“Dad!” Yunying’s shrill voice filters through the restless vertigo of his thoughts.

“Oh!” he’s startled, the newspaper he was staring at without reading falls off his hands, “Yes, what is it?” 

“The hike! It’s supposed to start in an hour! We’re going right?!”

Jun bends down to pick up the newspaper and takes his time folding it up, giving some empty space for his brain to come up with an excuse.

He sighs, "Sure." no good excuses come to him unfortunately.

In a little more than twenty-five minutes, Jun has worn his hiking outfit and is ready to take on the mountains.

His daughter and himself near the small group equipped with professional ankle boots and backpacks, Yixing notices them and nods his head, Jun avoids looking at him all together and tentatively raises his hand, to be at least a little bit polite, and greet him back.

"Look, they go the other way around." Yunying has a small map provided by the hotel in her hands, the red line highlighting today's trail takes turns and paths than his daughter and he never knew existed.

"Oh, they go east, we might be able to see the lake." Jun points out excitedly, the love for his hobby makes it easy to forget the worries.

They are in a small group of eight people ranging between twenty-five and forty years of age and yet, only fifteen minutes in, his sixteen years old daughter and his tired almost fifty years old self find themselves at the head of the expedition.

"It's a shame we never found this path before." Jun says, voice full of regret as he looks on at the new scenery. The dark stone of the mountains is almost completely covered by greenery, a sign that water must be close, it's a sight completely different from the usual drier landscapes they see on the walks they organize by themselves.

"Our usual excursions are good too! But I'm glad to hear you say this, I thought you were going to be mad." Yunying sounds elated and Jun's heart squeezes, he adores his little girl so much, he dreads the day she'll grow distant like her sister did.

"You don't need to worry about dad! I was just surprised by all the changes..." he pats the yellow baseball cap on her head.

"That was so cute!" Yixing's voice comes from behind them, positively startling Jun out of his skin, making him displace a foot.

“Oh! Careful!” Jun feels a hand grasp his arm and Yixing’s voice again, this time gentle but reprimanding.

“I’m sorry, thank you.” He bows his head politely and moves away quickly, he focuses on glaring at his daughter who is laughing at him almost face planting on nothing but rocks.

It's a shame that Yixing tags along for the rest of the hike, sharing small talk with Yunying and making Jun so hyper-aware of him that he finds it impossible to focus on anything else. The hike goes by with him staring at thighs and sweaty, lightly tanned skin instead of incredible views of the lake.

The hike up the mountain lasts a couple of hours, it reaches its end when the small group walks up to a clearing with an incredible view of the lake and is awarded with a sandwich and a bottle of water.

Yunying sits down and hugs her legs to her chest, looking absolutely thrilled, even by the dry bread of their lunch. Jun is a bit out of breath, but he already feels lighter just by looking at her.

“Take a picture of me!” She suddenly springs to her feet and starts fumbling with her backpack. It takes a while, but when she finally finds her phone she runs towards Jun oozing excitement.

“Of course.” Jun nods his head and immediately steps back, trying to show in the picture as much of the landscape as he can. Yuying throws up a peace sign and a victorious pose, “Ah, that’s so pretty, honey!”

“Thank you!” she singsongs, widening her cute smile even further.

“I think we have enough now!” After a minute or two, she tries to politely tell her father to stop snapping away, but Jun doesn’t want to hear it.

“No, let me take one more with the trees on your right!” he almost shouts, but he’s not embarrassed in the slightest, nothing is embarrassing when his dad mode is turned on.

“Hey, Yixing ge, please take a picture for us!” Yunying suddenly raises her arms and starts waving, making Jun’s next shot an absolute mess. Jun looks at the image on the phone screen with an austere expression, trying to express how distraught the sight makes him.

“Oops…” Yixing says as he poses his eyes on the picture, Jun looks at him with his lips downturned, “Yunying looks like a flying bug in that one. I hope the others are better…”

“The others are perfect! This would have been a great shot, too!” he complains, but no one listens to him: Yunying is telling him to stop talking and Yixing is pushing him towards his daughter.

The complicated poses Yuying makes him do are enough to keep him happy and distracted, even when Yixing hands him back the phone and touches him more and longer than necessary he is able to not pay it any mind. At least that’s what he tells himself.

It’s a bit harder to ignore Yixing when they’re back at the hotel and in front of everyone he comes close to him and invites him somewhere else to talk.

He guides him far from the entrance and past the smoking area, almost all the way around the building where there’s nothing but heavy-looking cases, doors that only the staff can open and trees. 

“You weren't lying when you said you enjoyed hiking,” he starts, Jun smiles stiffly, scared of finding out the reason why he was brought here “Your daughter too, that was really nice to see… It’s pretty rare these days.”

“She’s the only one in the family who enjoys it, I tried to convince my wife, my oldest daughter, but they never even wanted to try.” Jun reminisces, smiles lightly at his next thought, “Yunying was the complete opposite, she was the one who had to convince me to bring her along.” he eyes a lonely bench standing by the wall and decides to use it as a seat. 

“That’s a really nice story.” Yixing follows and pulls his legs up on the creaky wood to cross them, Jun’s eyes catch the movement and follow it distractedly. Yixing’s tight shorts ride dangerously high on his firm thighs.

“It is.” Jun shifts in his seat, feeling uncomfortable in his own skin.

“Mr. Zheng,” Yixing starts, his feet are back on the ground, he widens his legs and the firm flesh of his thighs fights against his tight shorts. Jun is too distracted by what he is seeing to notice Yixing’s right palm brushing against his left thigh.

Yixing never continues his sentence, instead he stares insistently at him; despite all the encounters Jun has already had with them, his eyes still feel like hot coal on his skin.

Jun retracts his leg, shakes his head no.

“I’m sorry.” Yixing's demeanor changes completely, from relaxed to apologetic, he stands up and fumbles slightly with his hands, clearly not knowing what to do with them, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’m not going to lie, you are.” Jun stands up too and clears his throat, his fists close, “You’ve been making me uncomfortable since I got here.” 

Yixing turns, his expression is still softer than usual, but his right eyebrow ticks, “Then how uncomfortable do you think it is to be stared at like you stare at me.” he takes a few steps towards him, until they’re face to face.

Jun is stunned, not only he was caught red handed, but he also tried to push all the responsibility onto Yixing. He goes back to sitting down, he doesn’t trust himself to be able to stay on his feet with his knees becoming weak and his heat rate spiking.

“You understand why it’s hard for me to not be direct...” Jun’s head falls in his hands when he sees Yixing near him again. He squeezes his eyes shut when he feels the bench accommodate the other person sitting on his left. Yixing pushes his chest against his shoulder and the weight on Jun’s left thigh makes him think that he must have posed one of his legs there“...You do, right?”

Jun’s hand quickly moves to cover the ear where Yixing whispers that last question. He needs to get back on his feet and get out of this man’s range as soon as possible.

“You were so hot today,” a hand sneaks up his neck, plays gently with the strands of hair that reach his nape, “I already knew you’re handsome, but I didn’t expect you to be this fit as well.” One more hand trails down his chest, “You did it on purpose right? Wearing a shirt this flimsy to walk under the sun.” He pulls it up and his hand moves underneath it, feeling the slight abs that Jun still tries to keep trained.

It’s almost four in the afternoon, the rays of the sun are not warming the air in the same way they were doing just one hour before. Despite that, the air flowing through Jun’s nose feels hot and thick like lava. 

Jun sits up, takes Yixing’s wrist and shoves his hand far from him, he doesn’t accompany the action with words, he’s afraid of what his voice might sound like.

Yixing seems to be discouraged by Jun slowly closing into himself, he’s still insistent when he fights against Jun’s grip and retakes control of his hand, but he doesn't push any further. Jun opens his eyes in time to see him pull his leg off of him and sit back straight.

Jun breathes out, sits back, lets some of the tenseness leave his body. He covers his eyes, not wanting to be seen with his face burning out of embarrassment. He feels shame for being so weak and for the way his heart beats faster at the notion of being wanted from someone that looks like Yixing, even if he most likely only sees him as a challenge, or as an old man easy to dupe.

“Stop doing this.” He gets out, it takes a great deal of effort now that he has admitted to himself how he actually feels about Yixing’s attentions.

“Why?” Yixing asks, his Adam's apple bobs under his flawless skin. 

Jun’s features twist with incredulity, “How can you even ask this?”

“I am just asking you to give me a reason.” His eyes widen, he looks quite different from the vixen front he was putting on only a few moments before.

“A reason? There are a million reasons.” Jun finally stands up, he touches his forehead, whipes some of the sweat gathered under the brim of his baseball hat.

“For example?” It’s frustrating, it’s like his words enter in one of Yixing’s ears and escape right out of the other one.

“I am married, I am much older than you,” Jun’s arms fall on his sides, “And I’m not attracted to men.”

“Are we playing two truths and a lie? Because that wasn’t a very good round.” Yixing’s eyebrows raise on his forehead, Jun can’t believe he’s getting this kind of attitude during such a serious moment; he just sighs and stays still, feeling a bit defeated, "I don't understand how you can live like this."

Yixing stands up too, the movements of their bodies have never stopped following the flow of their conversation, “I don’t need you to comment on my morality, I’m not the married guy going on vacation to sneak glances at hot guys.” 

Jun turns to look at him, his features suddenly hardened,  his index finger raises before he can even think about it, “You’re so fucking cocky.”

“Am I wrong?” he continues, the snark is getting to Jun’s nerves.

“It’s none of your business. Just leave me and my family alone.” His voice grows rougher as he steadily becomes more angry.

“If I were the person you’re making me out to be, I would have outed you already.” Hearing that specific word sends Jun’s brain in a frenzy.

Both himself and Yixing have advanced towards each other, their chests puffed and their eyebrows furrowed. Both seem to boil with a mix of emotions that neither is completely able to recognize. 

Jun’s skin’s alight, his breathing grows laboured as Yixing walks close enough to make their chests bump against each other. Every inch of him is raised in tiny, nervous bumps. He gasps deeply, getting ready to fight, but his eyes continue to land on Yixing’s spit-slicked lips.

Jun ponders, wonders, lets his brain free to make the confusion and the sensations worse. Everything is too intense to handle, he is fully convinced that he is having a heart attack when Yixing’s nose brushes against his and the nature around him takes on saturated colors, the edges of his vision blur.

Then Yixing cuts the distance even further and Jun doesn’t move away.

Yixing’s lips are as soft as he had imagined and his tongue, his actions are firm, sure. Everything about him satisfies any teenage dream he has ever had.

Jun accepts how bad he wants to hold his hips, to feel the width of his back, the firmness of his torso, how he wants to be held too, in a way that no one he's ever met in his life could do.

He gives in slowly into each of his desires, his arms close against Yixing’s waist, his flesh is tight, hard against the tips of Jun's fingers. Yixing’s hands splay aggressively over his back, he feels him grope around, almost as to gauge its width and firmnes; meanwhile Jun’s hands fit themselves over the ridges and planes of Yixing’s body and he hides his face in his neck to breathe in his scent. There’s something feral attached to his actions, he is embarrassed but he can’t put a stop to it.

It's supposed to be wrong, unnatural, but Jun has never felt more right.

It's this thought of all things that sets him off. His eyes open again and he sees the world around himself. Everything comes crashing down, all his responsibilities, his decisions, his life whole steals him back from that moment of freedom and doesn’t let him go.

He steps back and pushes Yixing away, ”No,” he whispers to himself, realizing what he has just done.

“At ten I’ll be here waiting for you.” Yixing poses his forehead against Jun’s, holds his head between his hands, “You’re free to come. If you don’t I promise you I will stop bothering you.”

They stare at each other, Jun feels electricity spark everywhere over his body. He nods, then quickly turns his back on Yixing and leaves.

It’s not easy focusing on anything after that.