I couldn’t really tell what was going on with my emotions and thoughts when I showed Nic my scars. The confusion got even worse when he didn’t step back. I wasn’t sure why I’d expected him to react in a negative way, and why I had wanted him to react badly. I had really wished he’d gag and look at me in disgust. I’d wanted him to leave and never come back.

But there he was, lying next to me in my bed, asking questions about my past.

I watched him closely when I let him push my sleeve back up so he could take another look at my skin. I didn’t like how I felt seeing his eyes on my scars, but I wasn’t panicking this time. I got even more uncomfortable when he moved his fingers slowly across my ugliest bits. I would’ve loved it if he found me ugly and left me the fuck alone for good.

Because then I wouldn’t have to deal with this. Whatever this was.

This thing between us.

“What’s this?” Nic asked quietly, tracing his finger along a long surgical scar on the inside of my left arm.

“That was the worst spot,” I muttered, trying not to remember the wounds when they were still healing, but those images were engraved in my mind. “The damage was so severe they had to take skin from my thighs to cover it. I have another spot here.”

I pulled the other sleeve up and showed the inside of my arm to him. That spot was smaller than on the left. Both of those spots looked pretty decent, but there were still wrinkles and discolorations here and there.

“Why didn’t they do that to other places as well?”

“Do you know how much it costs?” I asked with a snort. “The insurance only covered the life-threatening procedures. The rest were deemed cosmetic.”

“How much does it cost?”

I laughed again. “So many zeros even you start sweating.”

He frowned. “Can I ask… What happened? How did the fire start?”

I sighed and pulled my sleeves back down. “A faulty extension cord in our living room. I was told everyone in my family died in their sleep. Mom, Dad, my brother… They didn’t even know it was happening…”

Nic placed his hand on my side and pulled me into a hug.

“I can’t even imagine…”

“Don’t, please. It was a long time ago,” I muttered.

“Sure, of course,” he said.

I hated this situation. I couldn’t stand the pity in his eyes. It was another reason I rather kept my scars a secret. If people didn’t flinch away in disgust, they’d look at me just like Nic was looking at me now. I hated it. I hated every reaction to my scars. I just wanted…

I just wanted to be treated like a normal human being.

“So. You’re skipping classes now too?” I asked to change the subject.

“I couldn’t focus. I could only think about you. I had to come see you,” he said.

“Ugh…” I rolled my eyes.

“I was worried,” he continued, trying to be cute. “I just knew it was my fault…”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I said sternly.

“But it still was my fault,” he muttered. “You were so… I don’t know if you’ll rip my head off for this but… You were so afraid, and I didn’t know how to help and–”

“Just forget it, okay? Don’t beat yourself up because of it,” I said.

He let out a deep sigh, then spent a moment watching me. “Is there something I should know? I mean, in case it happens again? Like, what can I do or what I shouldn’t do or…?”

“What?” For some reason, all I could do was stare at him.

“Your father said it happens sometimes, so… If it happens again, is there something I could do?”

“You mean… When I have a panic attack?” I said, though I hated to admit I had panic attacks.

“Yeah.”

“I… I guess just…”

I was not prepared for this. For one, I’d never imagined Nic to stay after seeing my scars, and two, I’d assumed he wouldn’t care enough to even ask such questions.

“You did well yesterday,” I finally muttered. “Just stay calm, and…”

Don’t leave me alone…

No. No, no, no, no, no! Fuck, that next piece of advice was fucking hard to say out loud. I was never going to say such things to anyone, especially to a Gabriel!

“Just make sure I don’t run in front of cars and we’re good,” I ended up saying, avoiding his gaze.

“Anything else? It took a long time before you started calming down. Is there something I–”

“Look,” I said sternly, sitting up next to him. “I hate this conversation, all right? Just do what you did yesterday and you’re good.”

“Okay, of course,” he hurried to say and sat up as well, looking concerned. “I didn’t mean to make you mad… I just…”

Fuck.

Fucking fucking fuck!

I hated Nic so goddamn much. I hated the fact that he didn’t just leave. I hated the fact he was still here, looking concerned and trying to learn more about me. This was not how this was supposed to go!

“Why are you still here?” I asked, and I didn’t miss the pain in his eyes – caused by my words. “I mean… Why do you still put up with me?” I asked more gently.

The pain vanished, and he smiled. “Because you’re… You’re you.”

I raised my eyebrows at him. “Right. I forgot you like pain and humiliation.”

He laughed and carefully put his arms around me. “Yes. That.”

He hugged me. I let out a silent sigh. I wished he wasn’t there, but… Fuck’s sake… He was there. He was still there after seeing my scars, and after I was such a massive jerk to him once again.

And I’d never been hugged like that by anyone else except for my parents. His scent, his warmth, his touch…

“Are you feeling better now?” he asked in a quiet mutter.

I nodded. I was feeling better now. I didn’t really even care that he’d seen me panicking yesterday. None of it really bothered me anymore. 

“I’m proud I made you skip classes,” I said in a joking manner, and he did laugh at my words. “No, I’m not proud of it,” I added and sighed.

“I honestly couldn’t concentrate, so it didn’t matter if I’m here or there. And it was worth it,” he spoke. “I got to see you’re all right.”

I snorted at his words and pushed him back down, making him let out a small yelp, then a chuckle. Fuck, he looked hot when he looked up at me with a relaxed smile on his lips, his hair messy and eyes filled with warmth…

“You need to rest,” I told him. “You look like crap.”

“Sleep is for the weak,” he said with a shrug.

“Another sleepless night and that will be you,” I retorted, taking my spot next to him.

“Probably,” he muttered, taking my hand and placing it on his chest. “I’m glad you’re all right,” he whispered.

“Sleep. Now,” I said sternly, and he did close his eyes, but not his mouth.

“Don’t mind if I do…” he muttered.

It didn’t take longer than two or three minutes for him to pass out. I’d thought I was tired, but I couldn’t even close my eyes. I just watched him sleep, letting my mind wander.

I have a Gabriel in my bed…

I scolded myself. I had to get over his family. He did not deserve all the crap I threw at him. He didn’t deserve any of it. Again and again, he kept proving himself to me. He had never even needed to prove himself to me. He had never done anything wrong.

I could only hope my blowing skills were divine because that guy sure as hell deserved it after everything I’d put him through…

I sighed and smiled at Nic.

He stayed…

Nic really seemed to need the sleep. I tried to get rest as well, but I wasn’t anywhere near as tired as he was. I felt sorry for him. He’d already had sleeping problems, and I had only made things worse for him. At least he was now able to rest.

I stayed next to him for a while, but eventually I got out of bed and tried to think of something to do. Something that wouldn’t wake him up. I ended up choosing to do my homework since everything else would be too noisy, but I was spared from the torture only a moment later when Dad came to check up on us.

“Is he asleep?” he whispered by the door, and I nodded. “Poor kid. He looked like a zombie…”

“I know, right,” I muttered.

We both fell silent for a moment, and I already knew Dad had questions long before he continued talking.

“I didn’t know you’re friends with him,” he finally spoke tentatively.

“We’ve been hanging out lately,” I muttered.

“He seems like a good kid.”

I peered at Dad, then at Nic, who was hugging my pillow.

“He is,” I said quietly. “He’s so different from the rest of his family.”

“I had the feeling he was,” Dad said with a smile. “Knowing you have friends you can trust makes me feel better.”

A friend. I knew my parents were sad because I didn’t have friends at school. Or at all. If people weren’t such massive idiots, maybe then I would consider making new friends.

“Did you… tell him about your scars?” Dad asked when I didn’t reply to him.

“I did,” I muttered, looking down at my sleeves.

“I’m guessing he wasn’t a dick about it?”

I snorted in amusement and peered at him. He gave me a smirk. Last night, he’d tried to calm me down and convince me not everyone would be a dick about my scars. I had refused to listen to him.

“You were right,” I said. “He wasn’t a dick about it.”

“Good. I would’ve kicked his ass if he had,” Dad said with a smirk.

I smiled at him, but then sighed. “I guess I should check my attitude…”

Dad was silent for a moment, his smile turning a little sad. “I don’t really blame you. I’m just happy there’s someone who treats you right.”

“He’s great,” I muttered. “I don’t really deserve it but… Yeah…”

“So is he…?”

“Hmm?”

“Is he a friend friend, or something a bit more special than that?”

I felt a light blush creeping up on my cheeks, and I turned to look at Nic. “I guess… Not a friend friend, no…”

“I see,” Dad only said, so I dared to look back at him.

“I’m being careful, don’t worry,” I muttered. “But… He’s really not like his family.”

“How long have you two been…?”

“Not long, just a few weeks,” I said. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner… I just… I didn’t know if I could trust him. Not until now.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Dad said with a smile. “And I’m happy for you. A bit surprised, but happy, nonetheless.”

“Thanks.”

“And I’ll make sure Alex gives him a fair chance, too.”

I chuckled at his words. “Thanks. Though I doubt Pop can scare Nic off that easily.”

“What do you mean?”

I smirked at him. “He is dating me.”

Dad laughed. “Fair enough,” he said, and then peered at my schoolbooks. “You don’t feel like resting?”

I shrugged. “Nah, not really. I’m feeling much better now.”

“That’s great,” he said with such a warm look on his face that I had to smile too. “I’ll get out of your hair. Let me know if you guys need anything.”

“If Nic ever wakes up,” I said with a chuckle.

It really didn’t seem like Nic was going to wake up anytime soon. The image of him sitting for hours at our candy shop appeared in my head more often than once. His words from yesterday were still clear in my head.

Would he be happier if he wasn’t rich? No… His wealth had nothing to do with his unhappiness. I knew his family well enough. His father, in particular, was a massive snob who only cared about his business. I’d met him only a few times face-to-face years ago, but I doubted he had changed much. And he definitely would not approve of his son being gay. Two sons now, actually.

I wondered if Kenneth ever came out of the closet. He never did when he still lived here. Unless… Unless I was just a phase. A very short phase.

I shook my head, pushing the past out of my head. It didn’t matter anymore. The only thing I cared about now was that Nic was a good guy, and still interested in me after all the crap I put him through.

He really was nothing like his brother, after all.

But boy, was he tired. Four hours passed, and he didn’t wake up while I ran out of homework to do. When Pop came home from work, I left my room and quietly closed the door behind me, instantly gaining Pop’s attention.

“Why are you sneaking out of your own room?” he asked with a chuckle while putting his jacket away.

“Nic is sleeping,” I told him.

“He’s here?” he asked with a frown. “Not sure if I like the sound of that.”

“You do like the sound of that,” Dad said sternly when he joined us in the entrance hall. “Nic skipped school and came here to see if your son is all right.”

“Skipping school too, huh…?”

“Come on,” Dad snapped at him.

Maybe we were being too loud since at that moment, the door I just closed was opened, and Nic stepped out, looking like he was still half asleep.

“There you are,” he muttered when he saw me. Then he noticed my parents, and he immediately straightened his posture. “Oh, Hi. I…”

“Look who finally woke up,” I said.

“I’m sorry I fell asleep…” he mumbled on his way to us. “What time is it?”

“It’s past five.”

“Crap… Why didn’t you wake me up?” he asked, peering at Pop, who was squinting his eyes back at him.

“You needed the rest,” I said shortly, then turned my attention to Pop. “This is Nic.”

“Nicholas Gabriel, sir,” Nic said with a friendly smile but scared eyes as he offered his hand toward Pop.

“Alex,” Pop said when he shook his hand. He was suspicious, but at least he didn’t try to scare the crap out of Nic. “So you’re friends with my kid? I haven’t seen you around before.”

“And you won’t see him around anymore if you keep glaring at him like that,” I said to let Nic off the hook. “Do something about that resting bitch face.”

Pop laughed at my words. “Sorry – didn’t mean to intimidate you.”

Oh yes, he did.

“Please – I’m friends with this guy,” Nic dared to joke, nudging me with his elbow.

“Funny,” I said and snorted. “Do you have plans for today?”

“No. Do you?” Nic asked.

“No.”

He stared at me for a moment. “Should we… make plans for today?” he then said carefully.

I just shrugged. Poor guy. And my parents were still watching him.

“Let’s go for a drive,” I suggested. “I don’t feel like sitting indoors the entire day.”

“Sure,” Nic said, and the way he peered at my parents told me he was eager to get out. “It was nice meeting you.”

“Likewise,” Dad said. “Why don’t you join us for dinner sometime?”

“That would be lovely,” Nic said, and I tried to hold back my laugh.

“I’ll go grab my stuff.”

After bidding our farewell to my parents, and Nic and I were walking to his car, I finally let that laugh out.

“What?”

“Lovely,” I repeated. “Your polite side gives me the creeps.”

“What’s wrong with lovely?” he asked with a smirk.

“It sounds so pretentious.”

“But it does sound lovely,” he said. “Your parents seem nice.”

“Everyone seems nice compared to me,” I joked as I sat down in his car.

“That’s not true,” Nic said and sat behind the wheel. “I think you’re lovely.”

I snorted and laughed hard.

“I’m serious,” he tried to say with a grin, but it only made me laugh harder.

“Sure,” I finally muttered, wiping tears from my eyes.

“You are,” he said with a smile on his face.

“Just drive,” I replied, but I had to admit, his words did cause something in me.

Something lovely.