“Briar, marry me.”
The taste of blood was still present in his mouth, metallic and disgusting. What was even more evident in its pungent flavor was how similar it is to saltwater. A sign that he was dying, the light flickering as the wind howls. Briar knew Castriel tasted it when they shared a kiss even if the other wouldn’t admit it aloud. The concerned look he sported was enough proof he did. A foreshadowing of the fate they both may come to know if the sorcerer marries him. Those who marry the children of the sea always carry an ill fate to them—just like what happened to his mother. Even if it wasn’t proven that the curse of the merfolk extended to those who owned their hearts, he was too afraid to know. And as much as Briar wanted to say yes to such a request for the sake of living, he didn’t know Castriel enough to do so.
He doesn’t love Castriel.
“No, you can’t marry me.” The blunt response was enough to shake any pride the sorcerer had, as it did with the other suitors who were reckless enough to ask for his hand at an early period of their courtship. Briar couldn’t understand why they even bother when they barely knew each other. However, he could share the sentiment of never appearing again when they promised to see each other once more after such a rejection. A trophy they couldn’t display on their wooden shelves for them to brag about or hold. Briar figured it was all right when rumors of his cold heart fly from loose lips, branding him as an unattainable person when they couldn’t even make a decent conversation. However, he didn’t like how they blame Icarus for their shortcomings. So, when Castriel remained speechless, Briar started to explain. “You see, we don’t know each other well enough to be married. I don’t want to regret anything, and neither do I want you to. My situation is as complicated as it is—”
“It’s because of Icarus Lir, isn’t it?”
Y-you knew? How? Briar wanted to ask him, flinching visibly at the name. He wanted to ask Castriel how he found out and when, but he stopped himself. Icarus and his love were not something he wanted to hide. It was not embarrassing or shameful to admit it, yet it still made him swallow hard for the sorcerer knew all this and decided to continue their courtship.
Catching the confusion that flashed in the young master’s eyes, the sorcerer cleared his throat. “I didn’t know until the rumors reached me. Believe me. I was pretty astounded and I didn’t want to take their words for the truth. I knew you so I wanted to hear the truth from your own lips… So, tell me… Is it because of that nephilim that your heart won’t heal?”
“Yes. Because of him.” Briar muttered, fiddling with his fingers as he avoided the piercing gaze. He loves the hues of Castriel’s eyes that matched his handsome features, it almost rivaled the sky’s ethereal light. But to be the object of scrutiny under that gaze, he felt naked and a sinner. “Icarus and I were—I love him. Always has been, but he doesn’t feel the same way. Unrequited love as others may say… But I know he loves me. He said he did back then. Yet, you can see how it turned out…” Biting his lower lip out of frustration, he turned to the museum curator with narrowed eyes. Tears of shame glistened down his cheeks. “You knew and you’re still here? Why? You just stole my first kiss meant for him and you dare judge me? Did you really kiss me because you love me? My face? Or is it out of pity? Because if it’s the latter, then I’d rather rot and die than marry a man who feels sorry for me.”
Castriel clenched his fists, holding back his own exasperation at the accusation. He didn’t want to inflict any sadness nor make the young master cry, heart clenching at the scene unraveling before him. “No. I don’t pity you nor kissed you because I felt that way about you at all! And I will never judge your decisions.” Hands grabbing Briar by the shoulders, he pulled the young man close who gasped at the sudden action. “I like you, Briar. You may not feel it, but I do see how the room—the world lights up whenever you smile. How you listen to me as I ramble away or how you try not to offend me. You’re interesting, Briar. I want to know you better, but I couldn’t when you have your walls up so high. I can barely peek within you.”
Questions flooded his mind since sipping the wine he figured was laced with a potion to knock him out. Why did Briar do it? What was his motive? Why did he come back all soaked to the toes from the ocean? Did he really just go out for a swim? Castriel needed answers for it may drive him crazy to the point of diving into the depths of who Briar truly is and his secrets. The drive of curiosity was close to frazzling his brain.
But until then, he had to be patient.
“As much as I want to move on from him, my stupid heart can’t! I want to love someone, Castriel.” Gripping the sorcerer by the arms, Briar pulled on his shirt desperately as he sobbed. “Someone who won’t leave me hanging off a cliff full of their promises. I want to love you, Castriel. But… Icarus has that hold over me—”
“No, he might never have that hold over you, Briar. Maybe it’s only you who thinks so…” Lifting the young man’s chin, Castriel leaned close to press a kiss on Briar’s forehead. Sobs racked his lithe form. “You can love again, Briar. I know you can… And, if your first kiss was his… why didn’t he take it? Why did you let me?”
“You—” Briar’s protest died as Castriel chased for his lips again, kissing him tenderly. Holding him like he was the most fragile being in the world. Much to the young master’s surprise, he didn’t push him away for the rule he established upon himself. How everything was for Icarus, his first and everything. Castriel merely took and didn’t ask, taking his kisses again and again. Briar was even more stunned when those warm lips detached themselves from his, almost mewling at the loss of them as he stared up to see the sorcerer smile.
“This is my last question for you today, Briar. I won’t ask anything else and leave my doubts on the door until you’re comfortable enough to tell. I will never force you to speak or put up with my questions.” The sorcerer mumbled once he pulled away, peering down at the drunk-like expression on the young man in his arms. Lips pink, as if inviting him for more. And it took every ounce of his self-restraint not to, not when Briar seemed to desire his kiss.
“What is it?”
“Will you give me the chance to love you? Even for just the month we share. If you still don’t feel anything for me, I’ll let you go. But just for this time we share, let me love you, Briar. Let me give you the love you deserve. Please?”
Somewhere in his hazy thoughts, Briar found it odd as to why Icarus’ face never appeared once Castriel frantically burst into his room. The Icarus whom he cried and yearned for was slowly disappearing from his thoughts. Chasing after his image was what he would have done, holding on to whatever memory they had. And yet, when the sorcerer’s inquiry reached his ears, Briar couldn’t help but cry as he nodded softly. Legs tired of running after a mirage of what could have been.
Merfolk were never meant to walk and dwell with those who live on land. For days under the sun were numbered, unlike the abyss of dark comforting waters where nothing ever changes… And yet, it was sunlight he craved. Sunlight that matched this man’s hair and his sweet disposition, burning brightly. Close to burning him. Too good to be true.
Perhaps getting burned by the sunlight was all right once in a while. For after a fire, where ashes lay, is where new flowers grow.
༻❈༺
Briar…
Porcelain shattered, bits flying in every direction as the maid gasped when Icarus bumped her while delivering the tea ordered by the princess in her quarters. The ear-piercing noise cut his thoughts short. The woman’s glare was directed at the soldier before bending down to pick up the pieces. “Be careful next time, will you?” She huffed, clicking her tongue in exasperation. “What were you even doing? Staring at space…”
Icarus quickly dropped to the floor, taking the broken pieces into his palm in an attempt to help her. “I-I apologize. I wasn’t looking where I was going…” The maid’s grumbling faded away as he got to work, images of his first love flashing in his eyes as he stared at the spilled brown liquid on the marbled floor. Midnight blue swirling in the wind with the same colored eyes that stares at him in mirth, laughter airy and echoing in the wind. The image of Briar, all happy and carefree soothed his worries but like a broken piano, it all went downhill as it was replaced with sad faces and tears. Recalling the event that happened in the Solentine home days ago, Icarus couldn’t help but grit his teeth.
“Lady Margareth, what happened here?”
The lady of the house chuckled lightly, hands shaking in a dismissive motion. “N-nothing life-threatening! I fell on the stairs and wounded my head. It was merely a few steps so it wasn’t…” Her words dissipated with her excuses as the gaze from Icarus grew skeptical with every word she spoke. Then, she sighed in exhaustion, nodding at his expression. “All right, there’s no point hiding it with our disheveled appearance. A rock was thrown at the window as you can see. The shards flew everywhere, that’s how I ended up getting a gash. Kingsley wasn’t nearby, but he still got hit.”
“Do you have any idea who it was?” Icarus felt this question was pointless to ask, seeing how distressed the lady seemed. “I mean, can you think of anyone who might have done this?”
The lady exchanged looks with her butler, lips in a thin line. “No one, my boy. I can hardly think of anyone because we always take care of those matters before it gets out of hand…” Clearing her throat, she smiled. “It might have been one of those rowdy kids on the street. You know how they get too much energy and cause trouble.”
“Lady Margareth, I hate to be rude… But there are no children nearby.” Icarus stated, seeing her flinch merely cemented the fact she made it all up. “Besides, if it were children, shouldn’t their family be here right now asking for an apology? And why a rock?”
“There’s no hiding from you is there, Icarus?” Lady Margareth laughed softly, pulling a chair out to sit down. Kingsley bowed once at them before getting to work, possibly to clean up the glass still littered on the ground. “Well, I’m not sure how much I can tell you—”
“Tell me everything, Lady Margareth. I can pull a few strings since I’m working for the palace.” Offering help wasn’t easy back when he was young. He could barely keep his mother from tormenting Briar, but this was Briar’s aunt and the woman who raised him for most of his life—helping her was his priority now that he is an adult. Maybe if his family didn’t mean so much to him, he could turn his back on them for Briar. But Briar wouldn’t want that… “I can have them find out who the culprit is and have them punished.”
Verdant green irises widened at the sight of Lady Margareth laughing boisterously at the last word, back shaking as she held onto her stomach. And yet this melodic laughter transitioned to lower ones then resembled sobs. It wasn’t soon for tears to hit the floor as she covered her face. Icarus was immediately on his feet, searching for a napkin to give her to wipe her tears.
“Lady Margareth, I—”
“I wish it was that easy, Icarus.” She bitterly stated accompanied with a forlorn sigh. “I think this is the consequence of our actions… If only Briar didn’t have such a cruel circumstance… Maybe we wouldn’t have to do those heinous acts.”
Icarus found his heart reaching the pit of his stomach, empty and yet heavy. “Briar? What’s wrong with him? What are you trying to say? Is he sick?”
Glancing up from her sorrowful cry, Lady Margareth’s face was devoid of any color of joy. All that was now seen was solemnity and sadness. “I want to tell you everything, my boy. For maybe you can save him… And yet, you’re also the reason for his pain.” Wiping her teardrops, she exhaled aloud. “All I can tell you is that he suffers a fate much worse than death. A heavy responsibility that even our king’s crown is a mere paperweight.”
Standing up from the now pristine ground, Icarus fisted his hand and inhaled deeply. Wishing Briar to return soon so he could explain, Icarus looked up to the night sky decorated with millions of diamonds twinkling down the kingdom. Regret washed over his soul; Icarus wished for his death to come soon as punishment for making Briar cry the day he turned his back on him. For being unable to love him as he promised he would. For being inadequate and incapable of standing up for him. For leaving their love to tremble in the dark. And yet, death seemed like a sweet escape from his sins that led him to this suffering. Loving Briar was a crime against his family, yet it was a crime he would readily commit again and again. No, he didn’t deserve such an easy conclusion. Icarus had to make things right for Briar was the light amongst the storm that brooded over his life controlled by his parents. The rainbow after years of rain and flood. And he let that chance to be free go. He has to bring back Briar and beg for forgiveness again and again.
He has to.
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