Han Jisu

Though I did stop by the restroom to check my face beforehand, it took a few moments of deep breathing until I was ready to enter my classroom. It wasn’t so much my cheeks that I was worried about, since they’d calmed themselves down to their usual pale complexion. Instead, it was more about my lips. I nearly gasped when I checked myself in the mirror and saw how swollen they’d gotten. Hajun did suck on them quite hard—

Before I started blushing like crazy again, I rushed into my classroom with just a minute to spare of lunch. I immediately buried my face into a random textbook, pretending to be focused on memorizing the pharaohs of ancient Egypt. Actually, this was stuff we covered back in the first semester, and we just finished the midterms of the second semester…

I quickly closed the textbook, hoping no one noticed how much of an idiot I was being. This was all Hajun’s fault. He was too good at making me break out of character. Or perhaps this was who I truly was after all, behind the quiet and collected image I usually portrayed as the school’s student council president.

“Oh my gosh! Hayun, what happened?”

There was certainly no one paying attention to me now. Everyone’s gaze went to Kim Hayun, who was surrounded by her friends after entering with Jiwoo. Her eyes were just as swollen as my lips. To think that both of these swollen body parts were the work of one boy…

I knew it sounded awful, but I was kind of glad Hayun cried.

“You’re the only person who can make me like this, hyung.”

I had to bite my lower lip to keep myself from smiling. Yeah, he definitely had a way of breaking my mask. But I could use being a bit more honest about myself, especially when it came to him. And to that, I passed a quick glance at Hayun with the most honest thought in my head.

Hajun is mine.

. . .

Kim Hajun

Needless to say, I never spoke to Hayun Seonbae again. Not that it mattered, as long as Hyunwoo and I could stay friends. He didn’t mention anything of his rather heroic actions in the days that followed. It might as well never have happened. But I knew, and I remembered. That was why I couldn’t help trying to be there for him as much as I could.

“Hey, Hajun!” he called on his way out the door at the end of the school day. “I’m going to a PC café. Want to come along?”

Unlike most guys, online games never interested me much. Not to mention, my current top interest was Jisu Hyung’s lips. But I had to give in today.

“Sure,” I replied, grabbing my bag. “Where are you heading?”

The two of us went to a place near school. Hyunwoo lived in the area anyway, and Jisu Hyung would be doing yaja until later that night. Although I was awful at the shooting game Hyunwoo was trying to get me into, it was good enough to pass the time. I didn’t think I would ever play it again after today though, as sorry as I felt to Hyunwoo.

By the time the clock was nearing ten, I was on a marathon of YouTube videos, having given up on getting any better at shooters. With one last cat video, I began gathering my stuff to leave.

“Going home?” Hyunwoo asked, still with his headphones on to chat with his team until the next match began.

I nodded. “It’s getting late.”

“Man, it must suck living so far from school. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

“Yeah, bye.”

I headed back to school just when the first few students were walking out of the building at the end of yaja. I stood in the shadows by the front gate, waiting for Jisu Hyung. I found myself avoiding the gazes of all the other people, especially those in my grade.

Technically, there was nothing wrong with me going home with Jisu Hyung. We lived in the same faraway neighborhood, and he was a nice seonbae. But it was the thought of him being my boyfriend…

It was stupid, I knew, and yet I still found myself being a bit self-conscious of it despite no one else in the world suspecting us at all. Secret relationship must’ve been hard enough as it was for straight people. Being in a gay secret relationship just added an extra level of difficulty that I wished didn’t have to exist.

Why did it have to exist?

“Hajun?” Jisu Hyung said. His voice was calm, though his face was pleasantly surprised.

“Hi, hyun—” I recognized a few girls from my class. “Seonbae.”

“Hi,” he returned shyly with all the people around us. “Let’s go…”

I made sure to keep a safe distance between us until we got on the subway home. After a few stops, there were no more people around us. We had discovered that the last train compartment tended to be empty at this late time of night. And so, I could safely lean my head on my boyfriend’s shoulder without any fear of judgment. He was relaxed, too.

“Did you have fun with Hyunwoo?” he asked.

I shrugged. “It was okay. I’m not much for games, though.”

“Really? I expected the opposite.”

“What makes you say that?”

Now he was the one to shrug. “I suppose it’s because you’re never at yaja.”

“I can’t stand the desks at school. Besides, I prefer studying in your bedroom.”

“But you barely study when you come over.”

“That’s not true,” I smirked. “I study you all the time.”

Jisu Hyung turned the other way to hide his blush. I could tell which memories had popped up in his head. They were the same as mine. But unlike him, I didn’t get embarrassed by them. On the contrary, I reveled at the thought of the things we did together. I wanted to do all of them again at the earliest opportunity.

I snuggled closer into him, taking in the fading scent of his shampoo from this morning. His once perfectly ironed shirt had now gained a few wrinkles from the day’s affairs. I noticed he had the top button undone. It had been pretty hot during our walk to the station earlier. I wondered how he would react if I undid another one.

Unfortunately, my fantasies were short-lived. Jisu Hyung didn’t have to do anything. I pushed myself off him the moment someone boarded the train on our side. We were back to being two regular high school boys on their way home. Not a single person would suspect anything more as we were now, sitting next to each other but not touching, and eyes on our respective cell phones with tired faces. If only they knew we were currently texting our innermost thoughts to each other…

I wish I can kiss you right now.

Me too.