I wasn’t sure why I woke up to the nightmares on Friday. It had been a while since the last time I had those dreams. It had to be because of that fucking Gabriel. I’d spend way too long thinking about him and his brother.

It was early when I woke up. I didn’t get out of bed right away. It was hard to pull myself together this time. I did my breathing exercises, but it helped only a little. This was going to be a rough day.

After getting up from the bed, I immediately grabbed my sleeves and pulled them on. I fought back my urge to keep touching them as I made my way to the bathroom. I ended up pulling them up several times after washing my hands. Splashing cold water on my face didn’t help, either.

“Fuck’s sake…” I whispered, balling my hands into fists in hopes of stopping myself.

I hated that feeling, and I hated that fucking Gabriel for triggering me.

I stepped out of my room and entered the kitchen. My parents weren’t awake yet, so I tried to be quiet as I started preparing for breakfast. I failed at being quiet.

It was Pop, Alex, who woke up first. He joined me in the kitchen with a sleepy expression on his face.

“Good morning! I thought I heard something,” he said, peering at the clock. “It’s… not even seven yet? Why are you up?”

“Didn’t feel like staying in bed…”

He glanced at my sleeves. He already knew why I was awake. He gave me a smile and hugged me with one arm.

“You didn’t sleep well, huh?”

“It’s fine,” I answered and turned the coffee machine on.

I had to focus on something, or I would’ve started plucking the sleeves. I really fucking hated that feeling… I tried to act like nothing was going on, but Pop could see right through it.

“Do you want to stay at home today?” he asked.

“I’m fine."

He raised his eyebrow and hugged me again. “Well, if you change your mind…”

“I’ll let you know.”

I heard the door of the master bedroom opening, and Dad, Jessie, joined us only a few seconds later. I turned to tell him good morning, but he didn’t reply to me, not before he had parked his wheelchair almost on top of my toes. He, too, had noticed the sleeves right away, and he leaned in to give me a hug.

“You were being restless last night,” he said with a sad voice. “Did something happen yesterday?”

“I’m fine,” I said reassuringly before standing up again, trying to hide my shaky hands.

He didn’t believe me, either.

“If you need to stay at home–”

I let out a grumble. “I’m fine.”

Loving parents – what an annoyance.

I didn’t want to skip school because I’d already skipped school once this week, and my parents were working hard to give me a good future. I didn’t want to disappoint them. They wanted me to go to college. They had saved money for it and everything. I wasn’t even theirs. Just an adopted bastard.

They shouldn’t have bothered with my future. They had much bigger issues on their hands. Like paying bills and not losing the house. They didn’t know I’d heard them talking about having to sell it to pay the bills… They were trying so hard to keep that info from me, but I knew… I knew we were fucked.

I hadn’t even been surprised when I heard about it. The three of us were medical disasters. Dad broke his back when he was a teenager, paralyzing from waist down. Pop was a freaking cancer survivor, and after going through treatments for five years, he was finally declared free from it. And then there was me with my psychiatric bills.

That was why I needed that stupid job at the stupid candy store. I couldn’t watch them struggle while I was perfectly able to earn my own money. They gave me this life after I lost the old one at the age of seven, and I wanted to fight for it with them. I loved this house just as much as they did, after all.

I ate what I could in my anxiety and then went to get ready for school. I got dressed and did my hair, still constantly checking my sleeves. That urge was even worse now that I was moving so much… I couldn’t stop making sure my arms were fully covered…

I entered the bathroom to do my makeup. Foundation was easy, but when I grabbed my eyeliner and brought it close to my eyes, I couldn’t stop my hand from shaking. I should’ve given up right then and there… I didn’t need it, but I didn’t want to let my condition rule my life after years of trying to get better.

But the shaking only got worse. The anxiety got worse. I still tried, and obviously failed, and the emotions finally leaked over. I threw the eyeliner to the wall with a frustrated screech, then backed away and burst into tears. I covered my face when I slid down to sit against the wall, trying to breathe.

My parents were there in an instant. I heard their worried voices and felt their soothing arms around me as I continued crying, refusing to look up.

And I still couldn’t stop wanting to make sure the sleeves were up.

I didn’t go to school that day. Both my parents were strictly against it after my little breakdown. Dad was able to take the day off so he could stay with me while Pop had to go to work. I was forced to sleep a few more hours, and I didn’t mind. I needed a break from my head.

I did feel better when I woke up around noon. My hands weren’t as shaky, and it was easier to keep myself from pulling the sleeves. Dad made a nice lunch for us, and finally, I was starting to feel like myself again.

“I think I ruined my eyeliner,” I sighed after returning to my bathroom to clean up the mess I made. “Yup…”

“I can buy you a new one,” Dad said reassuringly, watching me like a hawk.

“I have a job now,” I reminded him. “I can afford my own stuff now.”

“You should be focusing on school,” Dad muttered – he didn’t like the idea of me having a job, especially now that I was in my last year of high school, getting ready to move on to the next level.

“It’s only a few days a week.”

“Hmm…”

“I can always ask for fewer shifts if it gets too much.”

“Hmm…”

“Trust me,” I said with a smile. “I got this.”

He squinted his eyes at me, but smiled as well. “Are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah. I could still go to school…”

“Or…” Dad said slowly with a smirk. “We could go shopping. You need a new eyeliner, and I heard there may be a curling iron somewhere with your name on it.”

“How do you know I want one?” I asked with wide eyes.

“I know everything,” he said with a devious smirk. “And you’ve been watching a lot of curling tutorials lately,” he added as an explanation.

I turned to glance at my hair in the mirror, and for a moment, I felt excited. “It doesn’t matter – I can’t really curl my hair for school,” I said with a sigh.

“Why not?”

“Because guys don’t curl their hair,” I reminded him.

“And since when you’ve given shit what other people think?”

“They’re going to stare a lot. I hate that.”

“Of course they’ll stare – you are the prettiest person in the whole place,” Dad said.

“Thanks,” I chuckled. “But I really hate being stared at.”

“Yeah. Same, so can’t really blame you,” he said, glancing down at his wheelchair. “But you still need a curling iron.”

“Why?”

“Because I said so,” he said and winked. “So? Shopping day?”

I gave it a thought, and finally nodded, feeling much better now.

Once again, Jax didn’t show up at school. Why was I even surprised? Winning this bet was hard enough as it was, but how was I supposed to make the guy fall for me if he wasn’t even there?!

I spent the entire day with Jessica and Alan, like always, but this time, Cecilia hung out with us as well. She did all the talking while the rest of us tried to keep ourselves from laughing. Or in my case, trying not to get too overwhelmed by her ability to change the subject mid-sentence. She did that a lot.

My god, she did that a lot…

“That girl has a lot to say,” I muttered to Jessica when Cecilia finally left us to hurry to her class.

“Are you regretting your promise to take her out?” Jessica snickered.

“Yeah… No, I mean… ugh… At least I don’t have to force a conversation with her…” I said and let out a deep sigh.

“She sure does love talking. But I’m surprised it bothers you. It’s not like you care about her, anyway,” she said, and I tried my best to not take it as a jab.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked her as kindly as possible.

“Please. You’re kind of a jerk sometimes. You never really pay attention to the girls you go out with. Sometimes I wonder if you even remember their names,” Jessica said. “And you go through them quite fast.”

If it had been any other girl but her… I mean, she used to be my girlfriend. She was speaking from her personal experience, and that… wasn’t a nice feeling.

“I’m sorry if I ever was a jerk to you,” I said quietly.

“Don’t be. You weren’t that bad. I still hold the record for dating you the longest,” she said and chuckled. “But you might want to pay more attention to the girls you’re going out with. Otherwise you’ll just end up alone.”

“Alright. I’ll try…” I muttered, thinking about Cecilia’s never-ending flood of words.

I can do that. 

I can’t do that…

I took Cecilia to a nice restaurant and my god, she just kept on talking. How could anyone talk so much?

I just kept smiling at her. I really tried to pay attention to her, but I couldn’t keep up. I just couldn’t. She was jumping from topic to topic way too fast. I ended up giving up and let my mind wander off.

Maybe it was because of how overwhelmed I had already become by trying to keep up with Cecilia, but the anxiety inside me was growing worse. I never should’ve agreed to go out on a date with her. I should’ve stayed at home and get ready for the next batch of exams or something – that would’ve been a better use of my time.

No. Let’s just enjoy the night out. I deserve this.

I had nothing to worry about. I was a fast learner with a great memory. I was going to be just fine. I didn’t need to study that hard. And yet, I couldn’t shake that uneasy feeling I’d had for a long time already.

I didn’t even know what was bothering me.

“So? You’re becoming a lawyer?”

I smiled at Cecilia.

“Yes. Both my dad and his dad are lawyers, so…”

“I heard they have a big company,” she said with shining eyes. “And you’ll start working there, right?”

“Uh-huh…”

“I don’t know anything about law, but you’re so smart! Is it going to be like in movies? OBJECTION!”

I nearly jumped off my seat when she screamed the last word and started laughing. She was getting a lot of glares now from pretty much everyone in the restaurant.

I forced out a laugh as well. “A bit more than that,” I said.

“I saw this one movie–”

The movie she started talking about had nothing to do with lawyers.

I wanted to become a lawyer. I’d seen my dad and granddad in court, and I’d always admired how they acted there. They’d gotten so many people behind bars. They’d settled so many disputes. They were heroes for a lot of people. Dad used to be my greatest hero… No, he still was. Of course he was.

Of course he still was…

I just… I was doing my best. I had the perfect grades, after all. It wasn’t even hard to keep them perfect. I wasn’t sure if it was good enough. I mean, how could I do any better? Maybe other courses outside school, but… Would that be enough…?

Every time I even thought about the college my dad had chosen for me, I feared they’d laugh my ass out. It was the best damn school in the whole country. Dad would be so disappointed in me if I didn’t get in…

I’d seen how disappointed he was when Kenneth chose to become a doctor. He was furious when Daniel chose to become a journalist. Now I was his favorite son because I still followed in his footsteps.

But what if I fell off that path? It wasn’t enough to get accepted into college, but I had to stay there as well. And graduate. With perfect grades.

I suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe.

What if I fail..?

Early on Saturday morning, I woke up in Cecilia’s bed. I peered at her over my shoulder, admiring her looks. She was pretty, but that was about it. I’d had fun with her, but I just didn’t feel a thing. And all that talking… I couldn’t handle it.

Last night, I had learned that she wasn’t a silent one in bed, either. At least she didn’t talk much. She was just… loud. Thank god her family hadn’t been home. I was pretty sure her neighbors had heard her, though.

Without waking her up, I got up from the bed as quietly as I could. If she woke up, I’d get trapped in her thick jungle of words with no way out. I was not in the mood for that. I needed peace and quiet.

Her family had returned home late at night, but it sounded like no one was awake yet – it was still six in the morning, after all. I dressed up quickly and sneaked out of the house before anyone would spot me, and drove away without looking back.

Maybe I was unable to pay attention to my dates, but I definitely needed to start paying attention to choosing who I was going on dates with.

Maybe I’ll just concentrate on Jax for now.

It had been almost a week now, and I’d managed to get only a few words out of him. I was more confident in my success after we had that little talk on the rooftop, but there was still a long way to go if I wanted him to fall in love with me.

Do you hear how wrong that sounds?

No. It was Jax, for crying out loud. I was doing the entire school a favor by making him taste his own poisonous medicine. The guy was a massive jerk. And I had to admit, this bet to make him fall for me was a nice change of pace. It was great to have something stupid like this to focus on.

I never did anything stupid, after all. I was always too damn scared to screw up my chances with studies, so I never dared to act up apart from secretly getting drunk a few times. Never disrespected the teachers. Never skipped classes. Never neglected my homework. I never caused any trouble either, so just this once, I wanted to do something stupid. This bet didn’t affect my grades, after all, no matter the outcome. 

Once I got home, it was still too early for anyone else to be awake yet, so I quietly made my way up to my room and went to take a shower. I spotted a hickey on my neck, and I grimaced at it.

Cecilia… She was way too easy…

I didn’t want to sound rude or like a jerk, but she really threw herself at me. They always did. I guess that was why I liked Jessica in the first place. She wasn’t easy. She never was, and never would be. The guy who’d eventually snatch her would have his hands full, that was for sure. She’d make the poor guy bend over backwards to even gain her attention.

I think she learned a lot from dating me… Perhaps many of them did… Suddenly, I wasn’t feeling too proud of myself. And just as suddenly, it was easy to make the decision to put my dating life on. The girls were better off without me.

And honestly, I just… I didn’t get anything out of these hookups.

Besides, I had a challenge to win, and I really needed to step up my game. I had wasted enough time already, and Jax was making the task even harder by skipping classes and hiding on the rooftops.

I was not going to lose this bet.