Chandra laid on Kartika’s spare mattress, staring at the white ceiling of the room. Her sister’s soft snores could be heard on the bed above her, the gentle ticking of the bedside clock accompanying the darkness.

Chandra sighed quietly. She took her sister’s bolster with the faded Doraemon print and gently hugged it to her chest. 

It was a little harder to fall asleep tonight.

The thoughts in her mind flew faster than her ability to regain a sense of groundedness. She was thinking of whether she should meet the anthropology grad students during their gathering, unsure of whether she had the strength to face certain people from her past. She wondered if she was merely avoiding things because she was scared.

She closed her eyes for a moment, listening to the ticking of Kartika’s clock. It continued to mark the passing of time despite everything that had ever happened, and she began to understand.

The past can catch up to you no matter how far and how fast you run. 

The steady ticking of the clock filled the drums of her ears, seemingly inviting her to make a decision. Will she continue to allow the past to haunt her, or have it meet its resolution by looking at it straight in the eye?

She slowly opened her eyes. Quietly, so as to not wake her sister, she reached for her phone and opened her messages.

Nadira Shahab:

Hi Kak, I hope you got back to your sister’s place okay! 

The others said they would love to see you again if you’re interested :) 

Kak Kyra asked if you wanted to swing by our gathering again sometime? Lmk!

Chandra stared at her screen, reading the last line of the text again. 

Elga and Biru had reassured her that everything would be fine if she went, but as soon as they had left, the doubts began creeping back in. The last thing Chandra wanted to do was bring up anything unpleasant for anyone involved. Especially if the person she was worried of offending actually wanted her to be there and wasn’t just inviting her to be polite. 

Chandra let out a slow exhale, the sound gently filling the room. She hugged the bolster a little tighter, admitting that in her 27 years on earth, she was still carrying the anxiety of facing her past. 

She wondered what was in the mind of the person who had extended the invitation. 

This person had entered the canteen so gracefully, so comfortably, as if she was dancing. Legs gliding atop the canteen floor, arm raised high in a greeting and in an apology that she was late, smile graced so effortlessly upon her face.

She had changed somewhat. She seemed taller if that was possible. A confident maturity now sat on her shoulders, her playfulness and intelligence still firm in her gaze. Her hair was as black as ever, but it was much longer than it had been before. Chandra had noticed that it now brushed against her elbows as she walked. 

It could have been a harmless reunion. But Chandra’s legs had abruptly stood when Nadira had asked if she remembered the person who had just arrived, nervously laughing to say that her sister had suddenly texted her to come home. She had then turned on her heel and walked towards the exit as fast as she could. 

Chandra quietly groaned at the memory, gently smacking her forehead in the dark. There were so many other things she could have done aside from running away.

Kartika rolled over in her sleep. Her eyes slowly blinked open, squinting at the light of Chandra’s phone. “Kak,” Kartika slowly said, yawning in the darkness. “You haven’t slept yet?”

Chandra turned to look at her and smiled, locking her phone before placing it on her stomach. “Nah, just thinking.”

“Hmm,” Kartika sleepily leaned her chin on her arm. “About what?”

Chandra paused, wondering if she should tell Kartika the truth. She chose her words carefully. “About… this gathering I was invited to. There’s people that I haven’t seen in a very long time.”

“Like a reunion?”

“Something like that,” Chandra turned to look thoughtfully at the ceiling. “I’m just not sure I’m ready to meet them, that’s all.”

Kartika hummed into her arm, suppressing a yawn. “Are ya not ready to meet them ’cause you’re afraid of what they might think of you?” she tilted her head sleepily. “Or that ya won’t enjoy meeting them?”

Chandra blinked and turned to look at her sister. Kartika was very much half-asleep but surprisingly awake enough to ask such a question. She paused to think for a moment.

“The… former, I suppose,” Chandra finally answered. 

Kartika sleepily nodded, stretching her limbs before responding. “Well. As long as ya know you can choose how you're gonna let it affect ya,” she yawned again before resting her head back on her arm. “You’re gonna be just fine.”

Chandra watched as Kartika slowly drifted back to sleep. A smile of amusement spread across her face as she gently pulled Kartika’s blanket over her shoulders, rubbing her back to bid her goodnight. Her sister had truly grown up indeed.

Chandra turned her attention back to her phone, unlocking it again to re-read Nadira’s text once and then a couple of times more.

Should she go after all?

Chandra Prawiraharja:

Yes, I’d love to.