

"That's what I thought! And you’re coming too, right?! Don’t forget the costume!" She takes off without letting Jun get one single word in and reaches the rest of the family, walking a few meters in front of them.

He doesn't want to make it too obvious, but he's glad he won't have to spend hours walking up a mountain with his daughter and the cause of the turmoil brewing inside him.

It's just unlucky that it ends up happening anyways, albeit in a way that doesn't force Jun to interact with him.

If it weren’t for the fact that he can’t stop looking .

The damp tank top Yixing had been wearing the first time he saw him didn’t do much justice to the real lines of his torso. What had seemed just an average fit body is actually made up of artfully chiselled flesh and firm, ripe, tight muscles. 

Jun looks away before he can start drawing comparisons with the models depicted on the packages of his underwear and the shameful, teenage encounters he’s had with them. 

“Isn’t that the new hotel employee?” Yanli asks out loud as she pulls down her sunglasses.

“Who?” Jun gets out, trying desperately to sound disinterested, she points at him and he’s forced to acknowledge it “Oh, yeah, that’s true.”

“Ah,” she sighs and pushes her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. “I feel 20 years younger just by looking at him.” She punches Jun’s chest lightly.

Both of them are caught staring, Yixing rises from the lake’s waters looking like he’s not made of human flesh, but like he's is a marble statue come to life thanks to the gods’ breath. He is honoring them by gazing in their direction and by gifting them a smile, confident and beautiful. His dark hair drips water down the soft features of his face, they stumble over his eyelashes, over his pink lips. Against his better judgement, Jun follows their trail even as they move down and dive in the deep creases of his collarbones. 

“Yeah.” it comes out a bit choked up, but neither of them says anything about it, “Let’s go change.” Jun says with a wry smile, he puts a hand on the small of his wife’s back trying to ground himself to earth.

The changing rooms are the same old, gray buildings they’ve always been. The men’s side has only three private stalls, but Jun is lucky enough to walk in just as one of them becomes free. 

If they weren’t planning to walk directly to dinner, he would have changed into his costume in the hotel room; to be completely honest he would have still done it if it weren’t for his wife’s complaints. In this specific moment, though, he’s glad he did, because his loose shorts cover the anomaly on his crotch much better than a swimsuit ever could.

An almost fifty years old man pitching a tent in the middle of a crowd is shameful and unsightly, it somehow manages to turn even worse when Jun remembers the reason why it happened. 

He needs a few minutes to compose himself after changing, not wanting to make a spectacle out of his issues. Jun closes his eyes, covers his ears and wills himself to think of something else, anything else. Considering his whereabouts, it proves to be quite the feat, he’s in a room made to host naked men, after all and by telling himself not to think about it, Jun is just making himself focus on it even more.

He is not sure how long it took him, but he succeeds, barely, to gather his senses and regain control of his own reins, in the silence of the room around him the key of his door clicks and is readily followed by a voice.

“You took a while in there, Mr. Zheng. I hope everything’s fine.” Jun swears against the heavens in his own head so loudly that he almost isn’t able to hear what his interlocutor is saying. What Yixing is saying.

“Oh, yes.” He smiles, strained, tired, “Everything’s fine.” he walks out of the stall and moves towards the exit, but he’s held back by his right arm.

“Are you not going to leave your things here?” he points at the lockers, Jun follows the line of his finger and attempts not to look like he’s completely forgotten, “I’m going away, so you can use mine.”

“Thank you.” Jun turns on his heels when Yixing lets his arm go and moves to his locker to retrieve his things. 

With his arms full he walks into one of the stalls, Jun gives him a small, awkward nod and moves to dump his own clothes in the small space, but the key is nowhere to be found. He starts searching for it from the counter in front of the only mirror in the dressing room, but at a quick glance, he can’t see it laying anywhere. Expectedly, his eyes stray away soon after that, interested in the moving reflection on the mirror: Yixing’s legs from the knees down, the loud sound of his wet costume falling to the floor, his hands reaching for it. Although, it’s what Jun can’t see that is driving him insane, it’s the images that his twisted imagination is piecing together.

“Are you a good swimmer, Mr. Zheng?” Yixing’s voice echoes in the sterile room, Jun quickly turns away and starts looking for the key again.

“Not really, I just pray I'll be able to stay afloat.” He clears his throat and walks far from the only occupied stall.

“Ah, too bad I won’t be here to witness it!” At that Jun changes his mind and turns to look at the closed door.

“Stop making fun of me, I’ll report you to your boss.” He says jokingly, crossing his arms in front of his chest, “I am a client, am I not supposed to be always right?”

The door opens and Yixing walks out, still shirtless, but he has light washed jeans on, the button of the fastening is left undone, there’s no visible underwear, only a light trail of dark hair starting from unspeakable places and reaching up to his belly button.

Yixing walks up to him, Jun feels a touch under his chin, his head is being moved, and his eyes, that had been so intent overseeing Yixing’s clothing choices and daring glances at everything else he was offering, are now looking directly at his face.

“You’re so wrong. I’ve never seen anyone being so far into the wrong as you.” Jun looks away, turns his back towards Yixing, not feeling any lightness in his words, “It’s not my place to judge, though.”

Jun panics when the mirror shows him Yixing inching closer, his long fingers stroking his back and slowly his entire body nearing him enough to adhere perfectly against him. The wetness over his skin seeps through Jun’s shirt, his hands move over his arms

“But you’re interesting.” His eyes still feel so intense, Jun doesn’t know how to describe the way they make his skin rise, “And you’re handsome.” Yixing’s hand starts playing with the longer strands of his hair “I can’t leave you alone.”

The same hand sneaks over his shoulder and reaches into the small pocket on the left side of his shirt, “The key.” Jun’s heart rate spikes as he pats the same spot and makes the metal jingle, “I’ll see you around.”

Jun turns to look at him as he walks away, with each of his steps he feels himself slip more into insanity.

He quickly slams the locker close and walks to the beach.