“Why go back at all? It’s pretty up here.” June queried, leaning on Mercury’s shoulder.
Mercury looked a little lovesick as she leaned her head on his shoulder. He kept his hands to himself, refusing to touch her. He nevertheless couldn’t stop his hands from trembling when he thought about touching her. “We have to go back eventually. This place is hard for my mind to conceive, and I can’t imagine it forever.”
“I thought this was real as well?” June was baffled.
“It is when I can imagine it...” Mercury looked down sadly. “I can’t keep that gene at bay forever. I have to come back to the reality everyone acknowledges eventually. And that reality includes that gene.” Mercury closed his eyes bitterly.
The ray of hope presented to her by him was snatched away in an instant when he told her that he had to come back to reality eventually. She tried not to cry. “I thought you could save me... I thought you could teach me how to keep this disorder at bay.”
“I’m sorry… maybe, if we can consistently retreat to these soul states, we can put off the manifestation indefinitely, but I don't know.” Mercury murmured with a shrug.
“How long can we stay here?” June asked.
“A few more minutes…” Mercury pulled his knees up to his chest and let his arms dangle at his sides.
Despite her disappointment in the fact that Mercury did not have the answer to getting rid of her disorder, June realized this was still an opportunity for something else she wanted; making him love her. She couldn’t remember how to make a man love her—but she did remember how to make a man make love to her. She had confused them in her mind. Maybe one could lead to the other.
June sat in his lap, gripping his hips with her thighs.
Mercury’s hands lingered near her hips, trembling.
He pushed her off of him and backed away from her. She looked offended. She reached out for him, and he seized her wrist. “I told you to take care of that body. You know... here... you don't have to give up those parts of yourself."
She didn’t know how he could resist her. Perhaps he hated her--perhaps he knew that she slept around. June stood upm scowling. “Do you think I do this with every man? What makes you think I don’t like giving into those parts of myself now and again? I’m a human—I have human desires like anyone else! What are you? Some kind of puritan who has no desire to be touched or made love to? Some kind of---kind of piece of stone who has no need for such pleasure?”
Mercury made a face. “You think it’s easy for me to keep my hands off of women? I could go crazy just thinking about them. But I don’t want to get close to someone—because of the gene. You’re the only girl I ever kissed.”
The fact that he had only kissed her made her feel special, and she forgot her anger. “I’m the only girl…?” she repeatd. "Why?"
“Because I think about hurting others all the time. There are times when I feel nothing at all, and I just… I just want to hurt someone so I can feel something.” Mercury admitted
June was losing him; she knew he was going to suggest that they never see each other again.
She placed a hand on his cheek. “Don’t tell me to go. I’ve been hurt by men before. I’m sure you can’t hurt me anymore than any of them…”
“June…” Mercury let her kiss his neck for a moment, biting back a moan. He could barely resist her, but then, he gripped her shoulders tightly and held her still, choosing cruel words to get her to leave him alone. “June, you’re fucked in the head. You think it’s okay for any man to just have his way with you and then leave you? I shouldn’t care about your body more than you do!”
June’s eyes were red, but she didn’t cry. She had been crying too much lately. “I know I’m fucked in the head! I know no one will ever find any value in me other than brief pleasure! But… I saw something when I looked into your eyes. You knew who I was, didn’t you? You knew I was a spoiled, impulsive rich girl who would end up addicted to sex and drugs! I always thought--know, I knew you could save me! I know you can now, too!” June threw herself on all-fours, begging him for help. “I can’t live one more day with these thoughts. You have to show me how you changed my soul to allow me to see this--to keep us safe from reality!”
Mercury hauled her to a sitting position. Her green eyes were looking into his searchingly. Her cheeks were stained with dirt even though there was no dirt in this place--she must have imagined it. She must have thought dirt was what she deserved.
Mercury breathed harshly as she stared at him unblinkingly. He dragged his thumbs across her dirty cheeks. He thought she was very pretty. He always had. He loved her curly hair, he loved her dark skin tone, and he loved how tiny she was. He knew very little about borderlines—he just knew they were promiscuous and had few lasting relationships, and he found that to be repulsive—but right now, listening to her talk and looking into her eyes, he understood her better. This was a hurt and broken woman, just like he was a hurt and broken man, and she deserved his compassion. “We have to go back now…”
"You have to go on a date with me." June demanded.
Mercury chuckled. "God, I want to."
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