!! Trigger Warning: bullying / homophobia / physical abuse !! 

After that, Holland kept coming to Book Den every day. Apparently, she couldn’t take no for an answer because that was what I had told her. At first, I’d laughed because – duh – it was ridiculous! But when she kept staring at me with those merciless eyes, my laughter faded, and I realized that she was dead serious. Of course, I declined. I mean, hello, how was a nerd like me supposed to become friends with the most popular guy at our high school? 

But when Holland returned the next day and the day after, I asked Matt for help. He’d lifted his bushy brows just as surprised as me before he made it his personal fun game. Every time Holland came into the store, my boss made a habit of leading her around the shop, always to areas where I was certainly not to be found. But with summer vacation coming to an end, I knew that I couldn’t avoid her any longer. 

Or so I thought. 

When I ran into her right on Monday morning in the hallway, I braced myself for another approach and froze right then and there. A wave of strawberry perfume rushed past me, and that was that. Paralyzed, I stared after Holland walking down the hallway, ignoring me as if nothing ever happened. Once again, I became air to her. 

Oh, how I wished that would’ve counted for other students, too. The glass doors to our school were being pushed open and revealed a handful of our school’s pride and joy: the Thunderbirds. Six soccer players strolled down the hallway, followed by dozens of eyes. And I was in their way. 

“Outta my way, faggot!” Hayden Jeremy bumped into my shoulder on purpose before I could jump to the side. I crashed into one of the dark blue lockers and lowered my burning eyes. 

They didn’t know how much it hurt to get punished for being myself just because that self was not what they considered “normal.” But I’d stopped speaking up a long time ago. My left eye twitched. I already knew how bad it could end. 

When, on Tuesday, Holland also kept her distance, I should’ve considered myself lucky, but instead, my mind kept repeating the scene at Book Den and I was almost certain that our little chat had only occurred in my imagination. 

“Fox! Stop daydreaming and jump already!” 

My PE teacher’s strict voice pulled me back into reality. I growled at Mr. Spencer and hated the way he was just standing there in his blue joggers, arms crossed over his chest and making me of all people the first one to jump. Neither my first nor my last name was at the top of the attendance list, so why did it have to be me?!

Gulping nervously, I faced my archnemesis: the box. Seriously, how on earth was I supposed to jump over a thing that was even taller than myself?! 

When I just kept staring, Mr. Spencer cleared his throat impatiently. 

You can do this, Kenji! I balled my hands into fists and was determined to prove this asshole wrong! Taking a run-up, I was sure I could make it. My feet were flying over the ground, I headed for the springboard and…

I need you!

F*ck. 

Why did I have to remember Holland’s voice now of all moments?!

My right foot slipped when I had just touched the board and I flew face forward against the hard wooden material of my archnemesis. The box pressed all the air out of my lungs right before I fell to the ground croaking like a shot-down animal. Of course, they were laughing; making me want to vaporize right then and there because I knew what was going to come the moment I entered the boys’ changing room. 

“Watch where you’re going!” Hayden pushed me against Jack, Jack tugged at my clothes and basically threw me to the head of their gang. Taking a fistful of my jet-black hair, Drake pulled my head back, his smile was evil. It was always evil. “What’s it gonna be today, faggot? Heads or tails?” 

No matter how he decided, it would be cruel, so I didn’t reply. 

Drake narrowed his eyes. “Well, I’m in the mood for head.” Brutally, Drake pulled my mouth wide open, my jaws ached but that wasn’t the end to it. Without hesitation, he spat his slimy chewing gum right into my mouth. I choked when he let me fall to the ground, desperately trying to spit that gum out while one of them kicked my side. 

It went on. 

And on. 

And on.  

And after all other boys had left the changing room a long time ago, I was still there, leaning over the toilet throwing up the remainder of my lunch. If hell had been a place on earth, it was this changing room. 

For a second, I closed my eyes, reminding myself that this was my last year at this school. One more year and I’d be free. 

When I finally left the sports hall and stumbled right into Seattle’s rainy weather, I had countless bruises and winced when placing the weight on my left leg, which had taken most of their kicks. I already knew that I would be heading to Book Den even though I was not on schedule today. I didn’t know that Holland would be waiting there for me; again, asking me to help her, which I would refuse. And I didn’t know that Matt would pat my shoulder telling me that she’d eventually give up, which she didn’t. The only thing I knew was that I could simply not risk mom seeing my bruised body and had to wait until she left for work. 

But what I could mostly not predict was what would happen when I tried walking down the steep stairs in front of the sports hall. The first step hurt the most but I’d almost reached the school grounds in front of the outdoor sports field when my ankle gave in. 

“Watch out!” 

Instead of adding more bruises to my black and blue body as I’d expected, I fell against a tall body, getting caught by unexpectedly gentle arms. “I’m so sorry!” I exclaimed when looking up to my savior and froze. Gentle grey eyes were regarding me with worry from a handsome sun-kissed face. His auburn hair was drenched from the rain, but he didn’t seem to care. Why did it have to be him? Why now? 

Distressed, I tried to take a step back from him but yelped as soon as I tried to use my left leg.

“Hey, careful.” Before I realized what was going on, he had already put my arm around his broad shoulder and helped me walk to one of the benches next to the sports ground. With that worried look still on his face, he kneeled in front of me and placed my foot on his thigh. 

“Your pants will get dirty,” I muttered while trying not to stare at the three silver rings in his left ear. 

He shrugged. Carefully lifting my jeans, he hissed when the bruised flesh of my ankle came into sight. “You need to put ice on it. I’ll take you to the nurse’s office.”

“No!” I exclaimed a tad too loudly and his head shot up in surprise. “I…I mean…” I lowered my gaze so I didn’t have to look at him. “It’s okay. I’ll just go home.” 

I didn’t have to see it to know that he was frowning. “You sure? That looks painful.”

It was. But if his boys saw us here together, it would end up even more painful. 

“I’m sure,” I mumbled and got up as carefully as possible. My leg hurt but I bit down the pain when I turned away. “Thanks.” 

I managed to make only a couple of steps when he called after me again. Gulping, I turned my body halfway towards him. “Hmm?”

“Um…” There was a shy smile on his face, and if anything, that smile hurt the most. “I’m Clay.” 

I nodded, quietly whispering to myself. “I know.” 

Chapter 1 - End