"Please don't try to kiss me on the sidewalk, on your cigarette break. I can't afford to love someone who isn't dying by mistake in Silver Lake."

~Billie Eilish, 'xanny'

~~~

*Easton's POV*

"Fucking hell," I groan, rubbing my face in an attempt to chase away the exhaustion. I've only been Alpha for less than a week, and I'm already starting to feel worn down.

'You're a fucking disgrace.'

'You know what would help?' Elias's chipper voice counteracts my much darker inner voice. 'Seeing our mate!'

'You know why we can't do that,' I remind him gruffly. 'He doesn't even know he's our mate yet.'

Elias remains unfazed, as always. 'So let's go tell him! He's going to find out sooner or later, and he might be upset to learn you kept it a secret from him.'

'He's going to be upset that he's mated to a man.'

Growling in frustration from the battling voices in my head, I block Elias out and grab a pack of cigarettes off my desk. Most wolves frown upon smoking; believing we shouldn't consume anything that could harm our bodies. After all, we were gifted these forms by our goddess.

Well, no offense to them, but I really need a fucking smoke.

I sneak around to the back of the pack house, making sure no one is following me. An Alpha is supposed to be a strong leader, and smoking to relieve stress is a sign of weakness. And I can't have my pack seeing any weakness in me.

Placing the stick between my lips, a flick the lighter and burn the end of the cigarette until it glows. I draw in a deep breath, letting the smoke burn in my lungs before exhaling and watching it rise to the sky. The grey smoke twists in the air; a graceful dance until it gradually disappears. Watching the smoke proves to be more relaxing than actually smoking, so I keep blowing the smoke up above my head.

I wonder how nice it is to be smoke; something that is released so freely until it disappears of its own volition. Not being weighted down or tethered to this world. Free, with life so peacefully fleeting.

"Cigarette break?"

My head snaps to the side, eyes widening at the sight of Landon Grey standing not even twenty feet from me. How did I not sense him coming? Was I really that focused on watching the smoke that I didn't notice my own mate? Goddamn it, what kind of fucking leader can't stay alert?

"Hey," I smile lazily, despite the condescending thoughts beating me down.

"Hi," Landon says hesitantly, glancing down at the cigarette in my hand.

I raise an eyebrow. "Does this bother you?"

He bites his bottom lip. Cute. "I don't want to disrespect you, Alpha Easton."

I smirk at that. Yup, he definitely has no clue that we're mates. "You can just call me Easton," I tell him.

"Easton," he repeats with a nod, making my heart melt from the way my name sounds on his lips. I feel Elias squirming in my mind, and I unblock our connection.

'Stop doing that!' Elias growls, and I roll my eyes.

"So, Landon," I start, ignoring my pissed off wolf. "What brings you to the pack house?"

"I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Oh?" I perk up, my heart rate accelerating. "About what?"

Landon shuffles his feet, appearing uncomfortable. "I was wondering if..." his voice trails off to an incoherent mumble, and I tilt my head quizzically.

"Can't hear you, pumpkin," I say, the nickname accidentally slipping out and making his cheeks burn dark red.

"W-Why am I the pumpkin?" He sputters in embarrassment.

I shrug. "I've been called those names my whole life. Thought it would be fun to try it on someone else."

That's a lie. Calling him pumpkin was an accident, but his reaction was so cute that I don't want to take it back now.

"Whatever," he huffs, his cheeks still tinged pink. "I wanted to ask if I did something to offend you."

I furrow my brows. "Why would you think that?"

"You kept staring at me the other night. Like, a lot. I couldn't tell if I had angered you or maybe just had food on my face."

'He thought you were mad at him,' Elias whines. 'You need to tell him the truth!'

Sighing, I crush the cigarette beneath my foot. "You didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

Landon nods slowly, fidgeting with his fingers. "Can I ask why you were staring at me then?"

"It's... complicated," I say lamely, making Landon frown.

'Like hell it is,' Elias growls quietly.

"Can't you just tell me? Look, I'm sorry that I keep bothering you about it, but it's going to bug me until I know why my Alpha was staring at me like that."

My lips twitch up. "Like what?"

He averts his oceanic blue eyes to the ground. "I don't know, exactly. It just made me feel... strange."

"Strange," I echo flatly, and Landon nods once.

"Like, my stomach twisted, but not in a bad way? I'm not really sure how to explain it."

'Is he trying to say he got butterflies?' Elias ponders, and my smile widens. He's so damn cute.

"So?" Landon pushes, blue eyes piercing my green ones. I open my mouth to give another lame excuse, but Elias senses what my intentions are and decides to take control of the situation.

"You're my mate," Elias blurts out through my mouth, and my cheeks instantly heat up.

'You'll thank me later,' Elias whispers before fading back into my mind.

Landon blinks. "I— huh?"

I swallow thickly. "You're my mate," I reiterate quietly, knowing it's pointless to try and backpedal.

"But I'm not gay," he deadpans, and my heart sinks.

"Neither was I," I say, even though I know deep down that's not entirely true. I've found guys attractive my entire life. But it's not like I've ever told anyone that. "Look, I'm not expecting anything right away. You still have two years before you'll feel the connection, and I can wait for you to be ready."

Landon gazes at me in a daze. "Uh, sorry. This is just... unexpected. It's going to take a while for me to get used to it. Holy shit, the Alpha is my mate!"

I chuckle at his reaction. "Take as much time as you need. I won't ask for anything you're not comfortable with. Only that you let me get to know you."

His shoulders relax as he nods. "That sounds okay. Thanks."

Smiling, I start to walk away. Landon is suddenly at my side, gripping my arm. The contact sends electric tingles throughout my limb, and Elias purrs. I raise my eyes to Landon's blushing face, and he quickly releases my arm.

"Er..." Landon scratches the back of his neck. "You shouldn't leave that cigarette there. It's bad for the environment."

So. Fucking. Cute.

I stoop down to the ground, making a show of picking up the cigarette and winking at Landon. His blush deepens, and I laugh softly as I head back to the pack house.