The Rescued Woman had made up her mind. This man was a sociopath, but he was a human sociopath. Perhaps if she followed him long enough, they would stumble upon a colony and she could ditch him there. He was at least good at killing llamas, and that offered her some protection.

“What are you up to?” Tommy Tony kept reaching for his Uzis and stopping himself.

“Just doing some reasoning,” she answered.

“What’s that?” Tommy Tony asked.

“Reasoning?” she replied, trying not to show her concern.

“Yeah.” He made for his weapons again but stopped and crossed his arms over his chest.

She pointed at his guns. “What is it that you keep doing there?” 

“I… I’m not sure if I put the safeties back on. Like, I know I did, but there’s this doubt that eats at me. I wanna check, but if I do, then I’m just letting that urge win. Then I’ll be checking all the damn time and will have lost all control.” Tommy Tony looked at the ground.

The Rescued Woman turned on her heels, ready to make a break for it, when she saw two figures approaching.

“You bump into me one more time, white coat, and I swear to god I’ll chew through your taint!” Mwah screamed out.

Coming right for her and Tommy was a terrifying llama with a strange gun pointed at a scientist. She wondered if this llama escaped Tommy Tony’s rampage and had taken a hostage. She prayed she wasn’t about to witness a death or be forced to come to terms with her own.

“You know, Tommy Tony, if your plan is to save the human race, it may be prudent to leave some areas intact for them.” Mwah pointed to the swath of destruction Tommy had caused.

Tommy Tony couldn’t help but notice Ben Jeremy leaning to one side. His left leg appeared to be bandaged by a disturbing amount of llama furs and skins.

“By the looks of it, you guys got into some serious action as well.” Tommy Tony pointed to the scientist’s leg. The logistics of how said furs came to be were a matter Tommy Tony chose not to think about.

“Action my ass!” Ben Jeremy shouted. “Mwah fucking shot me! Again!”

“Friendly fire is inevitable.” Mwah followed his reply with several weird llama noises. No one knew what they were supposed to mean.

“We weren’t in a fight! You know for a fact that you did that on purpose!”

“You startled me,” Mwah retorted.

“You asked me to look at the gun, then shot me in the leg!” Ben Jeremy threw his hands in the air, and the briefcase attached to his wrist slammed into his hip bone.

Tommy Tony attempted a stern, fatherly tone. “Maybe we should all just agree that you have to be more careful.”

For the next several minutes, Tommy Tony and The Rescued Woman listened to the scientist rant and rave about how he was being treated on this journey. Mostly lamenting that the mission only existed because of him and he deserved more respect. Mwah was noticeably collecting things off the ground during the tirade.

“Welp.” Mwah let out a huge yawn. “I think it’s been a long day for all of us so maybe we should hit the sack.” Mwah was possibly speaking literally. He had made several beds that were woven together with various body parts, many of which were sacks. The llama platoon must have massacred the humans who had settled here, given how many human extremities were in each pile.

The Rescued Woman, not accustomed to such casual use of gore, began hoping this wasn’t some sort of cult indoctrination thing.

“I think Mwah has the right idea,” Tommy Tony agreed. “We all need to get some rest.”

“You’re in luck, monkeys. I was feeling generous and made beds for all of you as well.” Mwah was already laying atop one of the ‘beds’ and pointing to the others. At some point he must have run out of body parts, since one bed was made of leaves and the llama platoons sleeping bags.

Ben Jeremy glanced at the comforting, limbless, pile of sleeping bags and sighed.

“Maybe it would be right to give that woman you rescued the bed not made of slaughter.” Ben Jeremy gave her a thoughtful glance.

Tommy Tony stopped walking towards the comfy bed at the scientist’s suggestion. “Well, yeah, of course.” He looked longingly in the bed’s direction, believing that sometimes being the hero didn’t pay off.

Tommy and Ben surveyed the remaining beds. One was made of severed hands with forearms still attached, while the second was slightly larger and made entirely of feet and hooves.

“So, which is the lesser of two evils here?” Tommy Tony was asking himself the question more than Ben Jeremy.

“Well, basically, it’s a choice between the one that probably smells the worst and the one that’s liable to grope you throughout the night,” Ben Jeremy offered, responding anyway.