⚠️ Read at you own risk ⚠️

⚠️ Contains very sensitive part ⚠️

Monday again. The laziest and cursed day of the week. I'm so sick about this Monday-sitis. 

I arrived in the class room sweating profusely. Imagine the distance from the gate until this building and your room is on the fourth floor. I almost got late. What a nice Monday.

They were all looking at me. Holdup, did I commit a crime? a treason? 

I just ignored it. I just walked and sat in my seat and opened my notebook which was full of plans.

What can be done in the remaining 16 days?

We will go picnic with sister and her family, buy him medicines and a lot more. Maybe I should invite dad's relatives and we could sing and have a lunch at our house? Sounds great. I will inform this to her. 

During the Science time, our good teacher organized us into a group. This is what I really hate task. 

This is so nice. Sharon, Mari, Ian, and two other classmates were just in my group. They're the ones who made a gossip about Amor. I don't have so much evidence that I am Amor, so I would like to ignore it for the mean time.

Each members were given a task and I'm just right here, quietly listening to their conversation. They are already assigning what we will bring on Friday.

And that is where our interaction ends. Before I go home, I will buy items first. Our meeting adjourned. I was about to returned to my proper seat but Max was there.

My notes were on my table. I hope he won't touch any of my things or else I will crush his bones. I don't care if they will hate me for doing that. They don't even like me in the first place so why bother? 

They talked about Amor again. But I ignored them. I don't want to stress myself. And as usual, I skipped the recess again.

"I always see you here. Are you still eating?" Ed asked.

I just nodded at him. I don't want to read anything now. I just want to get away from my classmates first. I remember what I did before. 

* Flashback

"Sadie, I forgot to bring 'that item'. Can you take it? It's in the plastic, just next to my seat." Sharon commanded with a soft tone.

Sadie? they're so, plastic. Why not just use the code name? After all, I know who that is. You have the strength to say that to my back. I hope I can say that all.

"All right." I answered.

We have an experiment to do in the science lab. And yes, Sharon and I are in a group. Why is it like that? Of all people, I was grouped with them. Seriously, our teacher is heartless.

I went to the room right away, and there was no one here.

I immediately went to Sharon's seat and carried the plastic.

This? 

It is said that it is used for frog poisoning. Is it also effective in humans?

I closed the door and left the room. I walked slowly on the way to the science lab.

Wondering if .... what would happen if I drink this thing? 

After all, they will be happy when I am gone.

My heart beats faster. 

Can I do it? 

I went to the girls' CR, still carrying that item.

I sighed. I only heard my heavy breathing inside this comfort room. 

There are a lot of questions bothering me. I gulped as I slowly removing the plastic. 

"Can you do it?"

"Will they be happy if I do this?"

"Will my family be happy because there is no more burden in the house?"

"Will I be happy to do this?"

I looked at myself in the mirror. See. That is the face of the loser.

Face of a shame, at school and at home.

I put the plastic bag in the sink and took out the item. Only my breath can be heard inside the CR. My uniform is soaked with sweat. There's no coming back now---

"SADIE !!" I heard one of my group member shouted. "HEY! What are you doing there?"

"ha?" we looked at each other. I'm not in myself anymore.

"We're waiting for you. Come on. We need it now." She held my hand, and took it. She even lend me her handkerchief so that I could wipe my sweat and tears.

"That's yours now, no need to laundry and gave back."

"Thank you." she smiled. 

We entered the Science lab together as if nothing happened.

* end of flashback

I remember that day again .... I almost ... committed suicide.

Fortunately, I still remember the past. Because I don't want to do it again, I will never ever cross in my mind again about taking my life. I will never do it again, I promise.

I was too selfish then. I do not think of the people who are important to me. Now, I appreciate the life that has been given to me. And I will never waste this chance.

"Sadie?" Ed held my shoulder and I looked at him. "Why are you crying?" he asked.

I touched my cheek. There are tears dripping from my eyes.

"Because ..... I'm not okay."

"Let's go to the canteen, and eat. Don't worry, it's my treat."

"But--"

"I won't take NO as an answer. Food is a good medicine you know?"

"If you say so. Do I have a choice?"

He treated me a meal, a snack and even a drink. "Thank you so much."

"nahh, you're getting thinner. I'm not used to it. You need to get fat again."

"You're so mean!" I give him a light punch and we laughed. 

"That's better. I haven't seen you smiling or laughing. I'm relieved."

"I'm actually anxious about something, but thanks to you, I feel better now."

"Quit it. You're flattering me that much."

He seems he knew what I'm struggling with. He's truly a good friend.