To Jared and my mom

AJ Arquette and her friend Twist Holloway were going shopping at the Cash&Grab Value Supermarket, AJ with her mom and Twist with her dad.

AJ and Twist were looking at the on-sale VHS tapes of their favorite TV show, Larry’s Lagoon, while their parents were checking out, so they were left behind...and, ultimately, locked in the store.

“Oh, no! We’re locked in ze store!” AJ cried, doing a weird dance.

“Why are you dancing like that?” asked Twist.

“I can’t ‘elp it! I ‘ave to pee!” AJ answered, cupping her hands over her front.

“Then GO.”

But then AJ abruptly stopped her dance, a look of relief appearing on her face. “Zat’s ok, I zink I can ‘old ze rest.”

Twist took a couple steps away from her friend.

A few minutes later...

The girls were walking through the Market for reasons nonexistent. Eventually they came across the “Wacky and Weird Inventions'' department, which showcased everything from a Spatula/Backscratcher-O-Tron™ to a simple Forktwirl.

What piqued AJ’s curiosity, however, was a lawn-mower with octo-claws and yellow mini-headlights. It was labelled “GRASSOCIDE V5”.

The silly girl pressed the “on” button and the Grassocide roared into life.

“Must kill weeds!” it roared.

Twist screamed, grabbed her friend by the arm, and zoomed off toward the deli, the Grassocide in hot (flaming) pursuit.

AJ and Twist eventually hid behind the apple counter, while the Grassocide sped toward the video section.

“Crush, kill, destroy, grass!”

Meanwhile, on the freeway approaching Milkshake Street…

AJ’s mom and Twist’s dad found out that the girls weren’t with them and headed back to the store (after Blaze had screamed “AHHH! OUR BEBES!” and fainted, of course).

AJ and Twist were trekking through the “Boy's Clothes” section, trying to find their way out of the store.

“‘Ey, Tweesty?” the silly girl whispered, nudging her friend with her elbow and pointing to a nearby shelf filled with boys’ briefs, “Why do zey ‘ave girls’ undies in ze boys’ section?”

Twist turned bright red and was about to fish around for an answer that would make sense to her ditzy friend when the Grassocide suddenly whipped past, headed toward the “Winter Wear” department.

"Must kill weeds!"

The girls backed further into the shadows of the “Smelly Boys' Clothes” racks, with AJ unknowingly hooking her underwear onto a clothes hanger.

“I want my mommy,” the eye-banged girl squeaked.

Twist turned away from AJ so she couldn't see that she, too, was afraid, and that’s when the brave girl saw it: a giant “Wedgie Robot” stationed right in the middle of the “Plot Conveniences” section, right across the aisle from where they were hiding.

Instantly, Twist flashed a brilliant smile as a lightbulb went off over her head, mesmerizing her silly friend.

“Oooh, pretty!”

Outside the store...

Frank was looking embarrassed and angry with himself as Blaze switched rapidly between banging on the door and wiping at her jade-green eyes with an embroidered, lacy handkerchief.

BANG! Sob. BANG! Sob.

A burly guard answered the door, a donut box in his hand.

“Is there a problem, sir and ma’am?”

“A MAJOR problem, Monsieur Security Guard!” Blaze sobbed, her tears making her eyeliner run down her pretty face, “Our bebes ‘ave been left een ze store!”

She stopped for a fraction of a second to wipe her messy eyes, then added, “And we were supposed to play Fashion Model today!”

The guard burst into laughter and showed the two distraught parents into his office.

“Look, peeps, there are motion-sensored cameras hidden all across the store. If anything happens there, I know about it. Well, unless it’s in the bathroom of course,” he added under his breath.

As AJ was trying to follow Twist to “Plot Conveniences”, her underwear became unhooked from the coat hanger and snapped back against her waist, making her let out a loud, high-pitched "EEEK!". And right at that very same moment, the Grassocide turned around and headed right for the girls, almost as if the robot had heard AJ's painful squeal.

"Crush, kill, destroy, grass!"

Twist screamed while AJ, unsure of what else to do, lunged for the weird lawn-mower and started banging on its engine like a bongo. But the Grassocide just picked her up by the collar with one of its octo-claws and threw her into a pile of basketball shorts.

Twist dashed for the Wedgie Robot and turned it on; its eyes shone the same shade of jade green as AJ’s as it powered up.

The Robot lumbered toward the Grassocide, and both machines promptly began ripping each other apart, not stopping until the Robot gave the super lawn-mower’s fuel tank a “wet willy”.

“Crush -- weeds -- destroy -- grass -- kill --”

The Grassocide exploded, and the Robot fell from its injuries.

Frank spotted the girls on one of the security monitors, standing amidst the wrecked “Plot Conveniences”, both singed and bruised and covered in clothing tags.

“B-Blaze!” the father Holloway exclaimed, hardly believing his eyes, “It’s them, it’s the girls!”

Blaze gave a startled but relieved squeal. “Mon bebe!”

The two parents zipped past the double doors and into the store, while the security guard nearly choked on his donut out of surprise.

“Holy jelly beans!” he cried, eyeing the monitor with wet eyes, "Freaking third-graders got past the lasers!”

Twist, finally allowing herself to be scared, ran straight into her father’s outstretched arms, tears falling freely down her face as Frank hugged her tight.

AJ, on the other hand, was hysterical as her overprotective, slightly manic mother scooped her up in her arms.

“Oh, mon petit gâteau d’opera,” Blaze crooned, her face now completely covered in eyeliner as she held her child to her breast, “I’m so glad you’re alright!”

“Mommy--” AJ blubbered through her mother’s blue dress in between sobs, “Scary lawn-mower-- r-robots-- really ‘ave t-to pee--”

“Shhh,” Blaze stroked her daughter’s back, “Eet’s OK, mon cher; Mommy's here. Oh, and you’re grounded for two weeks,” she added, making AJ wail even louder.

Twist, who had a dark and twisted sense of humor, couldn’t help but laugh at her friend’s disposition.

“Oh, I wouldn’t laugh if I were you, Bertha,” Frank said, putting a hand on his daughter’s shoulder, “You’re grounded, too. No TV or word searches for two weeks.”

Twist sputtered in indignation. “Th-That’s not fair!”

“Too bad. Life’s not fair,” said Frank, hugging her again.

Then the security guard got all sappy and they all group-hugged.

A week later, Wallet G. Moneybanks, founder and CEO of Cash&Grab Marketplace LLC, was arrested (as were his teenage daughter Maddie and his company treasurer, for being involved in the crime), under the charges of selling illegal products (including several barf-o-matic food items), and his store was shut down a few days later.

Moneybanks denied comment on this, but his now-juvvie’d daughter did not: “You guys, like, suck.”

~The end!~