For a moment there, I thought Nic was ditching me. A stupid thought, I was aware of that, but I was happily using my trust issues card. Obviously I should’ve waited for him by the entrance, but I hated it when people stared, and now they stared ten times more because of Nic.

I glanced at Nic when he started driving. He was in a better mood now, according to that big fat smile on his lips.

“So! Any ideas where we should go?” he asked when he noticed me staring.

I shrugged. “You’re the one who asked me to hang out with you.”

“We can just drive around,” he said, turning his attention back to the street. “Just let me know when you get hungry – I’ll buy you whatever you want.”

I snorted quietly. “I can buy my own food, thanks.”

“Nah, then it wouldn’t be a date.”

“People can pay for their own food even on dates.”

“So we’re going out on a date, then,” he said, peering at me with that smug, victorious smile on his face.

“People can go grab food without… Whatever…” I muttered, slouching back against my seat with heat rising on my cheeks.

He smirked and nudged my arm with his elbow. “I’m kidding,” he said. “I wouldn’t mind calling it a date, but I’d rather not push your buttons today. Well, too hard.”

I frowned at him when he turned to pay attention to driving again. He still seemed a bit tired.

“So what? We’re just going to drive around for hours, grab something to eat and then…?” I asked tentatively.

“And then we continue driving around,” he said with a shrug.

“Don’t you have better things to do?” I asked.

“Do you?” he asked, and I did not miss the fact he didn’t answer me.

“Not really,” I said, taking a good, long look at him.

I was not one who liked to share my thoughts – or anything, really – with anyone, so I did consider not pushing the topic, but I was getting curious.

“You’re avoiding something,” I guessed. “Or someone.”

His expression dropped immediately. He only glanced at me and quickly conjured a fake smile on his face.

“I’m avoiding homework,” he said with a smirk.

I left it at that. I didn’t really care what he was avoiding now that I knew he was indeed avoiding something. And I had a pretty good guess who it was.

We drove around for a while without saying anything. I stared out of the window, watching the people and the city as we passed through it. Nic had stopped faking a smile a while back, and his expression stayed blank. He didn’t seem to even remember I was there. I wondered why he’d insisted on hanging out with me if he wasn’t in the mood to hang out with anyone.

“You know I’m still here, right?” I had to ask when we were heading to the city limits.

“Hmm? Yeah, sorry…” he muttered and sighed. “I guess I’m still a bit tired… I didn’t mean to ignore you.”

“You can ignore me if you want. I don’t mind,” I said. “I’m just wondering why you wanted me to come along if you don’t feel like hanging out.”

“I do want to hang out with you,” he hurried to say. “I really like your company. I’m just…”

“Tired?” I guessed, and he nodded. “But you see, I’m not a fucking idiot. I know you being tired has nothing to do with sleep. It’s something else, so you can just quit that bullshit. You don’t have to tell me what it is. I probably don’t even care, but if I hear you say tired one more time–”

“I’m so fucking tired of everyone and their bullshit, all right?” he suddenly said quite angrily, interrupting me.

I snapped my mouth shut and stared at him as he stared at the road.

“Sorry… I didn’t mean that…” he then mumbled in embarrassment.

“Yes, you fucking did,” I said with a smirk, and he glanced at me.

“No, I didn’t,” he said sternly.

I moved sideways in my seat so I could take a good look at him.

“What?” he frowned at me.

“I think it’s hot when you swear,” I said, making him laugh.

“Of course you do,” he muttered, glancing at me.

“So if you’re so fucking tired of everyone and their bullshit, why am I here?”

“I’m not tired of–”

“Bullshit.”

He sighed and his smile faded. “I’m not actually tired of anyone. I’m just…”

“Frustrated?”

“I suppose.”

“So where do I fit in?” I asked.

“You’re different,” he only said.

“How am I different? Except for my murderous tendencies.”

“I very much like your murderous tendencies.”

“You’re not answering my question.”

He sighed again.

“I’m going to sound like a massive, entitled jerk if I answer that,” he muttered.

“Now you better answer me or I will leave this car at the next intersection,” I told him.

He peered at me carefully. “I know my life is perfect,” he then began. “I know how easy everything is for me. I don’t even have to lift a finger to get whatever I want. I know that. I do, and yet… I hate it. I hate how fucking perfect everything is. It’s so fucking boring. And my parents… Especially my father…”

I listened in silence as he spoke. I watched him carefully, and I could see a wide array of negative emotions in his eyes.

“And I love my friends. They’re great. Jessica, Allan… Fuck, that list was shorter than I thought…” he continued. “But the rest of them… People just act like they like me. I’m so fucking rich I could buy whatever I want. I could go buy a new Porsche right now if I wanted, so of course they all like me. Or at least they pretend they do.”

“Yeah… Not all of them like you,” I said quietly, thinking back to all the things I’d heard people say about Nic and the other Gabriels. Not anything family friendly. “Rich people problems, I suppose.”

“Exactly. Rich people problems. That’s the fucking joke. We don’t have actual problems, and I don’t have the right to have bad thoughts about anyone,” he said with bitterness oozing through his words. “My life is perfect, so all I can do is to be grateful. Hell, I don’t even know what a real problem looks like.”

“And what about me?” I asked since he still hadn’t answered my question.

He gave me a smile. “You’re so different. I really like it when you hate me.”

I raised my brows at him, and he laughed.

“You’re not easy. You’re not boring. You’re not…” he carefully glanced at me. “You’re not perfect. And that makes you so much better than any single one of them.”

“Thanks, I guess,” I said and chuckled. “I’m going to take that as a compliment since I know how much you hate the word perfect.”

“I don’t hate that word.”

“Please, it’s like a curse word coming from your mouth,” I said.

He laughed lightly, then shook his head and smirked at me. “When you hit my head on my desk, it was love at first sight.”

Now I had to laugh. “I can do it again if that turns you on.”

“Oh, you’d love to turn me on,” he said with a wink.

I rolled my eyes and turned to look away for a brief moment. I wouldn’t mind turning him on…

“Anyway,” I said to push that thought out of my head. “Nothing you just said makes you a massive, entitled jerk.”

“Yes, it does…”

“Look. You are entitled, and I think it’s great you can see that, but you are also entitled to your feelings. You are allowed to hate backstabbers and beggars. You’re allowed to be tired of other people’s bullshit when it’s actual bullshit.”

He shook his head without replying to me. Oh well, at least I tried.

“So we’ll continue not speaking again now, huh?” I asked after a while.

“Sorry, I was just thinking…” he mumbled.

“About what?”

“You."

I stared at him, the blush creeping back on my cheeks. “You think you’re so smooth…”

“Is it working?”

I squinted my eyes at him and refused to answer.

We stayed silent for a while again, but Nic seemed to be in a slightly better mood. I spent that time trying to picture myself in his shoes. I couldn’t really understand his problems, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have problems. I could see only the things I was witnessing, after all. I had no idea what he had to go through on a daily basis and no matter how rich he was, he was still a human with human feelings.

And I had to admit, if people were talking about me like they were talking about him behind my back, and I’d find out about it… I would fucking hate them too. Like Nic could’ve chosen which family he was born into.

“Let’s go for a walk,” Nic suddenly said after we’d nearly reached the small town close by.

Five minutes later, he parked his car in a small parking lot right next to a river. Once we got out, I saw a small area for swimming to our left, and a pathway leading away from it. Nic locked the doors and headed to the river, so I followed him.

The silence continued between us as we walked, following the river away from the town. I didn’t really mind the silence. Especially since I could feel the tension building up between us.

It started with him giving me a few glances every now and then. Then his hand started brushing against mine. By the time we were completely alone on the pathway, he was walking so close to me our shoulders kept touching. And finally, he rested his hand on my back and led me off the pathway, into the forest. I followed, knowing where this was leading.

I wasn’t surprised when he suddenly stopped and turned me to face him. His both hands found their way on my sides, and he pulled me closer. I raised my brow at him when he brought his lips close to mine.

“I’ll bite you if you kiss me,” I told him.

“Oh, yes, please,” he groaned before leaning in.

I smiled, and the second his lips were on mine, I bit him, but his hold on me only grew tighter. I did let go of him a short moment later, giving him the freedom to do and take whatever he wanted. As the kiss grew steamier, I hardly noticed him pushing me a few steps back so he could pin me against a tree – I was too focused on his lips, his hot breath and his hands grabbing my ass.

Things got so steamy I wouldn’t have been surprised if clothes would start flying off soon. Part of me did its best to hold me back, but the rest of me loved every second of our hot making out. I couldn’t keep my hands off him. I couldn’t stop kissing him like my life depended on it. He was hot, and he was an even hotter kisser. His body was nice and soft and hard against mine as he held me tightly against the tree.

And his tongue in my mouth… His hands manhandling my ass… His hips moving slowly against mine… I wanted those clothes to start flying off.

We were completely alone…

I couldn’t get enough…

I had the feeling Nic felt the same way when he suddenly whipped his head up and gasped for air, keeping his eyes on the sky like he feared he would lose his mind if he even took a short glimpse of me. He was fired up. I could feel it against my groin.

Then he laughed wearily.

“Why do you have to be so fucking hot…?” he mumbled and finally lowered his gaze down at me.

“Can’t help it,” I smirked, but his eyes weren’t on mine anymore.

He was looking at my wrist. My exposed wrist.

I pushed him away from me hard and hurried to pull my sleeve back down, nearly in panic. He shouted after me when I started marching away from him, not even looking where I was going.

“Jax! Wait!”

He quickly caught up with me and grabbed my hand, but I yanked myself free.

“Leave me the fuck alone!” I hissed at him, almost in tears.

I did not mean to react like that. I thought I was stronger than that, but the past trauma was still holding onto me.

“Wait! What’s going on?” he yelled and continued following me. “Jax! Talk to me!”

“No!”

Why did I react so strongly…? Why was I nearly panicking? Getting away from him was the only thought in my head, and it was strong. The urge was too strong to fight against. I couldn’t be close to him a second longer.

I didn’t want this… I didn’t mean to let him see…

He wasn’t supposed to find out…!

“Jax! Please wait. Tell me what’s wrong,” Nic kept pleading and ran in front of me but didn’t try to touch me.

I turned on my heels to get away from him, but he stopped me again.

“Jax, please, tell me what’s wrong,” he begged with scared eyes.

“None of your fucking business!” I shouted at his face, the anger leaking over. “Get the fuck away from me!”

And since I was being such a fucking rational person at that moment, I burst out in tears.

“Hey, hey, hey… Everything is all right,” Nic hurried to say, taking a slow step right in front of me. “Deep breaths, okay?”

I shivered and covered my face with my hands. I just froze. I couldn’t form a single thought, and my body refused to move. Nic kept muttering soothing words. He stood so close he could easily catch me if I tried to make another run for it.

I didn’t know what to do. I was completely at the mercy of my panicky mind.

It happened so fast…

“Jax…? Are you okay? Fuck, you’re not… What can I do? Do you need something?”

I would’ve told him to fuck off if my mouth worked. Somehow I managed to turn my attention to my breathing. If I could call that shallow panting breathing…

Why did I panic like that?

Little by little, I managed to force myself calm enough to take a few deep, shaky breaths. It took me a while to get some kind of hold on myself, but Nic stayed with me the entire time, talking to me, trying to help me calm down.

My fucking god, I was embarrassed when I fully understood I had panicked right in front of him.

“Leave me alone,” I whispered, turning my back on him once again, but once again, he stopped me.

“I’m not leaving you here,” he said sternly. “Please, talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I said, hiding my face from him.

“Right,” he spoke, his voice still high-pitched.

I tried to wipe my face dry, but I was still sniffing. My heart was still racing. I still didn’t feel completely in charge of myself, but at least I could now think.

“Just leave me alone…” I begged him.

“I’m not leaving you alone like this,” he said in a trembling voice.

I glanced at him and saw his scared eyes. Poor guy had no idea what had gotten into me all of a sudden… He probably didn’t even see my scars before I freaked out…

“Sorry…” I mumbled, turning away from him. “I’m such a freak…”

“You’re not! What happened?” he asked. “Was that a panic attack?”

I nodded slowly, pushing my hands under my armpits so I didn’t have to see them. “Just take me home…”

“Okay, of course,” he said, but didn’t move until I did.

I didn’t look at him, not even once while I followed him back to his car. I refused to say a word to him, no matter how many times he asked if I was all right or if I needed anything. It was now he who was almost panicking, but I couldn’t find the strength to tell him anything. I still kept my hands hidden under my arms…

And at home, I refused to let him walk me to door, but he still followed. I couldn’t get my keys while I was too afraid to see my hands, so I pressed the doorbell with my elbow. Dad came to open the door for me.

“Jax,” he breathed out my name in worry the second he laid his eyes on me. “What happened?!”

“I don’t know. He–” Nic tried to speak, but I interrupted him.

“You can go now,” I said and escaped him into our home.

I heard Dad asking Nic to give him a moment just before I entered my bedroom and slammed the door shut.

And I broke down again only a second later.