Chapter 17

Why was crying on sidewalks becoming a thing for me? As with the last time, it was hard to pinpoint the exact thing that had been the cause of my uncontrollable tears in the first place. My entire body simply froze, being hit with an overwhelming wave of trauma. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. If I could jump out of it for another one right now, I probably would.

At the very least, one thing I could change was my clothes. I wanted to go home so badly. I wreaked of alcohol and sweat. Some of the sweat on me wasn’t even my own. There were still the remnants of that woman…

I felt sick. I wanted to forget everything about tonight, but trauma never worked that way. It replayed the worst moments over and over again in your head as you tried to convince yourself that facing it more should allow you to overcome it. Make you numb to the shock.

I hated this lingering sensation between my legs, right where the stranger had touched me. The memory of her was stuck to me like a piece of gum to the bottom of a shoe. I needed to shower. To wash this dirty feeling off of me. However, my feet refused to walk even an inch off this curb.

It wasn’t like I could get home as I currently was anyway. My wallet along with the rest of my bag was still in the club’s storage compartment. I gulped at the thought of having to get back in there. What if I ran into that woman? I began to cry all over again.

“Yura?” The familiar English voice came as a soft song within the chaos of my thoughts and surroundings. I didn’t think I would ever come to appreciate the way Elsie called my name. It still sent a shiver down my back, but this time it was closer to a cooling breeze against my burning skin.

I blinked a few times to clear the tears from my blurry vision. “Elsie, what are you doing here?”

She momentarily eyed the two foreign friends she had been with. This part of the city was loaded with bars and clubs. Of course, she would have chosen to spend her drinking night out here. Elsie’s friends looked at me for a second before pretending they hadn’t. They resumed whatever English conversation they had been having prior to my discovery.

I buried my face in my hands. I was a mess. An embarrassing mess. I wished I could disappear.

I felt Elsie’s warmth as she sat next to me on the sidewalk. She put an arm around my shoulders. “What happened? Why are you crying?”

I didn’t want to talk to her. And I couldn’t anyway. I lost all strength to let my voice be heard beyond my thoughts. In the end, I only shook my head.

“Yura!” I heard Minji call from the club’s entrance.

Both Elsie and I turned her way.

Minji ran to me. She needed only one look at my face to figure out the cause of my disastrous state. “Oh, my god. Which bitch did this to you?” Her hands were in fists.

“No, it’s not…like that,” I struggled to choke out through my sobbing. The last thing I wanted at the moment was to have more attention drawn to myself.

Elsie’s face was at that fine line between anger and annoyance. I was afraid she was having those feelings towards me. I tried to pull myself away at an attempt to lessen my inconvenience to her, but that only prompted her to tighten the arm she had around me.

“Hey!” Elsie called to her two friends. “You guys go on without me.”

Her friends nodded. One of them, who also had a British accent, said, “Message us later, then!”

After exchanging goodbyes, Elsie’s entire focus was brought to me. She was no longer concerned with receiving an explanation, probably having pieced together the situation herself. Rubbing my arm reassuringly, she said, “Let’s get you home.”

Minji rolled her brain to get out all the English words she knew and asked, “Are you Yura’s roommate?”

“Yes. My name’s Elsie.”

“Hi, Elsie. I’m Minji, Yura’s friend.” She turned to me and switched to Korean. “I’ll get your jacket and bag. Hold up.”

While Minji rushed back into the club to grab my things, Elsie took her phone out to call a taxi. Meanwhile, my useless self stayed huddled up like a snail in the middle of the street, ready to be stepped on or run over at any moment. That was a good enough analogy of how panicked I still was.

“Here you go,” Minji said through heavy breaths upon her quick return.

Elsie took my things from her faster than I could, placing my jacket over me. Helping me to my feet, she said, “We’ll be going, then.”

Minji nodded. “Yeah, thank you. Take her home safely, please.”

The taxi soon came, and I watched Minji wave us goodbye as we headed home. The drive was quiet, but I was grateful for it as I still felt powerless to speak. I caught short glimpses of Elsie seated next to me in the darkness of the car. The orange of the streetlights cast a dark shadow over her face. She was expressionless, which made her seem scarier than usual. I couldn’t shake this foreboding that I was in for a huge scolding once we arrived home.

Fortunately, that scolding never came.

For one, I didn’t give Elsie the chance. The moment we stepped into our apartment, I made a beeline for the bathroom. The need for a shower was too great. I took my time getting washed up, mainly due to all the daydreaming I unknowingly fell into. My brain was trying to process too much at once. My thoughts were on overdrive even though I preferred it not to do anything at all. I shut my eyes and held my breath under the running water, hoping once I stuck my head out, I would awaken from this awful night.

When I finally came out of the bathroom, Elsie was preparing for bed. I hadn’t realized just how long I had been in there. She must have given up on taking a shower herself, just opting for changing clothes and taking off her makeup.

“Are you okay?” she asked, to which I only gave a small nod.

I silently entered my bedroom. The bed felt too large to lie in alone. When I closed my eyes to sleep, the bass of the club music echoed in my ears. When I reopened them, the ambiguity of the dark walls created images out of nothing but the dreadfulness of my memories. I couldn’t get the woman’s face out of my head. It felt like her hands were still there. On my body.

I got out of bed. There was no way I would get any sleep like this.

“Do you need anything?” Elsie asked as soon as I came out of my room. She sat up on her bed and watched me.

I hesitated, unsure whether this was even what I wanted. But then I stared back at the solitude and restlessness waiting for me in my room if I were to say nothing. “Yeah, actually.”

“What is it?”

In a near-whisper, I asked, “Could you, um, sleep next to me tonight?”

Even I knew it was such an odd request, but Elsie placed no judgement on it. Smiling comfortingly, she replied, “Sure, Yura. I’m right here for you.”