Doodling in math class, I pondered on the current events bestowed upon me. Reliving the awful days at camp involving Jennifer. Her name made my mouth dry, leaving a weird taste in it. Her voice made my ears ring, deafening them. Her face made me wince in pain from staring at it for too long, leaving me in a blind rage and envy. The fact that she was the big gossip in school made it dang near worst! The gossipers were everywhere, in every class, in all of MY class periods, making MY life a living hell! Oh, they were Soooo happy to see her, wondering if such an evil, conniving b*tch like her truly changed( which she hasn't!). Maybe they thought she would want them in her "friend group". Meanwhile, I was freaking out over their astonishment at the girl that ruined my entire summer, my camp experience, and my relationship(s)! I really must be in the twiglight zone, and I need to get out of it fast!

My mind became fuzzy and hazy as I grew nausiocus from the complete and utter lies told by my fellow-classmates. I grew tired of the " OMG that's Jennifer over there!, lets go talk to her!" or the "Hopefully she remembers us from summer camp! lets go find out!", and my all time favourite " We missed you so much during the fall semester, can't wait to get you all caught up this year!" I might need to puke after that one, or a drink, maybe both! Then came the "She's so kind", "She's ah sweetheart", "She's so kindhearted too!", "She's has such great passion!", and the "Look how far she has come since reform school last fall!" disgusts me. Her so called "changes"  have no effect on me whatsoever. So no matter what people say, shes the same old bratty, egotistic, selfish, insenstive jacka$$ who stole from me in my eyes.

Seeing her sit comfortbly in her chair, raising her hand and speaking softly spokenly yet respectibly to every one made me gag. I want to gounge my own eyes out from seeing this witchcraft!!! How can you watch her honor the same people she once had great animosty towards and not think somethings up?! She may be able to deceive others, but she won't ever decieve me!!

Answering all the questions right as if she were here all year, she was fully engaged in all the "fun" activities the whole class were forced to partake in. Knowing most of our...MY classmates names  by heart and having ALMOST the SAME schedule as me was the last straw! 

Now glaring at her, I grunted at the teachers choice on who was my assigned study "buddy" for the huge peformance task that will decide if we pass her class and move up a phase. Take a guess on who is my assigned partner...that's right, Jennifer! Something that's 70% of my grade is jeopardize by her, including lunch!

In fact I was so p*ssed of to the point of no return when I entered the cafeteria. I texted Bee about what happened this morning and her reply was, "It isn't so bad, this time might be different for you 2. You might be able to finally befriend her instead of being enemies for a lifetime!" Can you guys believe her, Jennifer has gotten to Bee too!!!  Her little friend Katilyn even agreed she continued. I shoved my phone back into my jean pocket when I made it into the long lunch line, running into Jennifer there. 

"Hey Amber, long time no see," she said softly, brushing her long, lucious hair out her face. I never noticed she was a blond with green eyes until now. I felt a knot in my chest as she continued.

"I wanted to say sorry about before, I shouldn't have said or done those things at summer camp to you and  your friends in anyway and I apologise for that," she looked for valadation in my face as we moved forward to the cooler full of milks and juices.

"It's not okay what YOU did at camp and is deemed unforgiviable to me," she stared into the depths of my soul with the eyes of an innocent dog being barked orders by it's  owner.

"I know I can't change what I did  Amber, but at least you can forgive me?" she stared now anxiously as I took no time to answer back,"That's where your wrong Jennifer, I will never forgive you from stealing my bestfriends from me, embarassing me entire the whole camp or trying to gibe me. I will never want to make amends with you or give yo a chance, EVER!!!" Her cheeks grew red as her eyes filed with sadness. To think that a girl like her could even feel it is laughable. Especially when she went ahead of me, grabbed two salads and walked off to Bees table. The fact that they still can sit there and chat together made my blood boil even more. I grabbed  pizza and headed to their table, Caleb stopped me dead in my tracks. 

"Amber just stop it! I know what you're thinking of doing!" I turned to see Caleb, looking rather concerned for me. He saw me face contort into scowl as he progressed with," Do you really think Jennifer hasn't change or that she wants to get under your skin again?"

"Has she gotten you again or have you really become this stupid Caleb?I mean you are a theater kid!" He shot me a dirty look, looking astounded at my comment.

"You're being a jerk right now Amber and you know it. So stop doing what you're about to do because I know you'll start a war that'll never end. You'll do exactly what you did at camp, making things worst instead of rationalizing your decisions and feelings!"

"That's false! What I did at camp is different than what I'm about to do now. Let me do this, let me stand my ground before she does. Let me...." He pulled me back and dragged me to his table, placing on the sit next to his. Bee watched as she saw me moved violently away from him, but his grip was too strong. He was too strong while I was someone weak, trying to start something that I know will never finish.

"Your right, I shouldn't jump to conclusion,I shouldn't fight battles I can't handle and I should definitely calm down," my heartbeat slowed down as I calmed my nerves. He looked at me intently as his friends just laughed and talked as if we weren't just tug of warring to this table right now.

"Your my friend Amber, and I should have never picked sides when it came to the fights with you and Jennifer. But, seeing how She acted today and then how You acted today...er currently, this has to end at some point. You can't keep blaming her for what happened when you have a part to this too. She's changed and you need to except that at some time sooner rather than later,"

"If I choose to agree with you, will you give me one of your applesauces?" He gave me weak smile,"Yes I will, now straighten yourself out and be the Amber we all know you can be!" I continued to sit near him, thinking about how I acted today. 

~

She's really gotten to him and I need to pick better allies, just kidding guys, I'm not that dull and narrow minded, I'm hurt that he's right though! At camp, I thought she was out to get me, I felt itimadated by her. How rich, popular, beautiful and smart she was. She was a butthole and she did become friends with Bee during the times where I always tried to reconnect with her, but I did go off and made decision I know I shouldn't have done. I rejected, suppressed and fired back the feelings I have inside and it ends up hurting me. Grandma told me that before she passed, how I needed to control myself and behave more, be mature and think wisely and independently for once. No one should have to tell me this, I know this and I know how to make things better for myself.

I rose from out my seat and walked slowly to Bee's table, Caleb studied me before listening to his friends decision on the new play the school's going to primiere at the end of the school year that the whole class is going to be forced to watch ("yippee!"). Bee stopped fondling her fork while talking to Jennifer, quietly observing my moments. Never in a million years would she have thought I would sit across from her and sit next to Katilyn. I acknowledged both Katilyn and Jennifer before saying," I'm sorry, I was being inconsiderate of how you feel and how you've been trying to make mend the rivalry we once have into a good/stable acquaintanceship. You have the right to not forgive me since I was a jerk first and I was part of the problem too, not the solution," I held my head high, high enough to see her into the soul of a person I also made a nightmare for.

"We aren't saints Amber or friends, but that doesn't mean we can't be. Friends I mean..." she cracked a smile as put her hand on mine. I fought the urge to pull away as my eyes focused on Bee's face of pride, she looked pleased to see me trying. I think she saw us in the line earlier and knew I messed up.

"I would like that, I would really like that indeed," she let go and went back to talking about her dog I think. Her and Caleb really are dog lovers. I'm surrounded by them, it's not astonishing that her and Caleb bonded over that. 

Bee texted me and I blushed, she typed me a sticker that said,"You make not be the best apolligizer, but at least your the bestest friend I could ever ask for!" I typed back, "Wait no cats?" She replied," Oh, here's one of the cat that reading Shakespeare" seeing it in a group chat made it worth the wait I guess and having my moments with Bee is everything to me, even though I have to share her.

We departed after lunch and I felt a few pounds lighter. Walking hand and hand with my greatest foe(no not Katilyn) to the last period of the day. Jennifer wouldn't have struck me as an outspoken and loquacious person, but she is. It's not too bad, in fact sometimes I wish I could talk at least more than I actually do, without short phrases or simple words. She even surprised me with the fact that she loves writing and is really excited about the history project I somehow started with broken fingers now. I haven't talked to her about the typewriter like that except the fact that I'm injured for the time being and need some help. She said she could help since her mom's an expert at those machines. I'm glad someone's mom is and willing to help. She's even thinking about going to writing club with me and I asked her to join me. Something I never knew I had it in me. Of course she said yes and came after school with me.

Welcome to Writing Club said as huge welcoming mat on the floor. It took us ages to make it through the long hallways full of odd number class rooms to find it, making us sigh in relief. Jennifer had better stamina than me since she did track and I'm over here wheezing my butt off. Someone came to the door to welcome us in, " Hi my name is Stephanie, thank you for joining us today!"

"Thank you for having us join!" Jennifer remarked. I stood there, scanning the room for empty seats for us to sit in. She sat next to me while Stephanie sat adjacently, sitting next to a girl name Taylor from my ELA period. Both gave us an award winning smile as more girl began to rush in.

"How'd they know where the room is Amber? We've walked the halls for so long, I grew a beard!" 

"Maybe they are previous members.."

"Nah, they have maps I'd say," Taylor intervened. 

"I came in a few minutes before you guys and Stephanie told me people get lost trying to find room 513 all the time. I guess it's just bad choice of setting if you ask me," Stephanie guided everyone to their seats like a Shepard herding his sheep and became her introduction.

"Welcome to writing club guys. I'm so stoked to be seeing all of your beautiful and smiling faces. Whether your old or new to this club, it doesn't matter since we will all get along  and get to know our follow peers as always. So let's make the most of our year together and get started with our first writing prompt! Write about an important item to you and tell us why it is so. And I really want you guys to pour your heart into this, so I'll give you a week or two to complete this. Please try your best and don't stress over this. Try using the time we have to at least brainstorm, so let's get to it.

"What are you going to write about Jennifer?" She looked up from her paper and paused before responding with," Maybe the charm bracelet my mother gave me before she moved back to her hometown closer to her job, what about you?"

"I don"t know yet, what about you Taylor?" She stopped talking to Stephanie and looked agitated towards me, she did take a deep breath and said, "Uhhh, my watch, yeah the watch my grandpa gave me before he passed last December," I frowned at the grandfather part of her answer.

"I didn't know your grandfather passed? My grandmother just died a couple of weeks ago," she looked upset to, giving me her full divided attention and told Stephanie she would text her later.

"Are you ok, you know with the passing Taylor, do you feel empty inside too? Do you feel like a part of you died?"

"Yeah I do sometimes, but I don't let that stop me from being me you know?"

"I don't know that feeling...."

"I do, ever since my mother left for work, I felt a little different at first, but then I gratitudally changed for the better with the help of my friends and family, you can too Amber,"

"Jenny's right, how'd you think I moved on from the terrible year without him? I do miss him terribly, but I don't let that control me and you hopefully shouldn't do it Amber," 

"I understand what you guys are doing, that's basically why I joined this club, for a healthy expression of my thoughts and feelings," Stephanie walked over and hoping our triangle.

"Good thing you are, that's what I attended to do when I first became president last year. I really hope you enjoy it here with us, all of us Amber. And if you ever need any help, you can always ask us, we'll be here for you,"

"That's sweeet guys, I might get a tooth ache, and that'll be a pain I'll never want to bare!" We all giggled amongst ourselves as we told each other  stories. Myths about the school or about what the fauculty really being doing once we're gone or the PTA meetings gone wrong. I never knew I could have so much fun here, time flew so fast, by the time I looked up, it was time to go. My new group of now called friends walked outside to the car pickup and wished me a goodbye, telling me they can't wait to see me tomorrow spduring our class periods and can't wait for the next meeting. My mom waited for me to hurry before the neighbors took our parking spot closest to our house and asked, "So how was school? Did you enjoy your new club Mrs, Treehugger?"

"Mom, stop acting like Bee," My face grew redder by the minute.

"Yes mom, and I made a couple of friends, see" I showed her the new numbers on my contact list and the new group chats I'm official in now. She read Jennifer's name and asked if I was cool with Jennifer now.

"Yes mom, now we're actually getting somewhere. Now we really are starting fresh, and I'm glad we are!"