Here we go again!
Warning: mention of rape
"You are so stupid, actually believing that I would want you as my mate. How does it feel to be raped by the one supposed to love you? I guess you must like it, after all you are nothing but a baby maker for me to use. However, you are not worthy of me. You don't deserve to bear my children. I reject you" My mate, or now ex-mate, says as tears stream down my face before taking out his now soft length from my abused leaking hole and leaving my room, only after spitting on my naked and bruised body laying on the cold ground. A harsh pain in my heart follows his departing words, announcing the end of our mate bond. Some pack's soldiers start to enter the room and take away what little I had as belongings, before lifting my body off the dusty ground. I know what is to follow, but I don't have enough strength to keep them from throwing me out of the pack. As I feel the pack's link sever, my small frame is flung into a river near our borders and the cold quickly tears apart my reasoning. All that is left is the pain, both physical and psychosocial, as icy water enters my lungs and I start to drown.
My eyes shoot open, and my torso rises toward my legs as ragged breaths leave my dry mouth. My back, now off the couch I was laying on, meets with the air, making me shudder as it is covered with cold sweat. Chilling like the river where I nearly met my end. Another tremor racks my small form, this time caused by the memory. My hand goes to my stomach by habit, the small familiar, yet unfamiliar, bump soothing my tense mind. At the same time, the baby growing inside of me is a constant reminder of what happened that day. Both a miracle and a curse.
I don't know why, maybe I was stupid or too naive, but I thought all my life that I would get a mate that would love me. My parents sure didn't feel any love for me, naming me Bartholomé knowing that I would be bullied for it, only because I was born an omega. They made me work hard, barely resting, to have the top grades, to surpass everyone. But then "He" happened. I got a little brother. An alpha. How over the moon our parents were, they didn't need to feel ashamed of their omega son anymore, they could treat him as if he never was there from the beginning and instead raise their perfect new little baby. So that's what they did. Even if I worked hard, harder than ever, to get their attention, they wouldn't even glance at me. I was nothing but air. Soon I was starving, both for a little attention and quite literally. Seeing how I had been abandoned, the pack made me a slave. Still, even with all the abuse, I could only hope that one day, a nice man would come to our land, see me, realise that he is my mate and take me away. How foolish was I.
Not only did my mate turn out to be one of our pack's soldiers, but he was even one of those who always punched or kicked me when crossing my way. I was terrified, completely petrified. It didn't keep him from dragging me to a room, doing all he could do to humiliate me in the worst way, before rejecting me and leaving. What was the point of living anymore? I was convinced that I would die in the river, but in some ways I survived. When Alex saved me and took me in, I didn't even feel happy, I was just numb. Of course, after a bit of counseling I got better, sometimes I still feel the numbing pain, but more than anything I'm grateful to Alpha Alexandre for saving me. Even though I know it will be hard, I want to try and be a better me. Alex gave me a second chance in life, I will try to reach his expectations and make him proud. I don't want him to regret taking me in.
After a few days, I started to throw up and not feel well. Honestly, the pregnancy was completely unexpected. I didn't think that my broken body would be able to conceive. At first, I was livid, how was I supposed to carry and raise the progeniture of that monster? Then it was guilt, how could I even think that? The baby is innocent, they weren't the one to hurt me. They didn't ask to be made. Finally, it was distress and worry, how was I supposed to raise a child alone? Was I good enough? I still think that, no, I will not be a good father. I don't deserve such a gift from the Moon Goddess. I'm a failure. My first mate is right, I'm nothing.
Three knocks on the door shakes me away from my dark thoughts, reminding me of the things I needed to do. As I am carrying a small life, Alpha Alexander didn't want me to do anything but enjoy life and take care of us both, however I still insisted on taking care of the pack's library. I get up, take a change of clothes consisting of a grey pair of sweatpants, some underwear and a large long-sleeved sweater that would cover my protruding stomach, before making my way to the bathroom. After undressing myself, I approach the shower to start it, but stop in my tracks as my reflection in the mirror catches the corner of my eye. It is really weird to see my small, skinny body with a somewhat big abdomen. In fact, I'm not that long in my gestation, but the fact that I'm not even five foot tall, with a malnourished shape isn't helping to conceal it. Not eating healthy while growing up can do that to a werewolf, even if the majority of our population is over six foot tall, if not seven foot, even the women. So, it is no wonder that I am already showing stretch marks, which contrast clearly against my dark skin tone, as my ribs are still showing even though I have been eating more. The doctor even tells me each time we meet that I need to put on more weight to feel comfortable to hug without my ribs piercing his sides. I guess it's his own way to tell me that he worries about me and to give me some motivation to eat more than a few bites of my meals. I'm trying, really, but after nearly starving all my life and not being in a good state of mind, it is hard for me. Even more so with the nausea that brings the pregnancy. I still haven't really discovered anything that doesn't make me want to throw up all the content in my intestines, which isn't much to begin with. My once warm brown eyes meet the now dull ones that are reflecting in the mirror before me, and I cringe at the deep eyes bag that I have been wearing since coming here. Nightmares like the one prior to my rather frighten awakening won't leave me alone and the pregnancy is stressing me out. The little werewolf can feel that his other dad is not here and that he rejected me, which indirectly feels as if he rejected him. My not-so-great enthusiast at carrying him, against my own will of course, can also be felt. All this makes it so that I feel a sharp tug of pain from time to time, which wakes me up in the middle of night and also drains more of my energy, not that I had plenty to start with. The baby can feel that it isn't wanted. I really want them to feel at peace, which is why I have been seeing the pack's psychologist since I came here. I want to overcome my trauma. I want to live a normal life with my small bun. The memories may keep me from this goal for the time being and I may not feel like I deserve it, but I'm not alone in this. I can't be selfish. If I give up, not only would I fall into the abyss, but my child would surely not make it out alive. I can't have that happening.
I turn my gaze away from my reflection and finally start the shower. I shouldn't dwell too much on those thoughts. I should take it one step at a time. I step in the tub and vigorously wet my curly dark brown hair before putting on some shampoo and then washing it off. I step out of the shower after completely rinsing myself and dry my body with a fluffy towel. Heaven, we didn't have such treatment in my old pack. If we wanted to wash ourselves, we needed to go to a cold river and couldn't bring anything to warm our cold body and dry it after our quick bathing.
I put on the clothes I brought and quickly brush my teeth to get rid of my morning breath. I will come back to clean them again after eating anyways. I can't understand people who eat and then go out to meet other people without brushing their teeth. Like I can't understand why no one stinks of the mouth after waking up in the stories I read. After doing my business and washing my hands, I get out of my room to go to the kitchen, where my friend Maxime would surely be doing the pack's breakfast with a puppy beta sticking close to him. I'm happy that Max escaped our old pack and found his mate here. I can tell that the two of them fit well together. A pang of jealousy blooms in my heart, but I quickly get rid of it. Max deserves better, not me. I am not worth it.
As I walk in the corridors to go get my breakfast, a few members of the pack wave at me or wish me good morning. I am not really one to speak before eating after waking up, so I only wave back or nod at those who somewhat get the will to open their mouth this early. It has been a few weeks since I ended up here, but nearly everyone knows me by name and face now. I am not really comfortable having so many people know of my past, but there is no helping it, werewolves are curious creatures and seeing a new pregnant boy roaming their walls in search of some entertaining things to do is a great motivator to look for clues on his identity. At the beginning I was happy just staying in my room. I had a bed! A real, comfy and warm bed! However, I soon learned that it wasn't a good idea to stay alone with my thoughts. Instead, I decided to look for something to do, which isn't much as I can't do anything that requires strength and can't stand for long. As I still got an education even though I was ignored by my parents, Alex suggested that I take care of the pack's library, a proposition that I quickly agreed to. It wasn't that difficult, and I was working with another pack's member who was really tall, so he could get the books on the higher shelves and transport the bigger books, while I took care of the lower and lighter ones.
I finally reach the kitchen, where I see a white-haired man followed by a ginger one, just as I expected. I make myself comfortable on a stool and it isn't long before Max places a plate full of fruits with a bowl of yogurt in front of me. Without waiting for a thank you, the omega is already rushing back to his oven where a delicious scent of croissant emanates. Even though it smells mouth wateringly good, it is still too greasy for me, I prefer fresh things in the morning. Taking a small bite of a slice of green apple, I'm glad that Max remembered that I prefer green ones over red ones, I let out a sigh of delight as the juice entered my mouth.
What a good way to start the day.
Hey dear readers, hope you liked it! What do you think of Bart?
This chapter was over 2k words, but normally the others will have 1k words only.
Thank you for reading!
Don't forget to:
See ya next update~