This poem was written for a competition/challenge on another website. It’s based upon an original poem that was written by me in 2015. So this is a heavily edited reworked version of the original.
Everyone tells me
how sorry they are,
as they look at me
with pitying eyes.
Imagining
how hard it must be
to live as me.
To them I am broken:
Just a watch that
doesn't tick.
A sea without fish.
A puzzle
you can't complete,
missing,
its last piece.
I'm a sun
that never shines,
hidden behind
a cloudy sky.
I'm a desert
that holds
no signs
of life.
But despite their thoughts,
judgements, misconceptions.
I don't see only darkness
when I look in the mirror.
I can find joy in
the sadness.
The struggles
I've been through.
The joy that
despite my battles.
I'm still here, alive.
That makes me
tougher, stronger
than those who
could never dream
of living as I do -
with what I have.
I am all of those
things they see
and believe.
Yes, I'm broken
and no, I can't be fixed.
But maybe you'll see,
I'm okay with this.
It is just how it is.
How it's meant to be.
So don't see sadness
when you look at me.
See the joy in all that
I am, and can be,
because of my
mental disease.
- Erin 30th June 2020
All Copyrights belong to me do not use my work or re-post anywhere else without my permission.
This was in no way meant to depict mental illness as something desirable nor glorify it. This poems was about accepting my mental illnesses & learning to live alongside them. In doing so it was about acknowledging the way my illnesses have shaped & changed me in ways that haven't all been bad. I would not wish this on anyone but when you live with a mental illness daily you have to acknowledge & accept it as part of you and your life because it's not going anywhere or at least that is how I feel about my particular diagnoses especially my BPD.
In learning to accept my illnesses I also had to stop seeing them as the devil on my shoulder that was separate to me because that didn't actually work nor help when it came to my Borderline diagnosis. It only made things worse. I personally have found this way of acceptance and viewing my mental illness as the complex thing that is with good and bad parts has helped me. The fact is I am mentally ill and if I'm going to live with this for the rest of my life I need to find some good in all the pain it's brought me and you know what for me there has been some silver linings to come out of it all. For example poetry I wouldn't be here right now typing this out if it wasn't for my mental illnesses.
When I couldn't cope I found solace in writing out words I could not speak aloud. I became reliant on poetry as my escape my one place I could truly express how I felt. It has been one of the greatest therapeutic tools/coping mechanisms I've found so far in my mental health journey. But please don't mistake my personal way of coping with my illnesses/choosing to try & highlight it's not been an entirely bad experience for me personally as me glorifying mental illnesses or that this is the same experience everyone has. We are all different and we all experience our illnesses differently even if we have the same diagnosis no two of us are the same.
Also I didn't always feel this way it has taken me almost a decade to get to this point. It's about finding what works for you. I really hope you enjoyed this piece and if you're wondering about the picture it's taken from the Japanese art of Kintsugi. They put broken pottery pieces back together using gold - the meaning behind this being that by embracing a pieces flaws and imperfections you are creating something even stronger & more beautiful. I feel this is very apt given the tone of my poem. It can often be used as a metaphor for healing ourselves. I do believe by embracing our imperfections we become stronger and only by accepting them can we truly recover in my personal opinion and experience.
A collection of uplifting poems with a focus on mental health & recovery. A lot of these poems document my own feelings & journey to recovery. I also tackle the stigma surrounding mental health. This collection is here to provide some positivity in a world full of negatives. It is here to remind you that recovery is always worth it.
Comments (0)
See all