I like that moment, getting out of a theater or an opera house when the world is the same but it also feels different. Because you just experienced something you are still a little lost in, you still feel all those emotions that aren’t truly real but could fool you. Especially when the sky is darker than when you went in.

Usually, I take a moment to just stand there and look at the people leave the building too, take in their emotions, slowly letting the real world taking over. But today, I am focusing on Scott. “So? What did you think about the play?”

“Can I be honest with you, Andrew Scott?”

“Always.”

“I don’t remember ever going to the theater. I mean, I’ve been to the movie theater, I’ve been to an improv competition once, I have been invited to a couple of drag shows, and I have been dragged to a Broadway-style musical once, but… going to watch a play always seemed like something other people do. Intellectual people, whatever that means. Just… people with more cultural knowledge.”

“So you were bored,” I sum up.

“No. It wasn’t what I expected at all. It was great. Let’s not pretend that I would have been here without you but I am sure that I would have enjoyed that even without you.”

“Did I convert you to performing arts?”

“Maybe. I can’t deny that I enjoyed one hundred percent of the performances today. But to go back to the play… It was great. The story was interesting the decors were great, the light was surprisingly more than just there to light the stage, and the actors were great. All of them. Even the one who stole boyfriend B. Especially him, actually. I really wanted to look at him and assess the person and he often made me forget that he was something other than his character.”

“So it’s not weird that I’m a little bit a fan of his?”

“I mean… I don’t know. I never had a boyfriend, so I don’t know about ex-boyfriends and all of that, but… If you reached a point where there are no hard feelings, and you can enjoy that Paul person’s work… it’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

“I guess.”

Scott checks his phone. “Alright, Andrew Scott. I have an hour before I should head to the precinct. Do you want me to take you home or do you want us to go somewhere and debrief that play even further?”

I don’t think I am ready to let this un-date end yet. “What do you have in mind?”

“We could go somewhere and get drinks. But I’m working and you’re behaving, so it will have to be the kind of drinks minors can get without a fake ID.”

“You have the weirdest way of phrasing stuff, has anyone ever told you that?”

“Maybe once or twice.”

“What is it like to be a cop?” I ask him as we sit down with our non-alcoholic drinks. We have discussed the play all the way here and I am ready for a change of subject.

“It’s like any other job, I guess. There are good days, bad days, exciting days, boring days…”

“Something tells me that your highs and lows are higher and lower than they would be in any other profession, though.”

“Maybe,” he admits. “Saving a life, giving someone closure on a traumatic event, or seeing someone suddenly feel safe… They are the best feelings and they are so powerful. But on the other hand, we see the worst of people and somedays it’s hard, you know? Murder, abuse, rape… But there is something great in that too. I take all the horror in and I shield the world from it as best I can. Sometimes, too many times, I am too late, some other times I am just in time, but there are all those times that no one will ever know about, not even me, that I was ahead and prevented something awful from happening. Because I put someone in jail, because I did enough preventive work, because I defused a situation, because… Anyway. I know it’s not the most glamourous line of work but I think it’s a meaningful one.”

“I think it’s a sexy profession,” I reply and I immediately find it tacky. I could have bounced back on his passion for the job, I could have asked more about his accomplishments, I could… have done anything other than started to flirt.

But Scott smiles and flirts back. “It has opened a few bedroom doors… I mean… not on the job, obviously, but the mention of a uniform and a pair of handcuffs can sometimes get things going.”

I smile. It would be so easy to flirt back right now. And it is exactly why I take a step back and decide to go down a more serious route. “Can I ask you something a bit more controversial?”

“Sure.”

“As a cop, where do you stand on things like bias, racial profiling, and all of that.”

“You’re not going to like my answer, Andrew Scott.”

“Why? Because it’s going to be very cheesy?”

“Quite the opposite. I do it every day.”

Wait, what? “Really?”

“Don’t look at me like that and hear me out. I am not saying that I judge someone innocent or guilty based on anything other than hard evidence. But my job is a stream of micro-second decisions that can make the difference between life and death. So when I am walking into a situation – or just on the street, actually – I have to assess people all the time. Do I treat a black person differently than a white one? Absolutely not. Never. But am I more careful when I see a group of young males exposing their gang tattoos than when I see an old lady? Of course! That’s just common sense, right? Well, I have to apply that common sense to much finer details. And I have all the statistics in mind all the time. Not just the racial ones. Which neighborhood am I in? What clothes are they wearing? Are they likely to be carrying a weapon? Are they more likely to be a witness or a suspect? If things go bad, what options do I have? Should I have my hand on my holster? But I have not once stopped, questioned, or feared someone based on the color of their skin.”

“You can’t judge people by the way they look.”

“No. But you can’t ignore it either. As long as you know it might be misleading. Listen, I know that it sounds awful, and it is great to have values. Truly. But I cannot afford that luxury. Not when I have to work on instincts sometimes. I can however assure you that I don’t treat people differently depending on their skin color, social background, literacy level, gender, or any of that. Plus, I don’t find people threatening. Just situations. I am not afraid of the gang kids. I am afraid of having to deal with their gang business. I don’t despise married men. I despise that some decide to abuse their families. I have nothing against people who drink. I hate that some of them decide to drive afterward. I will even take this closer to home. I don’t care that some people are homophobic. Not as a cop anyway. I do care when their homophobia becomes violent – physically or verbally. Listen… I know I’m not the best at expressing complex thoughts, what I am trying to say is that police violence is real, terrible, and needs to be fought day in, day out. And we need to fight institutionalized racism, amongst many other things. But it’s also more complicated than that.”

“I… don’t know how I feel about that.” I hear his points, and I know that I do tick a lot of stereotypes myself, I just… thought that he would laugh my question off, tell me that this isn’t the kind of cop he is, and that would be it. Or maybe we would talk about it but have similar opinions. Instead, he gave me a speech that I can neither agree nor disagree on and it’s a weird position to be in.

“Of course you don’t. And you shouldn’t have to. I don’t assess people the same way when I take my uniform off. And I am ready to accept that there is a problem with that somewhere. But I think it is the kind of topic that can only move forward if we are open and honest about it.” He has a point there and I do appreciate his honesty, especially when he could have brushed it off so easily. “But let’s talk about something else, Andrew Scott. A non-date should have lighter topics, don’t you think?”

“Sure. Anything specific you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know. Your favorite book or food maybe?”

“That sounds like date topics.”

“Right. Then how about we try to estimate the expiration date on Grace and Taz’s relationship?”

“Oooh. That’s a good one.”

That might seem mean but his eyes and smile are clearly saying that this is just a joke and I am happy to indulge in it. Especially when I do think that these two are going to make it work. Maybe not forever, but for a while. Plus, I really want to hear Scott’s take on it, even his pretend one.