I wake up wrapped in Ash's arms screaming. I quickly push him off the bean bag in which I was sleeping and see my sweatshirt wadded up in the corner opposing me. I remember yesterday. Terror explodes into me. It slithers down my papery, enfeebled skin like a tongue of a mother snake searching for the eggs I stole from its nest of twig and grass. Searching and prowling its way through my clothes and into my body, entering into my soul and out my mouth.

How long have I been asleep? By the judge of the sunlight bleeding in through the curtains, it’s mid-afternoon. Ash is awake now.

“Are you okay? What’s going on?” There’s no bite to his tone. There never is.

“I-I’m sorry.” I collapse on the ground. The weight of everything comes crashing down on me like the tsunami of dead bodies from my dream. No, it’s worse than the tsunami. I don’t get to wake up. 

He’s beside me in a second, cradling my frail body. I bury my face in his black t-shirt. I soak it with my tears.

“I’m so sorry.” I utter, “I’m sorry this happened.” I pick myself up, find my footing, and search for my bag. I had completely forgotten. Panic runs through my veins. Ash must see my eyes widen because he stands up after me.

“Rogue is fine. Don’t worry about her.”

“Rogue?” a wave of dizziness washes over me and I can’t comprehend even the simplest of phrases. Am I going insane?

“The dog.” He laughs. "You know, because she's on her own." I guess that’s her name now. I look up at him. I see his emerald eyes, seeping warmth wherever they proceed.

“Oh, your shirt.” I realize his shirt is drenched from my sobbing. I reach my hand out to wipe at his shirt. After a few seconds I quickly pull away, realizing what I’m doing. A memory flashes through my vision and I can’t breath. Did that really happen?

“Don’t,” He swallows, “Don’t worry about it.” I abruptly plaster my eyes to the ground and walk around Ash. I grab my bag and scoop up Rogue, trying to forget everything.

“I should be getting home. I have to pack everything up.”

“Yeah.” He looks like he wants to say more but he says nothing. His hand rubs the back of his neck.

“Goodbye.” I start to mope away when I feel his firm grip on my wrist.

“You could stay with me.” He blurts out. “I mean if you want to. There’s plenty of space. I could help you bring your mattress over if you’re not comfortable sleeping on the beanbag. I don’t know. Please say something.” He holds his breath and releases my arm. I want to say yes. I know it is probably best for me. His cramped, lumpy beanbag and tiny corner store is probably safer than any small space I could find in a nearby alley.

“No. Have a good day.” I turn and scurry away. He says something but I’m too far to hear him. I don’t look back.  

When I finally get to the apartment, I take a shower. I smell disgusting and have no clue how Ash could breathe without gagging when near me. As I feel the scorching hot water rain down my face and body, I think of Ash. I ponder why I said no, why I’m so determined to push away any human worth two cents. 

Once I’m clean, I grab a ragged towel from the cupboard under the sink. I dry myself off and dress in my sweatpants and hoodie. I pack all my belongings into my backpack and set it beside the couch, ready to leave. I grab my only blanket and Rogue, lay down, and fall asleep immediately. The next morning, I wake up to pounding on my door.