„You think I look okay?“

I stood in front of the mirror, tried to focus on fixing Kaami’s button down. My own reflection was completely covered by his body, well, not that I cared about that…

“You look fine, babe”, I muttered. I was absolutely lost in making him look good – flawless.

Gosh! He already looked perfect! Didn’t matter if his collar was completely twisted upside down. On him, everybody would think it was the latest fashion!

In front of my face was his heavy breathing, still half bare chest.

“You nervous?” 

I couldn’t cover a smirk. Despite making fun of him I only tried to cover my own nervousness.

“Fuck you!” His raspy voice changed from talking mode to groan and then back again.

Grinning, I glanced up. My fingers were still on his collar, trying to fix the mess. But when I glanced up, catching his eyes watching me – these beautiful eyes – I completely forgot about my entire hands. Like – I forgot what they were supposed to be for.

Kaami had these beautiful suns in his eyes. His iris split in two parts. Right in the center bright yellow, surrounded by perfect sky-blue.

I loved his eyes! I loved his face, because I could look at them all time.

“No. You fuck me”, I whispered, stood on my tippy-toes and kissed him. “Later. When we come back.” His lips opened as if to say something, but he stayed quiet and leaned into the kiss. I raised my hands, let the collar be, and put them on his neck only to pull him closer.

“Honey, we don’t have time for that.” His lips felt funny on mine while he was talking. Giving me goosebumps all over my body.

“Since when did I fall for you”, I whispered on his lips and finally his nervousness melted, just a little, but he chuckled. “It’s been eight years, babe.” “So long? Damn!”

He gave me a tight hug, then sighed and pulled back.

“I have to fix this and you have to get dressed. You can’t show up only with boxers.” “You don’t think so? Wouldn’t I be an eye-catcher.” I made one step back and posed for him – well, tried to. I had nothing special to offer since my body wasn’t covered with Abs and muscle. But I got him flustered all over his face and he turned away.

“Honey, please-“ “Oh, fuck time”, I tried but the moment was gone. “Honey…”

I hugged him from behind while he started to fix the collar by himself.

Kaami groaned and tried to brush me off his back.

“Nik, we have to get ready like now!” “But you are so warm.” “Babe-“ “Buuut!” “Nikolaj!”

He turned in one smooth move and grabbed my shoulders.

“Nik! We! Have! To! Get! Ready!”

Grinning, I rolled my eyes and leaned forward to kiss him one more time before I got to the bathroom.

“Okay, you win! See you in a sec!” “You have to wash your face”, I could hear him from our bedroom. “I aint no kid anymore”, I yelled back. “I hope so!”

I closed the door after entering the room and stood in front of the sink. While washing my face and chest I looked at my reflection . It had always been a bit strange for me to look at myself properly. Dunno, what Kaami found so special about me when I only could see some kind of a freak in front of my face.

My skin was pale as always – almost white, like my hair. The only thing about my face I really liked were my eyes. People always stared at them as if they were special. Not many people had light blue eyes like I did so I was kind of proud of them. Most of the people who met me for the first time thought I was an albino with contacts. I wasn’t but had always to explain myself like I had done something wrong by looking how I did.

“Babe? You ready?” Kaami’s voice got me back into reality.

“Yeah”, I shouted through the closed door. “Give me a second!” “That’s what I did half an hour ago!” 

I huffed – almost sounded like a dog – and smirked at my reflection. Teasing him was so much fun, though!

Ten seconds later I entered the bedroom – fully washed and hair-styled and everything to look good next to my lover.

“I’m do-“ “Almost. Get dressed!” “Yea-“ “NOW! We’re running late!” “Kaami, this ain’t no fun anymore.” “Exactly!” With his hands in his pockets he watched me getting dressed. Don’t know, but I got the feeling that he enjoyed the show.

“You found what you were looking for”, I glared at him. He nodded, pulled his hands out of his pockets and came closer.

"And now let's go", I heard his voice whisper in my ear. And although I tried not to get turned on, his voice made goosebumps run down my spine. "Yea, you're right. Let's go." I turned away and left him there, sighing in amusement.

"Where do we have to go again?"

"Hun - for the fifth time - to the orphanage." "I know! I meant to which room on which floor in which build-" "Nik! Stop! I'm already nervous as hell. You only make it worse!" Kaami groaned as he turned the wheel and we drove into a small sideroad. To the right and left stood a few parked cars - mostly vans and SUVs - and made the street even smaller.

We made our way through and popped out on the main road again.

"I still don't know why you always take this way", I murmured. " 'cause it's faster." "No, it's not!" "Baaabe!" We both sighed and fell silent.

"I'm nervous as hell, too." 

He didn't respond. I could only see him nod beside me.

The drive wasn't as long as expected. I didn't expect anything of the time. I didn't expect the drive to be extra fast nor surprisingly long either. I just expected nothing.

The orphanage was a grey, huge building that seemed to have been in town for one century, at least. Before the entrance and the parking-space was a even bigger gate. Everything reminded me of my time at university when we learned about the different art epoques of europe. One of the most memorable epoque was the gotic-one. The orphanage was one of the best examples for this era. A tall, slender building with long and narrow windows in the upper floors.

The whole building consisted of grey bricks that made it look like the home of dracula and his whole vampire guild.

We had to halt in front of the gate, 'cause it was closed.

"You think they're gonna turn us?" "What?" Slightly irritated he turned towards me and looked into my eyes. "This thing looks like Dracula's home." He just kept staring at me without any emotional change in his face - then nodded and opened his window.

"How can I help you, sir?" The voice didn't sound human. It sounded like the voice of a robot with bad connections. While talking the voice cracked several times.  "We're here for the family audition today", Kaami responded. He spoke very slow and clear in case the talking machine made some problems on the way back to the person who had talked to us. There was a small break in which I doubted our appointment was set on the right day. "Are you Mr. Saab?" "Yes. We have the appointment at twelve." "Sure, come in." The machine cracked and the door opened the exact second after.

"Wish us luck" he whispered and drove to the parking space and halt next to a Porsche Cayenne. "Let's get this over with! I need coffee!" "Whatever. Hey, babe!" While reaching for the door he turned and looked at me. "Yeah?" I smiled, brushed my thumb over his cheek and leaned over.

"I love you." Kaami leaned even closer. We kissed and I tried to calm down while breathing against his cheek.

"Come on!"

"Hello Sirs. My name is Cheryl. I will guide you through this procedure." Cheryl welcomed us on the doorstep as if she had waited for us for hours. She was small. Her head barely reached my shoulder and she had to look up while talking to us. "Hi", Kaami responded. It was like watching two cartoon characters. Kaami with his body height at 6.4 and Cheryl with her (guessing) 5.1. It looked as if a giant was talking to a dwarft. I grinned and followed them through the hallway into another room.

"Have a seat. The meeting with everyone will start in about ten minutes." She turned to the entire room, filled with couples. "I'll see you in a bit." Her face lit up with a bright smile and then turned around to leave us alone.

"Hello you all." I waved at all the faces that were turned in ourt direction and smiled nervously at the men and women.

While we made a few steps into the room we were followed by their stares. Kaami sat next to a red haired woman in a tight, red dress and red high heels. It didn't look like she was sitting in an orphanage and waiting for a child to foster, but going to a party.

When we were seated, one of the men cleared his throat and leaned a bit forward. 

"Sir, excuse my question, but - are you a couple?" "Yes, why?"

I could almost hear the gasping of the whole room.

"You are gay?"

"Yes, why?"

"WHY?" He raised an eyebrow and straighetened his back. "I have never heard that it was legal for gays to adopt children." "Excuse me?" I shot at him, almost jumped off my seat if Kaami hadn't stopped me immediately. His arm pulled me back into the seat. "It is not", he responded with an extremely calm and cold voice. "Then why are you here", the red haired woman next to him asked. When she turned around the first thing I recognized was her red lipstick. I bet her favorite color was red! "I mean - no offense - you are gay and a couple whom it is forbidden to adopt. I mean you can't be married-" "Of course not, darling." A tall man beside her leaned forward and smiled at me. Why did he smile? This wasn't a very joyful conversation! "It is forbidden to marry for gays and lesbians and the other queers - Sorry." He cleared his throat while his eyes looked from me to Kaami and back.

"That's not a very nice thing to say, sir", I could hear Kaami's voice. I could hear him being tense. He tried hard to control himself and not to kick that bastard's ass.

This whole thing was a bad idea!

Why did we even listen to that woman who had told us we couldn't have a family? Why did we listen to all their lies. This room was filled with people who couldn't have children of their own and still they were such douchebags?

The red haired woman's husband still looked at us as if he was expecting us to answer.

As if!

I'd give a shit about-

"So? Why are you sitting here?"

"You fuck-" "Babe!"

I couldn't react in the moment, Kaami turned towards me and grabbed my shoulders. I could feel his fingers pressed into my skin. It hurt.

For a very small moment we stared at each other - tried to communicate by thoughts and looks, which never worked out, by the way - then he sighed. I understood, nodded and breathed out. It would only make everything harder if I caused a scene. We wouldn't even be able to see the kid they had matched with us.

Stay calm!

Kaami sighed, straightened himself and turned to the man. "We aren't allowed to adopt, because we are not married. But we are allowed to foster. That's all legal. We're doing nothing wrong."

He turned away without waiting for a response.

"Look, even here you can see who's the man and who's the woman in such a relationship", someone whispered. I clenched my teeth. This was even worse than I had expected it to be. When would we be able to leave this room and this building and the citycenter?

We cold never be who we were. We always had to pretend to be best platonic flatmates.

This was sickening! I hated it!

Kaami's body leaned onto my shoulder. Just a bit. But that bit was enough for me to calm down a little. I wanted to reach my hand out to his arm or his hand and hold him tight. But if I did that right now, I would just give these dumb people what they had waited for. A gay couple to fucking hold hands in public.

Half an hour later Kaami and I still sat in that tiny room. There were only a few couples left, because Cheryl took the couples one after the other and led them to the foster-children. Mr. and Mrs. Red - how I had named the couple sitting next to Kaami - had been one of the first ones, Cheryl had taken.

After a few minutes we could hear their voices. They talked to a kid we would never see. Seemed to be a girl, because of the amount of times we heard Mrs. Red say honey in a high and squeaky voice. Then we heard the child laugh and then they were gone. Was this how this thing worked? Go in, take the kid and go out?

Couple after couple got called by Cheryl and took their child.

When Cherly called the last couple - Mr. and Mrs. Broody - Kaami finally put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer. "I'm sorry", his raspy voice whispered in my ear. "It's okay. Forget it. This whole thing is shit", I whispered back. He sighed and kissed my forehead. "Everything is going to be alright."

"Mr. Saab and partner?"

Cheryl's head looked into the room. "Yes?" "We will introduce you to the foster kid, we've matched with you." She smiled at him, then at me and made us follow her.

The way led us through the hallway and to the second floor. Everything looked as if some royal families had lived here for generations and only rich and wealthy people could afford to set a foot inside this building. I felt so wrong in this place!

"Honey, is everything all right?" His voice got me out of my thoughts. I lifted my head. His green eyes locked in with mine. "Yeah. I need to get some coffee and then out of-" "Coffee?" Cheryl's squeaky voice interrupted me. "Why didn't you say so sooner? Let's stop by the vending machine and get you some black awakener" ,she winked.

Cheryl was okay. She was the only person in this whole building who was nice to us and treated us like normal people!

We made a short stop to get some coffee. Cheryl had made us totally understate the word vending machine. The so called vending machine was a whole kitchen with a huge fully automatic coffee machine! "Holy shit! I thought you were talking about a vending machine", my mouth automatically spoke. Cheryl laughed while pressing the button for another coffee. Her hand swiped some red hair out of her face as she looked at us. "You get used to all this very quickly. Everyone else calls this thing a vending machine, so I do, too - though it is not - obviously. But it's nice to fit in. They treat you like you belong here. I like that." I nodded. "So, you don't come from here?" "Obviously. I grew up a few miles from here in a small village. My parents wanted me to become a farmer and continue the family business. I always wanted to go to town, be a hard worker and a rich woman." When she laughed it sounded like snorting. Lovely!

"And now you are a high appreciated secretary."

 "Yes, only without the high appreciated. Come on, Tau is waiting for you." "Tau", Kaami's voice got excited. 

"Nice name."