In memory of my Uncle Rick

“Come on, Tweesty! I promeese I won’t tell anyone!”

“No, no, no, a million times no!”

Twist had a “secret card” she kept in her wallet with her lunch money, and AJ, who was an “overly curious” (read: nosy) girl, desperately wanted to see it.

“Best friends don’t keep secrets, Tweesty!” AJ begged, grabbing her friend around the middle and shaking her like a doll. “You’ve GOTTA tell me! Si’l vous plait, si’l vous plait, si’l vous plait!”

But Twist still wouldn’t budge: “Having a best friend doesn’t mean you have to spill your guts on everything. Some things are ‘per-sawn-al’.”

“W-Well, what eef I told you some of MY secrets?” AJ bargained.

Twist raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”

AJ wracked her brains for a hot minute. “I’m a tomboy, but my favorite color eez pink.”

Twist let out a semi-mocking scoff as she pushed her friend off her. “That’s not a secret, Angie, that’s common knowledge. Try again.”

The silly girl did so: “I’m allergic to dandelions?”

Twist shook her head. “You told me during last year’s science fair, remember? F-!”

Many, many secret failures later…

“Angie, I love you to death and all,” Twist said with a face-palm. “But, in all honesty, you SUCK at lying and keeping secrets. You’re just too…‘faitstroward’ with your feelings.”

“N-No I’m not!” AJ sputtered, trying and failing to hide her upsetness. “I can totally ‘ide ‘ow I’m feeling, see?”

But her lower lip was pouting, instantly disproving her point.

Twist sighed and turned away from her ditzy friend. “I’m sorry, Angie, but this is MY secret and you’re just gonna have to respect it.”

AJ’s response was so soft Twist almost had to strain to hear it: “No, I’m ze one ‘oo’s sorry, Tweesty.”

“Sorry for whaaAAAAAHHH!” Twist was cut off by AJ, her own best friend, flipping her dress up.

Blushing, the scar-cheeked girl scrambled to cover herself back up. The only thing more embarrassing than her secret card would be someone finding out her other secret: that being that she, an eight-year-old adventurer, still liked Smiley Bears.

“Look, Angie, I-I swear, it’s just--” Twist spluttered, her face still cherry-red as she smoothed her dress back down so it covered her feet like normal. “M-Mother puts it on for Pepsy and Pizza on Saturday mornings so I--oh, thank goodness, AJ’s not here.”

However, Twist’s relief quickly turned back to red-faced embarrassment/rage (“embarra-rage”?) once she realized AJ had taken her wallet.

“AJ, YOU ‘STAKKERBRAINED’ LITTLE--”

20 seconds later, on the playground…

Giggling, AJ was just about to take a peek in Twist’s wallet when Twist arrived and tried to snatch said wallet back.

“Give it back, Angie!” the scar-cheeked girl demanded, tugging her wallet her way. “It’s MY secret to keep and YOURS to never find out!”

“But Tweesty!” AJ cried, tugging the wallet her way. “I ‘AVE to know or I’ll die of curiosity-itis!”

“Stop making up dumb diseases and LET GO!”

And, one round of tug-of-war later...PLOOF! AJ tugged too hard and Twist fell face-first into the sand surrounding the playground.

Alarmed, AJ dropped the wallet and speed-crawled over to her face-planted friend.

“Oh mon pineapple! Are you alright, Tweesty!?”

All Twist had to do to answer was lift her head up off the ground. Her whole face and some strands of her hair were caked in sand and tears. Her expression was akin to someone who’d just had her heart ripped in half.

“It’s MY secret, Angie!” the scar-cheeked sobbed, hugging her knees. “Why can’t you just respect that!?”

Twist’s words slammed AJ with so much guilt that she immediately slid the wallet over to Twist.

Twist took her wallet and said, still sobbing, “As of right now, Angie, our friendship is OVER!”

AJ sniffed. “Really?”

“Nah, you can see my secret card if you really want to.” Twist took her card out of her wallet and handed it to AJ.

“Oh, boy!” AJ took the card and stared at it eagerly before she remembered she couldn’t read. “What’s eet say?”

Patiently, Twist held the card so both she and her silly friend could see it and read out loud:

AJ was bewildered. “Your ‘secret card’ zees ‘ole time was your library card?”

“Yep,” Twist beamed, showing off her shiny braces. “Daddy got tired of me always borrowing his library card, so he got me my own. I was keeping it a secret because I wanted to surprise you with the Larry’s Lagoon movie I’d just rented for the weekend.”

Larry’s Lagoon was AJ and Twist’s favorite TV show, so you could bet your behind AJ was excited.

Then, the bell rang, and the now-made-up friends walked, hand-in-hand, back to their classroom in the portables.

But little did AJ know Twist’s real secret card was still tucked securely in her wallet, bearing the heart-encircled name and picture of Ricki Richards, AJ’s former kiddie crush and Twist’s current.

After both girls had sat down at their desks in the second row from the whiteboard, Twist snuck a peek at her real card.

Ricki’s hair was black, sleek, and shiny. His eyes were pools of mud, and when he smiled Twist saw he had braces, just like she did.

Twist found herself feeling increasingly grateful AJ couldn’t read minds, because whenever the scar-cheeked girl saw Ricki during recess or assemblies she’d daydream about becoming his “Princess”, the "Julio" to his "Romiet".

Groaning, Twist slipped her secret card back into her wallet and face-desked.

“I’m doomed,” she mumbled into the mahogany.

~The end!~