Kirito: *reading manual* 

Kirito: blah blah blah blah blah, remember to turn the on button blah blah blah could melt your brain if removed blah blah. Nothing important, let's give this bitch a go

*logs on and some other shit*

Kirito: WOW, I'm back! damn the graphics are a lot shittier than I remembered, this game was like $500 or some shit, talk about a rip off

*walks around for a bit*

Bandana dude: Yo you look like you know shit tell me how to play

Kirito: I see

Bandana dude: So is that a yes or...

Kirito: You want to slice up your enemies 

Bandana dude: NO

Kirito: Shame, and here I was thinking you were a real man

Bandana dude: I'll do it!

Kirito: Like your spirit maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan

Badana dude: no.... I'm Klein by the way

Kirito: Eh who gives a fuck about you side character

Klein: GO FUCK YOURSELF

Kirito: Oh my...... would you help me?

Klein: I will murder you

Kirito: How will you do that if you don't even have a sword NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB

Klein: I will end you some way or another mark my words

Kirito: Your words mean bullshit compared to me your lord and savior KIRITO

Klein: You just look a generic black hair anime boy nothing special

Kirito: DON'T DISRESPECT YOUR HANDSOME, HOT, AWESOME

Klein quietly: narcissitic 

Kirito: GOD! NOW ONTO TEACHING YOU THE ART OF KILLING YOUR ENEMIES, YOU SHOULD BE GREATFUL PEASENT

Klein: how have I gone from noob to peasent in the space of a few sentences, fuck this is inconsistant

*later on the fields*

Kirito: This is a boar thing, you charge up your sword and BAM! you got bacon

Klein: I'm vegan

Kirito: Tell someone who cares now kill

Klein: But it is a creature just living it's life not needing to be disturbed

Kirito: I new you looked like a pussy but I didn't know you were that much of a pussy

Klein: *kills boar*

Klein: HAPPY NOW YOU ASS

Kirito: It seems that you have now gained all the experience I can give you, good luck on your journey

Klein: Wait.. That's it?!

Kirito: To hell am I gonna teach you how to be better than me

Klein: Some God you are, I have pizza at home so fuck you, i'm gonna go eat

Kirito: I am of the highest quality of God's mind you and I will not except slander from a st......

Klein: Hey I can't log off

Kirito: Press the log off button

Klein: But it won't let me

Kirito: How hard is it to push a fucking button you dumbass...... what the fuck it isn't here

Klein: Look whose talking

Kirito: Yo red light

*funky transport*

Red cloak: HELLO MY PRISONERS, I AM THE CREATOR AND I AM TRAPPING YOU IN THIS GAME WHERE IF YOU DIE YOU DIE AND REAL LIFE AND IF YOUR HEAD SET IS REMOVED YOU WILL ALSO DIE, YOU WILL FEEL PAIN, HUNGER AND OTHER STUFF BUT ENJOY LIVING IN THIS DOPE WORLD I SPENT AGES TO CREATE. IF FOR SOME REASON YOU WANT TO LEAVE FINISH THE GAME. I HAVE GIVEN YOU A GIFT SO OPEN THAT UP WHENEVER AND SHIT. ENJOY THE GAME YOU NERDS

Kirito: What is this gift

Klein: Wow I wander what it could be

*everyone changes back, people realise they lied about gender and shit and I can't be fucked to write it out*

Klein: HA YOU'RE A KID

Kirito: I'm gonna kick your ass, respect your God

Klein: HA DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT YOUR A KID, NEED ME TO BABY SIT YOU

Kirito: I'M 14 GODDAMMIT, FUCK YOU I'M GONNA GO SOLO AND SHOW YOU WHAT A GOD CAN DO

Klein: HAVE FUN PUNK

Kirito: I'LL MAKE YOU REGRET THE DAY YOU WERE BORN YOU OVERGROWN RED SHRUB

Klein: Bye generic black hair male protagonist

end of script