I lay back down, but can’t sleep. Ash is beside me in the chair and his leg is bouncing up and down, up and down, up and down. It puts me in a trance until I feel his fingers enlace with my own. I guess my eyes are closed, because he thinks I’m asleep. 

His head hangs low and he kisses my hand.

“I am so sorry.” He whispers. “I am so, so sorry.”

I can remember it clearly now. The night the boy died. Ash was there. He was strong. He calmed me down when nobody else was there...

A nurse opens the door and my eyes flick open. I look to Ash for an explanation and he quickly releases his gentle grip, wiping his hands on his black, ripped jeans. The nurse introduces herself as Mrs. Luani. 

She has olive skin, and is very professional-looking. Her glasses are perched on the tip of her sloped nose. She is towering and slender, walking around like she owns the place. She holds her head high and speaks in a formal tone. 

She goes on and on about my shoulder and how I have to take care of it and what not to eat with the pain medication. She explains to me what all my injuries are but I zone out for most of it. All I grasp is I have a healing concussion, dislocated shoulder, bullet wound, and a cracked humerus. There are also many tiny wounds like cuts and bruises covering my body. When they let me out to use the restroom, Ash is right there beside me to help walk. He offers to walk me into the bathroom too, but I refuse. 

It’s a small unisex bathroom, and the walls are all the same tan that were in the hospital room. I turn to stare into a cracked mirror, and start to scrutinize all my features. A cut under my eye, bruise on my right cheekbone- but at least they cleaned me off. I let my eyes travel down and take in my left arm, wrapped in white gauze and in a sling. I look away quickly and don’t let myself see any more. I relieve myself, get up, and stare at my hands while I wash them so as to not gaze into the eyes of the person I do not know in the mirror.

I step out and Ash is leaning against the wall. As soon as he sees me he stands up straight and slaps a crooked smile on his face.

“We need to talk.” I say without looking his way.