“Iago? Can I ask you something?”

I look up from my book. Indy’s settling himself in front of me in a large armchair in Mom’s library where I’m curled up reading a book.

“Of course, Indy. You know you can ask me anything.”

“Are you attracted to Nuka?” Indy holds up a hand quickly stopping any response I might have had. “I’m not trying to start a fight. I honestly want to know.”

That’s new.

Ever since Nuka asked me to be his tutor Indy has had a problem with him.

Neither of us can bring him up with out it becoming an argument.

Indy says he doesn’t trust him, I say Indy is being judgmental and prejudice.

So maybe this is a good sign.

“Objectively, I can’t deny he is aesthetically pleasing, but personal attraction…” I shrug one shoulder because….

Well, I don’t know anymore.

A month ago, I would have said no.

Now….

“I don’t know Indy, the more I get to know him…”

Indy just waits.

He’s patient with me.

He knows.

Despite all the books I’ve read and languages I know, when I have to express my own emotions,

I often find myself grasping.

“Maybe.”

That’s all I can come up with.

Logically, academically, I understand relationships and sex.

I’ve read textbooks and those books parents and teachers give you about discovering your body, puberty and sex.

Not to mention all the romance in literature and novels.

Mom has at least a hundred romance novels.

I’ve read them all.

They get very…... descriptive.

Plus, I have 5 brothers.

Barnaby and Brutus are not shy and like to brag.

But I’ve never experienced it personally.

I’ve never really felt attraction to someone before.

But sometimes I look at Nuka and I want to know what his hair feels like running through my fingers, if his skin is warm, or if his lips are as soft as they look.

Sometimes he’ll smile or look at me and my heart will beat faster, and my stomach will flutter.  

But then the feeling is gone.

It lasts longer every time it happens.

I don’t even want to mention the blushing.

Fuck.

The blushing.

I’m not sure if this means I’m attracted to Nuka.

If this isn’t attraction I don’t know if I’ll ever feel it.

Indy nods.

I know he understands why I’m shrugging. He’s tried to describe how he feels when he’s attracted to someone before but then he tells me its different for everyone.

That’s not helpful.

I just can’t quite comprehend it all.

They say I’ll understand, one day it’ll just hit me, and I’ll know.

I’m not holding my breath.

“Do you think he might be attracted to you?”

I snort.

“That’s ridiculous Indy. Why would you ask that?”

Indy’s expression says he thinks I’m an idiot.

Maybe he’s right.

With a sigh I close my book.

“Indy, there is no way someone like Nuka would be interested in me. This isn’t some fluffy romantic comedy where the hot jock falls for the shy nerd. This is real life.”

Now it’s Indy’s turn to sigh.

“I wish you could see your worth Iago. Anyone would be lucky to be with you. Only your Mate will be worthy of you, even then I’m not so sure.”

I know he’s just being nice.

I don’t expect to ever have a Mate.

But still.

It makes me feel good.

Because it’s Indy.

And he knows me better than anyone.

However.

This is an abrupt change.

“Why are you asking this Indy? I thought you hated Nuka?”

“Jing. He talked to all of us some about how mine and our brothers’ treatment of Nuka might be inappropriate and over the top. I don’t hate Nuka; I want you to know. I just don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t trust that he has good intentions. I don’t want him to use you.” Indy stands up, “Look, I gotta go, ok? Don’t wait up.”

And just like that he’s gone.

I wish I knew what he was doing.

He’s never around anymore.

I know he can have his own life, but I just wish he would tell me about it.

I don’t want to go back to my book.

This whole conversation has left me feeling restless.

I usually don’t need to shift a lot.

Not exactly normal for a teenager.

Especially a teenage predator like a bear.

Hormones and such make us more volatile at times.

Not me.

I stay fairly calm.

But right now, I think a shift would be a good idea.

Dad spots me as I walk through the kitchen to the backyard.

“Hey there Cub. Where you headed?”

A shrugged shoulder is my response.

“You know, I’m feeling a bit itchy under the skin. Want to come shift with me. Make sure your old man doesn’t wander off or fall and break a hip?”

A small smile twitches at my mouth.

Dad’s the best.

He just knows sometimes.

I follow him out to the yard where we strip and shift.

His bear is bigger than mine, a huge powerful dark brown Grizzly. I’m big, obviously, I’m a Grizzly but not compared to Dad. My fur is also a lighter brown than his.

A happy rumble come from his chest as he gets near me.

I playfully growl back and bop him on the head with my paw.

He stands up on his hind legs and smacks me on the shoulder.

Rearing up on my own hind legs I lunge forward into his big solid chest.

We play for a long time.

Wrestling and running through the trees.

I forget about everything else.

As I lay next to Dad some time later, panting from all the playing we did, I realize my mind is quiet for the first time in a while.

So, I settle in.

I’m going to enjoy this while it lasts.