When we stepped inside the mall I kept holding Jax's hand. I didn't feel nervous about it - no one didn't even seem to notice Jax was in fact a guy.
I felt Jax's hand tremble a bit at first, but he relaxed soon.
The mall was huge. I had never been there before so I knew we would get lost soon, but I didn't care. The longer we would be lost the longer I got to be with Jax.
And that was all and everything I wanted. I felt like this was who I was supposed to be - I was meant to be by Jax's side. I hadn't even notice that while I was trying to make Jax to fall for me I had fallen for him.
I looked at the hand I was holding in mine. Jax had long and lean fingers and they felt different in my hand - it was definitely not a girl's hand. Jax's hand was bigger and stronger and more soothing than anyone else's.
"I could eat something", Jax said and pointed at the restaurants.
I nodded, letting his low voice echo in my mind. He had a husky and soft voice - I could not stop myself from trying to imagine how Jax would sound like while moaning my name. The times when I had kissed him and he had let out small breaths gave me a good hint for what to expect - and I knew I was going to love his sounds when he was being satisfied by me.
We walked in to the restaurant and Jax excused him and left me alone at our table to go to toilets. I watched closely his lean body while he walked away. He had long legs and round ass and I wondered how he would look naked in front of me.
Is it getting hot in here?
I had to stop thinking about him. I was already feeling uncomfortable in my pants. If I kept thinking about him any longer I would get painfully hard.
How did this happen? How on earth I fell for another guy? And not just any other guy - I fell for Jax the Snake!
But he's not like that, is he?
The real Jax was nothing like a snake. The real Jax was like a kitten - he had claws but he was over all cute and sweet.
To think he had such a horrible past. No wonder he didn't like anyone. I did remember him from middle school - and I remembered painfully well how we used to make fun of him.
I used to bully him..
It was heartbreaking to think. I hated myself for ever calling him names and teasing him about his burn marks. How cruel I had been? How dared I even be close to him or look him in the eye? He had been fighting for his life when he got badly hurt and scarred for life, and we had just called him a freak!
When Jax got back I was on the verge of tears.
"I'm just really sorry about everything", I said to him and he looked really annoyed.
"It's not like you were the leader of my bullies", he said to me. "Look - I know kids can be cruel, especially when they don't understand what they are seeing."
"But I -"
"Just stop, alright? I forgive you. I know now you are not like that", Jax spoke while he was looking trough the menu.
I looked at him, trying my hardest to fight back my emotions. I had hurt him.
Oh - I'm doing a lot worse right now.
The bet! I couldn't breathe properly at that moment, when it finally hit me what kind of horrible person I was. I was with Jax because that stupid bet! If he ever would find out about it he would never forgive me.
Oh my God what I have done!
"So - what you want to eat?" Jax asked.
I had lost my appetite. I was such a horrible person I had never stopped to think how Jax would feel when the bet was over. How hurt he would be. This sweet person in front of me would never trust anyone ever again. And he would hate me - not like he hated me at first - no, he would wish a thousand deaths upon me for playing with him like that. He would never ever forgive me.
What have I done!!
"I'll have what you have", I said with a trembling voice.
"Nic - it really is alright - I don't blame you", Jax said with a small smile on his face.
Jax was finally opening up to me and letting me close. He let me see the real him with his horrible past, even though he had to be scared of my reaction. He was falling for me - I knew it in my heart.
What the Hell have I done?
Nic seemed to be shaken after learning who I was back in the middle school. The rest of the time we were at the mall he was quiet and jumpy.
The mall was really big and we spend there hours just walking around. I got myself few new T-shirts and new pair of boots, but Nic didn't seem to be too into shopping.
"We can go home if you want to", I said eventually, when Nic seemed to get gloomier and gloomier over time.
"No", he snapped. "I mean - I want to spend time with you", he said with more kind voice.
I raised my eyebrows. "Then be with me - you are being really distant."
"I'm sorry", he said and pulled me close to him. "There's just so much to think about. But I want to be with you."
I gave him a small smile and kissed his lips shortly. "It's alright. I know you have a lot in your mind right now."
Nic smiled at me and kissed me again. "Who would have known that the Jax the Snake is actually really amazing person", he said. "I have a new nickname for you."
"Yeah? Do I even want to hear it?" I asked chuckling.
"Jax the Kitten", he said and pecked my lips lightly.
I bit harshly his lower lip. "Kitten? You better come up with something better."
"How about Jax the fluffy bunny?"
"Even worse", I laughed.
"Look at you - you are so sweet and funny person. I hate myself for not seeing it before", Nic said with a weird gleam in his eyes.
I didn't know what to say at that point. I was completely lost in his eyes. I was finally myself with him, and he didn't reject me. He seemed to like the real me with my scars and all.
"My little kitten - I'm so sorry for hurting you", Nic whispered.
Is he still talking about what happened years ago?
Did Nic take it this personally? I didn't even remember if he ever even bullied me. I only remembered Kenneth.
"Stop beating yourself up because of it", I told him sternly.
He didn't answer to me. Instead he kissed me once more and his lips on mine were more desperate than ever.
I really did hope everything was alright with him.