Mwah welcomed them into his shanty, gently caressing the sunglasses, and motioned for them to sit. Tommy and Ben took a quick look at two of the small chairs. It was hard to distinguish where one species began and the other ended.

“Uh. No thanks, Mwah, we’ll just stand for now. Don’t wanna cramp up or anything.” Tommy Tony gently nudged away a small human hand that collapsed onto his boot.

“May I offer either of you some okra? The people who used to live here grew a very large amount of it.” Mwah gave the scientist a dirty look.

“Used to?” Ben Jeremy looked at Tommy Tony, who sensed his partner’s discomfort.

“Don’t take that for malice,” he whispered. “He sometimes forgets which side he’s fighting for. Being a mercenary, he’s probably worked with both sides equally.”

“What?!" Ben Jeremy whisper yelled. "Then why the hell is he on your list?” 

“Will you keep your voice down?” Tommy Tony whisper screamed back and shook the white-coated man’s arm vigorously. Years of lifting nothing heavier than a calculator had rendered him quite fragile, and the act was very painful. “Look, I know it sounds crazy, but this guy has probably killed hundreds more llamas than even me. If you know how to work with him, or at least around him, he’s good to have along. Besides, look at that gun he has.” Tommy Tony pointed to the shiny white weapon.

“Looks a little overcomplicated. If it’s so damn special, why don’t we just take it and run?”

“Well, for starters, that’s a real shitty thing to do to a person.”

Ben Jeremy shrugged.

“Secondly,” Tommy Tony continued, “I’ve never been able to figure the damn thing out. It can’t have a normal trigger. I mean, look at the ugly bastard! He has hooves instead of fingers.”

“Yeah, I’ll be honest here, I’m sort of confused as to how they even hold and grip things.” Ben Jeremy scratched at his chin, deep in thought.

Mwah StrongNeck leaned forward and bumped his head into both of his guests. “You do realize I can hear every word you're saying, right?” Mwah used his enormous arms to show just how small the shanty was. He couldn’t even stretch them without hitting both men in the knees.

Ben Jeremy and Tommy Tony gave each other a nervous glance, then began to whistle. Tommy Tony even started playing music by slapping his thighs.

“You don’t have to play dumb with me. I’m a mercenary. You pay me, I kill who you point me at. We don’t have to be friends or allies. That’s one of the perks of using a merc. Laser rifle and all is yours to command.” Mwah spoke with confidence, but the look on his face betrayed his true feelings. However such a thing would look on a llama, that is.

“Hey, don’t talk like that!" Tommy Tony placed a gentle hand on the llama’s shoulder. "There’s a ton of people I could have hired for this mission. But I wouldn’t have wanted anyone but you!” 

“Laser rifle?” Ben Jeremy asked.

“You really mean it? Even after I accidently threw that kid to their death?” Mwah was getting teary eyed.

“Of course I mean it.” Tommy Tony gave the creature a reassuring smile. “You apologized, and that’s all that matters.”

“Seriously, did you say laser?” Ben Jeremy continued. “Where in the hell did he get a laser rifle?”

“I know the life of a mercenary isn’t glamorous, or one to be proud of, but ever since I hatched from my egg-”

“That’s not what happened!" Tommy Tony interrupted. "Mammals, Mwah, mammals!” 

“If we’re mammals, then why don’t humans eat us?” Mwah turned his giant nose up.

“Okay, yes, humans eat mammals. But I dunno, something feels different about it when they can, like, walk and talk. Not cannibalism per se. Besides what would you know? Llamas don’t eat meat, do they?” Tommy Tony wasn't sure how the topic got so mixed up.

“How would I know? Those assholes abandoned me when I was a cria. It’s probably better that we don’t anyway. It’s terrible. It’s the texture really.”

“When have you had the opportunity to-” Tommy Tony looked at the massive pile of bodies and wisely decided to abandon the question. Best not to know which of the two species had satisfied his curiosity. “So, what do you say, Mwah? Are you coming with us or not?”

Mwah flipped the sunglasses in his hooves and slapped them onto his face. Somehow. “I’m in. Just know, I’m only doing this for the leather jacket.”

“Hey, those look pretty good on you!” Ben Jeremy genuinely complimented the llama.

Mwah immediately threw the sunglasses off his face. They crashed to the ground and landed under his hooves. He deliberately looked the scientist in the eye, then furiously smashed the glasses. “You ruined it!”

“What? How did I-” Ben Jeremy started to ask.

Mwah cut in quite ferociously, "I already don’t like you.” 

Tommy Tony erupted into a laughing fit and was soon joined by the mercenary, while Ben Jeremy made a face like he just made out with a lemon.

When his laughing finally ceased, Tommy Tony let out a big sigh. “Now come on. Let’s go commit genocide against an entire people.”

“Can we get cocoa on the way?” Mwah looked up with big doe eyes. Well, llama eyes in this case.

“Okay, let’s go get some cocoa.” Tommy Tony and Mwah locked their arms and walked out of the shanty. 

“Seriously, did you say laser rifle?” Ben Jeremy asked the empty room.