“Your mother was always a loud and hectic child. I knew she was to be great. She was way ahead of her grade and was always overachieving. More than anything she was happy. At least she seemed happy.
Her and Johnny had been together since they were kids. They were a destined pair. They were what you would imagine a perfect couple would be.
Then one day she seemed different. She wasn’t as happy as she had been. I noticed her distance even though she was there. Johnny had stopped by a couple of times, saying she had missed school. The problem with that was she had gone to school, at least that’s what she told us.
She had been sneaking off. I noticed her door was always closed and many times she wasn’t there. One day I went to follow her. She was sneaking off to see some rogue. Some random wolf that wasn’t a part of our pack. I was waiting for her when she came home. She told me she loved him. She didn’t though. He was just something different, something new. It was why she had such an interest.
I didn’t want her to ruin her future over some random man she didn’t know. I had a meeting with Johnny’s father. I told him everything that I had seen. We both came to the decision that they should be together. We could finalize their bond with one another. We were going to lock them away in their own home, no way to get out of it. Her life would be set up for happiness. She would be happy if she found someone that would love her despite this.
I told her she would never be happy with a random wolf. A wolf with no background. She would constantly live in fear and live a life of misery.
She then told me that she loved him.
She said she didn’t love Johnny.
She loved this random wolf.
She told me that they were going to bond.
Your mom was going to bond with some stranger.
I couldn’t let that happen.
Since the arrangements had already been made, I decided then she needed to live with Johnny. She needed to see what she was trying to throw away.
We did lock them in the house together. We even induced her heat.
We- I thought that once she was bonded she could see.
They didn’t end up bonding. They did share her heat cycle. Which is how you came about. They didn’t bond. Somehow they didn’t bond. She ran away.
Then one day there was a knock on the door. With every fiber in my being I hoped it was your mother but instead it was Johnny holding you in his arms.
He said he wanted nothing to do with a child that wasn’t his. He gave you to us. I vowed to do anything to make you happy since I made your mother so miserable.
I was foolish to think that forcing her into a relationship would make her happy. After all, our destinies are already written for us. She was destined to be with him.
Every day I wish that I could take it back, but at the same time then I wouldn’t have you. Andy. I know that I’ve made many mistakes in my past. I’m a stubborn old man, but I have learned from my mistakes.
You should be happy. You shouldn’t just be with someone because they can provide a life for you. You want to be with someone who will provide happiness. I want you to be happy.
Being with that alpha will not make you happy. I can see it in your eyes.
Andy, I understand that I can only apologize for what I’ve done. I can’t go back and change the past. I’m glad that I was able to have you as a grandson. I love you with the whole heart inside of me. More than anything I want you to be happy. I want you to live a fulfilling life.
I’m so sorry.” As soon as the last words left his lips the machines started beeping. Almost as if everything slowed down. He was dead.
I could feel the doctor as they tried to tell me. I knew. He was gone. Gramps was dead.
My family was dead. I had no one.
I had nothing.
I had no purpose. I had no reason to continue living.
I found myself at home.
Alone.
Again.
I had no one. The words rang in my head.
I sat at the table in front of me. A bottle of pills. If I ended it all now, what would the consequence be?
Then I see his face in my mind.
Even though the brothers look identical, I know which one I want to be with. I had made my move, and clearly he was so repulsed he hasn’t been able to look at me since.
Even if I could suck it up with Hunter- He doesn’t love me. Even today we were supposed to be on a date and he left me. He didn’t even give me a thought before he abandoned me. He didn’t say a word.
That’s how much I meant to him.
Nothing.
I was nothing.
--
!!! TRIGGER WARNING!!!
!!! DEPICTIONS OF SUICIDE!!!
Sometimes we go on autopilot. Do you ever just black out? You have no memory of how you got where you are. I sit on my knees.
Staring.
No words come out of my mouth.
A bottle of pills lies in front of me.
I try to think of a reason to stay.
All I can think about are the reasons to leave.
I live in a home as an outcast. I don’t belong in this world. A male omega who’s not meant to experience love. I only know the break. The pain of unrequited love.
All of my life this is the only type of love I’ve ever had.
My grandparents didn’t even want to take me. They only took me because the alpha bestowed me onto them. I was nothing but a burden to everyone around me.
I just don’t see anything.
It would be better if I was gone.
I closed my eyes.
I reached in front of me and popped the bottle open. I felt the rattle of the pills. They were so light and yet felt so heavy. I set the bottle down in front of me and continued to stare.
I didn’t want to die.
Something was tying me down. Something was holding me back, but what?
Wolf
My one friend. If I died, who would he have?
The image of him looking so sincere, when he told me he cared about me. This image was permanently etched into my brain. Even though I wanted more with him, I had to respect his feelings.
If I were to leave-
I love him.
Even if he doesn’t love me back I have to be here for him. My ears began to ring. My body was still numb. In a daze he stands in front of me. Was I so exhausted I was hallucinating him? Was I so desperate for him that I couldn’t help but picture him here.
Suddenly he was shaking me violently.
He was real.
My brain finally picked up what he was asking. “How many did you take?” His voice was filled with panic.
“Andy! Please!” His voice was raw. I snapped out of my daze and looked at him. I stared into those green eyes. Those beautiful green eyes. The dam holding everything back broke. The swell of emotions crashed like a tsunami.
“You bitch!” I pounded his chest. “It’s your fault. I couldn’t do it because of you!”
“What?”
“I- I couldn’t kill myself because I saw your face in my brain. I’m so mad at you.” You could see the relief wash over him.
I couldn’t helo but hit his chest as he tried to pull me in.
“No. It’s your fault. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be alive. I shouldn’t-” I choked on the sob. He pulled back and began to wipe my tears.
“I was going to kill myself. I had no reason not to. No reason until I met you. Then all I could see was your face in my mind. I love you. You’re the only person in this world who cares for me. I want you, but you don’t want me, and I guess that’s ok. When you love someone you want what’s best for them. I understand that you don’t-”
“Andy. I love you.”
“Ya I know. You love me as a friend.”
“No, I love you as my everything.” I looked at his face searching for the joke. His face remained serious.
“That doesn’t make sense. I kissed you and you ran away. You literally can’t look me in the eye. This is the first time you’ve talked to me in forever. I thought you hated me. I-”
“Andy, you are my whole world. You are my reason for living. When you kissed me, it was like all of my dreams coming true. The problem was I didn’t think you meant it. You had so much going on I thought it was the swell of emotions.”
“THen why did you completely avoid me instead of trying to talk to me?!”
“Because when you kissed me like that I suddenly wasn’t able to control myself. If I genuinely saw you I would’ve jumped you. All I want is to make you mine. I know that you said you want to go slow. You don’t want to be forced into anything. I didn’t want to force you into anything but- I had to try not to mark you and force you into a bond with me. I didn’t want you to be trapped with me. ”His eyes almost seemed to darken.
This didn’t seem real. After learning the truth of my life.
I can’t help but think of everything that landed me here.
Souls are destined for their other piece. Right here before me was my other half. The one person who knows how to make me smile even when I am miserable.
I grabbed his hands. We sat face to face. Our knees touched and now our hands. I looked into his eyes.
“From this moment on. I swear my soul to you and only you. I bond myself to you for my heart belongs to you. The only person who’s only cared genuinely for me.”I touched our foreheads.
“Andy, I don’t think you know what you’re promising. I just told you I almost mated you. I-”
“I swear my soul to you for eternity. I’m yours.” As soon as those words left my lips, his lips crashed into mine. A desperate need.
It was as if he was breathing life into me. I could feel warmth throughout my body. Anywhere his hands touch ignited in its own firework show. An explosion of desire. I wanted to be with him. I had a man who wanted me for me. He didn’t care about any of my flaws.
In the fiery passion we both reached for each other. When our lips connected an electricity flowed. Somehow it was slow, as if we both were unsure if it was real.
His lips moved to my neck. As he sucked softly I couldn’t stop the sounds that escaped. I had never felt this amount of pleasure. He was the only one that could make me react this way. He pulled away and I whimpered. Desperate for more.
“Andy- If we don’t stop now- I don’t know how far-”With a deep breath I managed the words. “I’m yours.”
His eyes darkened once more. His mouth moved to my neck and instead of lips I could feel his canines. Sharp teeth pierced my skin.
It seared. I screamed in pain.
It was the worst pain I had ever felt.
The pain then turned to pleasure. He licked the mark. Then placed a warm kiss. His lips left the mark only to trail kisses further and further down. I could feel the tightening in my groin in anticipation. The warmth I felt on my body was like nothing I had ever felt before.
I was his.
I belonged to him.
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