Blaise couldn't remember if there had ever been someone he could talk so easily to – other than Mouse. Once the ice was broken and the threat had faded, they talked about everything. Really everything: family, favorite shows, superheroes, bikes and fat cars, music, embarrassing moments. The only subject they avoided were club matters, and they made no attempt to get information from each other. It felt like they opted to believe that their MC's just existed of Harley lovers, with no illegal activities taking place.
Raine's voice was a bit deeper than his own and when he laughed, he lifted the right corner of his mouth slightly higher than the other. It was strange, the observations one made when they were alone with someone they didn't know. Sure – at first sight he had seen the diamond in his ear, the two shaved lines halfway down the right side of his head, his two-days beard, the hairs above his lip that were just a little longer. But he had also noticed how Raine slightly squeezed his eyes when he was thinking, how he twisted the silver skull ring around his left thumb when he talked about his sister, and how one canine left a dimple in his lip when he was listening with attention. Every now and then, a few Spanish words slipped past his lips; Blaise discovered that chido meant something like cool, and he used no manches! to express his surprise or disbelief.
They had both grown up in the US; Blaise's mom was Puerto Rican while Raine's was Mexican. Although his own mother had never bothered to teach her children Spanish, Raine was raised bilingual.
"You ever been to Puerto Rico?" Raine asked.
Blaise shook his head. "No. My ma broke with her family. Never met my grandparents, not one of them." He pulled at a cracked cuticle. Damn – he sounded really pathetic.
"You never considered to just go there and find 'em?"
Blaise shrugged. He had never really considered it. He couldn't even maintain a normal relationship with his mother and sister; he dreaded to imagine how he would mess up with family he hadn't even met. "I dunno," he muttered. "I don't think I'll find what I'm lookin' for. When I was a kid I had those... fantasies about my family. Think I rather remember 'em like that instead of being disappointed by the truth. It's like some sort of... imaginary family." He lifted the corner of his mouth. "It's less sad than it sounds. I found my family in Norwich."
Raine nodded in understanding. Only a biker understood the importance of a family like that, and how it could really take the place of a family by blood.
"What about you? You often see your family from Mexico?"
"Until Mom died, we visited them a few times a year, and every now and then they came to us. My Dad... he finds it hard to face 'em. My aunt looks a lot like her sister. I saw 'em three years ago with Rosa and Sammy; it's the last time I saw them. They don't have a lot of money. They try to save some so they can visit Rosa, but it's difficult."
It was silent for a while. Blaise could easily follow his train of thoughts; he wondered if they would manage to get the money before the girl died. Blaise tried to come up with some comforting words, or a soothing gesture. If Raine had been a girl, he might have laid his hand upon hers; he barely needed to move his fingers for that anyway, but he didn't dare to do it thinking it was probably weird. If the guy had been a Warrior, he might have pulled him into a brotherly hug, but he wasn't; even though he felt like the Warrior knew more about him than most Foxes.
It seemed like the elevator came to the same conclusion; deciding they had gotten close enough, it suddenly started to move again. With a shared cheer, they jumped up. Raine swung his arm around Blaise's shoulder, flashing him a wide grin.
It felt like something pushed out all of the oxygen from Blaise's lungs. The arm felt heavy around his shoulders. He almost wished the elevator would jolt and stop again, because he knew he would have to walk through the doors within a few seconds, and he would probably never speak to him again.
And there it was – that horrifying ping.
The elevator stilled, the doors sliding open.
Taking a deep breath, Blaise looked at Raine. Searching for words, without finding the smallest tone. It felt like there was something stuck in his throat as they looked at each other. His eyes, brown like coffee beans. He thought of the Rubik's Cube which the man had given him, and he reached into the inside pocket of his kutte.
"Thanks," he said, holding out the toy to Raine.
Their fingers brushed slightly as Raine took it from him. Blaise had no idea what happened, but a paralyzing feeling traveled through his arm, and his heart seemed to falter for a second.
His eyes shot to Raine's, wondering if he had felt that too. When there was no evidence of that, he suddenly felt intensely heated. Time to leave...
"Uh... Well, uh, I gotta go..." he muttered, nervously running a hand across his Mohawk.
It felt like Raine was startled out of his thoughts, as his head shot up. "Yeah..."
An awkward silence. A horribly awkward silence.
If Raine hadn't been wearing a kutte, Blaise would have asked him if he felt like hanging out some day. However, he couldn't ask him now, and it was harder than he had imagined. He took a deep breath.
"Good luck with your sister," Blaise said softly. Something stirred inside him; he wanted to hug the man – just as a way of goodbye.
"Yeah, thanks. Hope your brother feels better soon." He held out his hand. "Could've been stuck with worse people," he grinned.
Blaise was reluctant to shake his hand, since he had felt that weird jolt just a minute ago. He however, couldn't leave him standing there like that, so he briefly shook his hand. For some reason, his heart was slamming in his chest.
Raine pressed the button when the doors started to close. Blaise nodded at him, turned around and left the elevator. His shoulders slumping down when he heard another ping.
Don't be a baby. It's not like you don't have any other friends.
But he knew that whatever had been there between them differed from his other friendships. There had been an openness he only experienced with Mouse – and Mouse was his best friend. This felt like he was walking away from another best friend – one who was able to understand him even better than Mouse, since he knew the club life inside out.
. . .
"Blaise... Blaise!"
A cushion hit his head, tearing him out of his thoughts. "Mouse," he said annoyed when the cushion ended up on his plate with macaroni. "Ugh, those stains are awful."
"Toothpaste works wonders. Really," she stressed, as he rolled his eyes.
That was typically Skye; coming up with all kind of weird tricks which actually worked. As if she knew Google by heart.
"What is it?"
"That's what I was asking you. I've never watched an episode of Big Bang with you, without hearing you chuckle. Where's your head at? Even calling your name three times couldn't snap you out of your thoughts."
He shrugged his shoulders, shoving his food around on his plate. He wasn't hungry. "I just don't feel well. Had nothing to drink for almost six hours, I think that's why."
He kept his glance aimed at his plate. He had no idea where his appetite had gone. ; He was too consumed by his thoughts; shreds of the conversations with Raine kept echoing in his head. He had been grumpy all day; he didn't even stay long with Barnes.
"What did you guys do during those six hours?" Skye asked. Even without looking up, he could picture her smirk. "Explore your gay side, like I advised you?"
Annoyed, he looked up.
"Wow, chill out dude." She raised her hands in surrender. "I was just joking man. What the fuck is wrong with you today? Were those few hours in the elevator that horrible? You haven't said a word about it."
Sighing, he ran a hand across his Mohawk. He didn't even know what was holding him back. This was Mouse. He used to tell her everything.
"He was a Warrior."
Her eyes went wide, the plate filled with macaroni almost slipped off her lap. "What? Holy shit dude. Did he hurt you? Threaten you?"
"No. He was... cool. At first it was fucking awkward and he was holding off any conversation. But then I was having a panic attack and he... he helped me through it. He gave me a Rubik's Cube."
She clapped her hands. "That is so fucking cute! Introduce me to him, I need to date that guy!"
"Because he gave me a Rubik's Cube?" he asked, his eyebrows raised.
"Exactly! That's so thoughtful and attentive! Attentive bikers are a rarity." She showed him a wide grin. "Or was he some old grampy?"
"No, he's just a little older than me."
"Was he hot?"
"Jeez – how would I know?"
"What do you mean, how would I know? You got eyes, don't you? And you had plenty of time to look at him."
"I don't know what you consider to be attractive."
"Oh c'mon dude, you know that damn well. I always tell you how I grade guys."
"I guess you would've liked him. But you're not going to date a Warrior, Mouse."
"That was never our deal. No Foxes – we never talked about other clubs."
"Well, we've talked about it now." Rolling his eyes, he focused his attention on the TV.
"Okay sorry, I'm teasin' you," Skye said, as she realized something was really bothering him. "What is it, baby?" She slid towards him, pulled his plate off his lap and took his hands in hers, like she always did when she wanted to turn all her attention to him. "Just tell me what's on your mind."
Blaise bent his head and stared at their laced fingers. "Well... We've talked for hours, also about serious shit. There was just this click..." He sighed. "It's just... If we hadn't been in different MC's, I think we would have hung out. We could have become friends. Good friends you know, like you and me. It kinda felt like that time I met you, I just knew we would become close. He gave me that same feeling. And I just... don't experience that a lot. You're the only one I dare to be myself around, you know, to show the real me and not just the tough and sometimes funny biker Blaise, and I had this feeling I could be myself around him too."
"Hmm..." Mouse crossed her legs underneath her. "Yeah... that sucks. Sacrificing a potential close friend for the club. And it really wouldn't work, huh?"
"Don't think so," he muttered. "Because of our clubs, our priorities will always differ." He studied his fingernails. "I dunno. It's just the thought that I might never talk to him again, that's leaving me with a pit in my stomach."
"That feeling will fade. You'll feel disappointed now, but within a few days you won't even think about that guy anymore." Skye dropped her head against his shoulder. Blaise gave her a slight smile, kissing her temple. "And if I'm wrong and you still prohibit me from dating him... well then you should date him yourself."
Blaise felt his cheeks flush, as he thought back to that strange feeling he felt, right before he left the elevator. No – it made no fucking sense. He wasn't interested in guys, he never had been. It had just been a sudden longing for a close friendship, nothing more and nothing less. "You're a horrible matchmaker."
"I'm not! You're just boring, never tryin' something new." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "A life without risks is boring, Hun."
"My whole life is one big risk," he grunted, slumping down on the couch. "Especially when I live with you. Come on, go clean that cushion."
With a grin she got up, snatching the cushion away from his feet and headed for the kitchen. Blaise glanced at his food one more time, but he still wasn't hungry. Instead, he stared at the TV screen, seeing nothing.
It didn't take long before Raine slipped into his thoughts again, making him wonder if he would ever see the guy again – and under what circumstances it would be.
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