I dreamed that I’m on a flat reflective sea. I was looking for something, but I don’t seem to find it. Then a shadow creeps up behind me, the sea becomes a glass surface and underneath was hundred and millions of polaroids and film strip of my memory. The shadow comes up to me, it’s Ko Ying. With a very suspicious grin on his face, it feels like he's mocking me. A bright light sparks thru and Lilith is in front of me peeking a gentle smile. Would it be okay if I stroke her hair? Would It be right if we stay this way? I want to stay this way, we had history but then it wasn’t close to how I feel now.
“Sis! Sis! Oi wake up you lazy pig!” Ah yes, top of the lung screeching is just what I need in the morning. “Fuc/ off” I mumble beneath the cover. At that moment I should have jumped out of the window and just run, but how we’re here the present and not my imagination. My brother jumps on to me a start pulling my hair and non-stop yelling “Family meeting at the main house and bringing dad home is today now giddy-up and get change we need to go now!!” Speak of the devil that I don’t want to meet, life’s cruel. I get change into this tux skirt, breakfast with mother and brother, and the main house we go.
My family is a little odd well to me. This family holds one of the largest merge companies that have ties to our government for short my family pretty f up. We reach the main house, this large mansion surrounded by trees but it’s still somewhere in the city, I don’t come here often only four times a year. Going of the car makes me feel uneasy and this is the first time in this year I will see my god-forsaken father since that time. I walk around back to the courtyard; at that spot, you can get that sweet 5G sit, Joseph.
I call out “Hey” he nods back and wave.
“How was it with Ko Ying” he so kindly asks.
“Did you know”
“Know what? I was asking how was it going with Ko Ying.”
“It is fine, er you don’t know.”
“Whatever it is I don’t care, I’m just saying that Ko Ying seem a little SUS”
Oh, dear Joseph if you knew what was more suspicious of what that guy was. Now thinking of it he flat called me a Homo like what is that? I did feel a little sad when she said that date was specially set up to trap him. He looks a little like me but has a way worse personality than me. What does Lilith see in him? Not that, I need to clear out what we are.
“Jo, what do you think me and Lilith's relationship are?”
“Two friends, um, very close one?”
“Are we? I don’t think that is how peoplr-”
He cut me off “When the hell do you care about what people see?”
“No, it’s I’m kind of confused about something”
“What’s there to be confused about what giant fuss is going on your head”
“It's just a… …”
I can’t say it I, can’t speak up what will he say and other people would love spread the worse of worse news around, what would grand uncle do to father if they herd, I have to think so much around here. I need to get out if I want to ask.
“This seems to revolve around your sexuality, so you have strong bi energy”
“Bi energy?”
“Bi-yourself if you keep thinking this kind of things, she clearly just a friend, you take things too deep and make all this stuff that’s not true and make yourself confused. It not been long since that happened so that unruly man was sent here. Look at me! Your worldview is a mess and we’re just thirteen. Stop messing with your straight path.”
I want to cry, but for what? Joseph is here for me? Lilith is just a friend? Is Ko Ying right about me? I have so much to ask and talk and I want to know everything that I can. Joseph really is an old man in a child body and that’s sadder.
“Is that what I really am?”
“Of course, come here.” We hug it out probably only comforting me.
“You’re going to meet your father again are you ok with it? I have rearranged the seat for us to sit closer.”
“I’m fine, maybe. Thanks anyway. Why aren’t you closer to me outside this mansion.”
“Well, you … …”
And we chatted for another hour or two till the meeting lunch started. Meaningless small talk made me remember how we are a little pond for adults to push around. Still, that’s not important to me, for now, I just need to stay straight.
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