I gave my relationship with Lars a lot of thought and finally made the decision to ask Lars if he was willing to give our relationship another go. It was a risky move, but I really loved this man, so I was willing to give things a second go. He was excited that I was willing to give it another chance, and happily agreed.  So, we went back to how it was before.  Surprisingly, things were going very well!  Lars's mood was improving each day, and he seemed to be doing loads better mentally.  He was able to cut down on the drinking and smoking quite a bit which led to less mood swings.  I was very happy for him and supported him in the process of getting better.  I guess he just needed a good kick in the arse.

  Diane was happy to hear that our relationship was going better than the first attempt.  Unfortunately, she still had her worries. From her point of view, there was something still quite off about Lars.  But despite her feelings, she didn't push her opinions on me too much.

  Weeks later, we were going strong.  I was super happy about that.  I was scared that things would go back to the awful way they were previously within a week or two. Thankfully that wasn’t the case. I had the old Lars back, and I couldn't ask for anything more.  We were getting along like we first met, and life seemed to be back to how it was before things fell apart.  

  -

It was the holiday season, so crowds and rushes were picking up which made it a bit more stressful.  I wasn’t one for the rush of the holidays.  The traffic and large crowds of people made me anxious.  Especially with how everyone drove like a bloody idiot, causing me some close calls on the road.

  I was on the prowl for Christmas presents.  I had one for Lars already, so I just needed something for Dad, Kevin, Diane, and her siblings.  I usually spent Christmas with Diane’s family. In the past couple years, it had become tradition for my Dad and I to join Diane’s family for holiday dinners.  When we were younger, Diane would go visit her grandparents with her family after opening gifts, but over the last couple years things changed and we would all meet up to celebrate at Diane’s fathers place.  This year I planned on staying at her place for two weeks so we could spend the days together instead of having to drive back and forth. I told Lars about our tradition, and he didn’t seem too excited.  He still hadn’t met Diane, and he didn’t really seem to want to.

  “I don’t see why we can’t just do Christmas together.”  Lars frowned after I told him about spending Christmas with Diane’s family.  “Just the two of us?”

  “If you don’t want to go, then don’t.”  I said.  “I’m not forcing you.  But I’m still going.  Diane’s family is like my family.”

  “So where do I fit?” 

  “Well, you’re family too-”

  “So why don’t we spend Christmas together?”  Lars said.

  “Because I want to be with Diane and her family.”  I stated firmly.  “It’s tradition.”

  “Alright, fine.”  Lars growled as he got up and left.  He wasn’t too happy about the whole thing.  I still wasn’t sure if he was going or not, but I wasn’t about to bring it up again.  Not until we were closer to Christmas.  Unfortunately, time flew by, and that time came a lot quicker than I thought.

  The week of Christmas came along, and it was getting to be time to go down to Diane’s.  I was really looking forward to it, but still didn’t know if Lars was coming.  I would’ve loved it if he would come.  He still never met Diane, and I thought it would be a good time if we all spent time together.

  “Hey.”  I said as I got home from my final day of work for the holidays.  Lars was sitting on the couch watching TV.  He saw me and flicked off the TV as I went and sat next to him.

  “Hey babe.”  He wrapped his arm around me and kissed my cheek.  “Excited to be off for the holidays?”

  “Oh yea.”  I laughed.  “Work was hectic.  I hate the holiday rush.”

  “Speaking of the holidays.”  He said.  “What are you doing for them?  Still going to Diane’s?”

  “Duh.”  I said.  “You coming?”

  “Uh, I don’t know.”  Lars sighed.  

  “C’mon.”  I pushed.  “I know you want to.”

  “I think I’m good.”  Lars said.  “I don’t get the holidays off like you do, so I still have quite a bit of work to do.”

  “Alright.”  I sighed.  I wasn’t going to push my luck.  “I’m going to get packed and then I’m leaving for the holidays.  I’ll call and say hi on days you got off, ok?”

  “Sounds good to me.”  Lars smiled.  I got up, kissed his forehead, and then went to go pack my stuff.  I packed a small suitcase and then headed out the door.

  When I got to Diane’s, she was super excited to see me.  It was always exciting to see each other in person despite calling almost every day and seeing each other every saturday. 

  “It’s good to see you again.”  Diane smiled after hugging me.  “Where’s Lars??  Is he coming?”

  “Er, no.”  I sighed.  “He’s got a lot of work to do and couldn’t make it.”

  “Ah.  That sucks.”  Diane frowned.  “Well, it is what it is.  How about we get your stuff put away and then we can put up the tree?”

  “Sure.”  I smiled.

  Diane helped me put my stuff in the spare room they had, and then we went to set up the tree.  Kevin had already put it up, so we just had to decorate it.  Diane pulled out the box with all the ornaments and lights and got to it.

  “Wouldn't trust Kevin with these.”  Diane laughed as she tried untangling the lights.  “He would be on the ground, tied up in them within seconds.”

  “No doubt.”  I giggled.  

  “I can hear you, you know!”  Kevin called out from the kitchen.  He was busy getting some last minute work done.  He worked for a publishing company, so he usually had some writing pieces to fix up.  It was probably a good thing he wasn’t helping with the tree anyway.  Like Diane said, he would’ve somehow gotten tangled in the lights.  The man was a bit of a clutz.

  “Love you!”  Diane giggled.  

  “Love you too.”

  “D'aww aren’t you two so cute.”  I grinned at Diane.  Her face went bright red from blushing.

  “Oh shush.”  She said, quickly trying to hide her blush. “I bet you and Lars act the same.”

  “Not really. We aren’t all lovey dovey like you two.”

  “We aren’t lovey dovey!”  

  “Mhm.  Sure you’re not.”  I smirked.  

  “Is that why you didn’t bring Lars?  So I couldn’t tease you?”

  “Nah, he was just busy and couldn’t come.”  I said.  

  Diane frowned.  “Are you sure that's the reason?”

  “Hm?  What do you mean?”

  “Well, it’s just, he seems kinda, well, strange.”  Diane said.  “He starts getting mean enough I could almost call it abusive, and then suddenly he’s all nice and happy again?  It just doesn’t sound right.”

  “He’s not abusive.”  I frowned. “He just has some issues and sometimes he falls back.”

  “You don’t find it the slightest bit odd that he’s like that???”

  “No.  I’m not talking about this.”

  “I just want you to be safe Robin.”  Diane sighed. “I don’t want to see you end up hurt.”

  “I’m not going to get hurt.” I stated. “If I notice he starts getting pissy again, I’ll end it. I know my limits.”

  And that was the end of it.  I told Diane not to bring it up again, and she didn’t.  I wasn’t letting her talk bad about Lars.  So what if he had some issues?  It didn’t make him a bad person!!

  Staying the week at Diane’s was a bit more tense than usual.  She was worried about Lars and I, and I was worried about her because I noticed how she was starting to fall back into old habits.  I had to watch out for her so there wouldn’t be another relapse.  She had been doing so well with not relapsing, and I didn’t want her streak to stop. The last relapse she had was over 3 years ago and it was a minor one thankfully.  Luckily I caught on and kept a solid eye on Diane.  Kevin now knew about her disorder as well, and seemed to be on her back about taking care of herself like I was. We were always going to be right there whenever she slipped up.

  Shortly after I showed up, Kevin’s family came over as well. He had a younger sister named Daisy, and his parents Thomas and Emilia. Every year since Kevin moved to Toronto, Daisy would come to visit Kevin from Belgium for the week of Christmas.  However, recently his parents started joining in on this.  His parents were pretty okay, although his mother was a bit of a strange one.  She was overly cranky and could be a tad rude. From what I heard, it was a bit tense for Kevin to be around his family.  Diane said they had an ok relationship, but it wasn’t anything like we had with our parents.  

  Due to Kevin’s family visiting often now, Diane and Kevin cleaned up the extra room they had in the house that was used for storing stuff.  They had two spare rooms, one they set up as a guest room already, and the other they just cleaned out and set up.  I got the original guest room, while Kevin’s parents got the second.  Poor Daisy drew the short end of the stick and got the couch.

  Christmas Day came along and I was happy to celebrate with everyone.  I tried calling Lars but I got no answer. So I left him a Merry Christmas text instead. I was just about to get up when I heard someone come into my room.  Right as I turned around, Dad came out of nowhere and jumped onto me.  He scared the bajeesus outta me, but it was a good surprise to wake up to.  I hadn’t been able to see him much because we were both busy and I missed the bloke.  We were super close and I loved being around him. Sadly, it wasn’t often I got to hang out with him. He worked a lot, and didn’t seem to be retiring anytime soon.

  We all had a big family breakfast before going to open our gifts.  I was particularly excited to see Diane open her gift because I knew she would love it.  

  “C’mon!” I said excitedly. “Open it!!”

  Diane laughed as she ripped open her gift.  Her eyes lit up when she saw a new mug.  Diane was a huge coffee drinker, and I accidentally broke her mug last month.  So I got her a new one.  Only with a twist.

  “A day without coffee is like… Just kidding, I have no idea.” Diane read the mug design and everyone giggled.  Diane laughed so hard she snorted.  We both knew how true it was.  She never went a day without at least 2 cups of coffee.

  “I love it.” Diane laughed. “Thanks Robin. You know me too well.”

  I gave her a goofy smile.  Diane handed me her gift to me with a smile.  It was a fairly big gift.

  “Geez what did you get me?” I laughed as I opened it up. I cracked the box open and saw a bunch of clothing in the box.  I pulled out 3 different shirts, all with cartoony designs on them.  I wore a lot of shirts with funky designs, so of course I loved them.  

  “Oh these are really cool!” I said while checking out the designs. “I can pair em with that new long sleeve I got when we were out shopping!”

  “Do you ever wear short sleeves?” Kevin joked. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear a short sleeve!”

  “Oh, uh…” I gave him an awkward look. Normally I didn’t wear short sleeves around people.  The only exception was Diane and Dad. Anyone who would’ve seen my arms would know why I didn’t wear short sleeves that often.  I would occasionally wear short sleeves in the summer, but I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t have to.  I used to when I was younger, but after years of dealing with self harm issues and depression, my arms, thighs and oddly enough, ankles, were pretty messed up.  It wouldn’t have bothered me if people didn’t point it out, but nobody could seem to keep their mouth shut when I did have them on display, so I just learned to feel more comfortable with hiding them.  It was something I was working on, and slowly, I was getting more comfortable with accepting the scars.  

  “I got some messed up arms.” I said awkwardly to Kevin. I caught his parents giving me a funny look. They probably didn’t get it.  Dad looked ready to butt in just in case someone said anything else about it.  He knew how insecure I was about them.

  “Huh- OH.” He seemed to have clued in. “Sorry for asking.”

  “It’s alright.” I laughed. “But anyway, thanks for the shirts Diane.”

  She nodded. We opened the rest of our gifts and everyone seemed quite happy with what they were gifted.  They were simple things, but they were things that meant something to us.  The best part was when Daisy gave Kevin her gift.  It was a pretty big gift, so we were all curious as to what it was.  Kevin ripped it open and his face lit up.  Diane took a peak inside and immediately shot Daisy a death glare.  

  “Can I help you with something?” Daisy replied innocently.  She obviously knew what she did. Diane just kept glaring at her while Kevin pulled out the contents of the box.

  “Is that an entire box of just candy bars?” Dad asked with a chuckle. 

  “You bet it is!” Kevin smiled.  

  “All for his stash.” Daisy smirked at Diane. “The stash that Diane loves.”

  “Don’t you dislike chocolate, dear?” Thomas asked Diane.

  “I do.” Diane growled while still giving Daisy a glare.  Daisy was loving all of this and gave her an innocent smile back.  Kevin rummaged through the box to see what assortment of chocolates he got.  He looked quite pleased with all of them.  He pulled out one that was wrapped up and had a little note on it.  He smiled to himself before putting it back in the box and sneaking it off to his stash.  Diane practically chased after him.  We could hear her chewing him out for having the stash and how unhealthy it was.  According to Diane, he was on a one way track to diabetes.